A jester or a foxy fool?
by The Swordslinger
Summary: Re-written version is out. Look for "A charming jester".
1. Chapter 1

I OWN NOTHING

Why am I doing this? Same reason I do all my other fics: it's mindless fun.

 **IMPORTANT** : This will start looking like a bashing fic but trust me, it won't be. This is a different take on the whole Fairy Tail thing when it comes to Naruto. I want to make something cynical considering how Hiro Mashima is handing his series in a manner that reminds me of Kishimoto with how he has Erza put as an ultimate sexy badass only to then have her naked and in chains for Kyouka's playtime… Oh you guys thought of that too! Admit it! Fuck's sake, Kyouka basically looks like a villainess straight out of a hentai with the whole "can alter senses" powers.

 **WARNING** : This is Yami/Dark-Naruto here, who is pretty much like a certain Persona villain if you think about it. Yami/Dark-Naruto is basically one cynical bastard, and the way he spoke of how fucked up Naruto's life really was reminded me of that certain Persona villain… I do not want to spoil, sorry, but those of you who don't know who I'm talking about after reading this please do not read this chapter's author's note at the end if you don't want spoilers.

Much needed rant with some spoilers: Hiro Mashima can suck my fat cock: the plot twists nearly all the time resort to Deus Ex Machina – which means something we never heard or knew of before just appears and solves everything like how Ultear used her time magic to just suddenly make Natsu and the others stronger and is just put there to think about. The emphasized views on Lucy's rack grew tiresome after she goes through a lot of emotional drama and then she has to accept it nearly off-screen after her father dies and she wasn't there to know, I felt sorry for her but then it quickly felt like we faded back to happy-flying-tits time. And Erza makes me sad, she's put first as the strong female character, then is kicked in her stomach a lot in ways that remind me of Metroid: Other M. Jellal killed one of her best friends before her eyes in cold blood, laughed at her face, and then he gets amnesia to redeem himself and is working his way into her panties…

If this seems like it's a bashing pic, blame Mashima for making his manga basically be about whether or not Lucy's chesties will go flying out of her impossibly tight top. But I promise I'll try not to go there even if the main character here will be, well, a true bastard.

Done playing games

"What is this power…?"

Kaguya, the Rabbit Goddess herself, was more than amazed at who… no, what she was seeing from her position on the ground where she rested flat on her back.

The blond before her had thrown off his jacket and stood bare-chested before her with a goofy and silly grin on his face, a façade for the sadism deep in him. His eyes were pitch black pools of darkness, with red orbs burning in the center. This was the first time in her immortal life that Kaguya believed to see a demon.

"My, my, bunny-chan, you're pretty bad at this game…" the blond said with that mockingly cheerful grin, like he were a kid that had just found some candy in his pocket. "Tell me, does this hurt?"

And with great force he slammed his right foot on the goddess' hand. It hurt, a lot, but the three-eyed woman refused to scream before the teen in front of her. She settled for glaring with her jaw clenched tightly to hold back her pained whimper. Since she was flat on her back the woman had to look up at the dark being before her.

"What part of this is a game to you, boy?" she growled.

The blond chuckled, "The part where my old self said it was game over… for you, that is." the whiskered blond said with a drawl to his voice, "In this life and all others, you have to wear a mask to hide what you are. After so many shitty years spending mine hiding behind that of a true idiot to get accepted, you made it so easy for my former self to want to fuck with you and give me control."

"Liar! I watched his growth along Zetsu, that child-"

"Shut up!" the blond exclaimed, grabbing her by her kimono's collar, and staring at her with an odd sneer, his left eyebrow was lifted more than his right and the right side of his face twisted some more from the anger, "Did you really think someone would take all the abuse you put them through and go and ask for more of a kick right to the dick?! I just had enough of someone like you trying to dictate my life for her own ambitions! How in the actual fuck did you even get your title of goddess?! You're certainly not a genius or anything, is it because of the tits or what?! Yes, that's it! I bet it's because your tits took all of your brain matter!"

Naruto ended his shouting with a mad and amused grin, and Kaguya wasn't angry anymore, she was livid, "I shall teach you manners, boy!"

She thrust her hands to impale the blond, but her wrist was caught by him and her gut soon had an uncomfortable meet and greet with the teen's knee, "Ok, let's start the lesson." He said with a cocky grin on his face, his mouth's upper right corner was higher, showing how much of a sick thrill he got from her pain, "Lesson one, I call the shots now, bitch."

He grabbed her by the right horn to make her look at him, "What're you doing?" she asked, for the first time in her life she was fearful of her future.

The blond cackled, "Whoa! Calm yourself, toots. I ain't going to touch a filthy skank like you in THAT way after how much you fucked up my life. No, doing something like that wouldn't be satisfying at all. I may hate you, but I am not doing something not even a monster like you wouldn't do."

"Na… Naru… Naruto… what're you doing?"

The blond groaned and turned to the heavily bruised form of a dark haired teen, "Oh, you still got some fight, don't you?" Naruto asked the struggling teen, "See… I am not here to take all the blame for you, Sasuke. In fact, you owe me a lot and it is time to pay up…"

"Y-You're a monster…" Sasuke gasped, only to get the blond teen's foot on his face.

"Like you're one to talk." Naruto replied with his sneer and applied pressure on his foot, "Killing everyone who isn't fit to be in a world someone like you calls perfect is sickening even to me. Then again, I am about to do the same thing to you, or I could still play some more for whatever laughs you can give old bored little me." The sweetly faked grin he had unnerved the utterly defeated teen.

"My eyes can still-"

"Kaguya, be a dear and take his chakra… all of it." the blond said, shoving the goddess in front of the Uchiha.

The horned woman would have said no, but there he was, one of the men that carried chakra that she blessed her children with. If she could take it… But… ' _Naruto's too confident, even for this situation. He… he knows he can defeat me even if I were to get all of Sasuke's chakra and rendered him forever powerless. Or is he looking for more of a fight?_ '

With a lot to gamble, she took her chance and soon Sasuke's deafening screams made a smirk cross Naruto's face, he even clapped, "Well, that was fun! A true hoot to watch! You certainly put on a show! Too subtle and quick to my liking, but I actually enjoyed it."

The goddess turned at him furiously, glaring at the boy, "The game's over! Time for you to d-"

"Where are you looking at?"

Kaguya froze and slowly but surely turned around to stare in disbelief at Naruto standing behind her, his arms crossed over his lean and fit chest and a playful smirk on his face.

"How did y-" Kaguya tried to ask before bending over in pain, holding her right side.

Naruto clapped, "Ok, I'll give you to five seconds to guess how I defeated you… Come on, just guess."

Kaguya growled, "Is this all a game to you?!"

Naruto snorted, "This world is nothing but bitches and whores, people who complain about power and do everything to get it and those who sell all they have and even themselves to get any power they can grasp. Of course I'll take it as the biggest game in my life, bunny-chan. And I'm afraid you can no longer play it by your rules… Because this world is now playing by mine."

Kaguya tried to change the landscape and freeze him to death, but found the blond kneeling before her, freezing her in fear, "This is impossible!" she tried to grasp Naruto but he was gone yet again, this time standing right behind her.

"Is it?" the blond asked casually, "You can control space all you want, open rips and holes in dimensions, and go wherever the fuck you want. I, however, find that my Hiraishin is really useful when put into perspective, a perspective that allows me to screw with your rules. Then I just had to start fighting you and learn your tricks… and soon I could make my own game to put you in."

Kaguya turned around, gasping, "Y-You…"

Naruto smirked, getting high out of this victory, "Time's been up for a while and you didn't guess how the game is now mine. Sorry toots, you lose." Kaguya found the blond right in front of her, and his fist nailing her gut, "Sad, isn't it?" he started as she fell on him and he supported her body with his, "Those who actually succeed in life, they just happen to be born with a magic ticket called talent. You were one of them. I was one of them… I was born thanks to two very powerful and respected shinobi. The difference is that I never got a chance to sit on a throne. All my talents were kept a secret from me and locked away by lies, lies you and your puppets helped to make. I'm getting my ticket back."

Kaguya gripped his shoulder and sneered, "Not yet…"

Naruto gasped when she held him by both shoulders, "What're you-"

XXXXXX

"Whoa… I shouldn't fall asleep at work… Geesh, the boss will kill me!"

A worried voice echoed in a large office and a young man managed to get up in his chair and look around in worry. He was in his early twenties and was very thin, rather lanky, but looked slightly frail as if he had lost some weight but he still kept a strong if lean complexion the likes of a featherweight fighter. A mop of short and unkempt golden hair adorned his head along bizarre birthmarks on his cheeks, three lines on each cheek that resembled whiskers. The young man also appeared to be an office worked, and had black suit with a white long-sleeved shirt, a crooked red tie, and brown field shoes. His eyes were hidden behind a pair of aviator glasses, shining in his small, dark and filled with piles of paperwork office thanks to a lantern. There were no windows, just large stacks of paper, a desk, a chair, and a door.

He sighed tiredly at the one he had fallen on top in the middle of a nap to just rest his eyes and groaned, "Oh no… Is it smeared because I drooled or-" he checked his mouth around his lips, sighing in relief that no warm liquid was found, "Ok, so the ink was fresh…" and realization hit him, so he started to wipe his face from whatever ink could be on it.

"Sleeping already?"

He sighed and leaned back, "Honestly, the boss always bullies me, piling all of this paperwork on little, innocent me…" he sounded like he was holding back tears like your typical underpaid office worker, "But you know, it's not that bad… I get to work at Fairy Tail with the beauties that frequent that place." He certainly perked up, "I mean, I work near a beauty myself, but she wastes her life working with my boss… Geesh, I slave myself for him already, she should get a vacation and…"

"Would that happen to be me?"

"Ultear-san!" The blond nearly fell off his chair when seeing the woman before him. He started to chuckle like a sheepish idiot, "W-What a s-s-surprise, ma'am… Um, say… you wouldn't happen to have listened to me rambling about nothing in particular, would you?"

The woman smiled warmly at him, "You're lucky that you're so good with paperwork, Uzumaki."

The blond chuckled nervously, rubbing the back of his head, "Oh dears, really? I usually just complain about the boss being more of a slave driver than anything… hehehe…" he laughed at his poor attempt of a joke, and finally noticed how awkward it was, "But seriously, please don't say a word." He pleaded with his hands clasped, acting like a kicked puppy begging for a snack. Part of the bubbly act was to look incompetent, and make sure you said part of your intentions to get someone's guard lowered and have them move where you wanted them to.

This actually sickened him, ' _It may be the same tactic that everyone from back home used, but these idiots should be glad I'm not planning to murder them, but the idea is tempting with other bastards._ '

The woman sighed, "Like I've said, you're lucky you're so good at your job. Usually, many people in your position quit after seeing the first batch of paperwork Fairy Tail sends with their antics."

The blond laughed, "Well, as a kid I always wanted to be at a big office, so I had to learn how to do this kind of stuff."

"I'm just amazed at how well you do it; it's like you're ten men in one." Ultear admitted.

He chuckled sheepishly, "Please, ma'am, you're embarrassing me… Oh, now that I think about it…" he looked up at her, "Is there a reason you're here?"

"The boss and I want you to do your usual checkup at Fairy Tail." She said with a smile, "You're easily trusted, and very patient with the likes of them. It is no wonder you are the only man we know to be reliable for such a task. You also get along exceptionally with others."

Behind his shades, something dark flashed for a brief second before the blond continued his pleasing wording, "I kind of have to… I really, really don't want to be turned into minced meat…" he sighed with dread in his voice, "Honestly, I just want to be able to purchase better stuff with a bigger paycheck. I'm just stupid enough to do this, Ultear-san."

"I'll think about paying for any damages." She said and looked at the time, "And you should go soon. I've heard they got a newcomer."

Inwardly scowling as he smiled outwardly at her the blond pondered the chances he had, ' _Another deadbeat idiot abusing how the law suits them? Tch, what a pain…'_ But he had to admit it was fine with him. It may actually help him get ideas in order to be back home and find clues about that bitch of Kaguya, however slim the chance is. Oh well, maybe it's one of those summoners he had been dying to see. It could be fun for a few ideas.

He bolted off the office and walked out with a merry smile, "Why didn't you say so? I sure hope it's another cutie, Fairy Tail needs a bit more ladies to keep it happier. Am I right? Come one, ma'am, you know I am." On the way through the door he made sure to grab a raincoat perched on his chair, it was an orange raincoat that was of a dark reddish hue.

Ultear watched him put one foot out the door but refraining from leaving to hear her answer, "Yes, I suppose so. That place could use more girls like Erza to keep the louder members silent. Have a nice trip."

The blond put on his raincoat and bowed, "I shall do so. Have a nice day."

And his left with a hearty laugh, and a mental sneer, ' _These guys are so easy to play with I could almost laugh at the lack of a challenge. But who am I kidding? I enjoy these easy wins, even if it's me just playing around the bubbly office worker card. My, I almost pity these guys… almost._ '

Fairy Tail's guild looked as big as ever, and being big didn't mean that it was larger than other buildings, even if it was. The place felt big because it was filled with life. The blond would have preferred to refer to all that life as nothing but idiots running and clucking around like headless chickens with still functioning throats. Then again, he was a cynical embodiment of darkness born from the hatred, sorrow, despair and loneliness of a boy that hadn't truly gotten anything worth calling a dear bond, so they weren't that bad, right?

"If it isn't the little man?!"

Wrong.

"Oh, Elfman-san… My… you've… grown…" keeping the bubbly act the blond was tempted to say something smart but held it back, "Listen, I have work to do here. I heard you guys have a newbie around and the big wigs want me to scout how much damage… I mean, how much good this newcomer will bring to the table."

Elfman's large hand slapped his shoulder, "Speak up like a true man and stop being so meek! A real man has to say what's in his heart from the bottom of his stomach!"

Then again, the temptation to stop playing nice was there and sorely relived with the heavy hit to his joint.

"H-Hey, please stop it, Elfman-san! I'm just a secretary kind of worker… I can't take too much damage or fight more than paperwork when doing my job…" he wasn't technically lying, ' _It pays well to be a bumbling idiot to get an easy spot in government with so many idiots that think they can use you when you're using them._ _But you… you're far too easy._ '

Elfman chuckled loudly, "I'm afraid you're being too loud, brother."

The large man froze, "S-Sis…"

Naruto grinned, ' _Her timing's perfect to get me out of Gorilla-san's grip._ '

A sweet smile met Naruto, who rubbed the back of his head in faked embarrassment, "Mira-san... As always you're a true angel, and don't let anyone say otherwise." He chuckled pathetically to sell his act better, "Have you seen a newcomer? I've been told there's some fresh meat and I kind of have to make sure they won't mess up any property that is not of this guild… Oh… Forget I said that, ok?" he chuckled nervously, "I'm here to check on you guys and see what's up, and perhaps get some of your cooking."

The woman with the upwards forehead pigtail smiled warmly, "Sure. Will it be the same as always?"

He nodded, "No one makes pasta like you, how could I turn it down when back at the office Siegrain is bossing me around like I'm some slave?" he sighed and frowned, his eyebrows visibly knitting despite his aviator shades, "I mean, geesh, he can at least give me a break after all the paperwork I have to deal with. It's like he thinks I'm some trained monkey, you know? Your noodles are my only sunshine."

"Everyone has to work hard to earn something." Mirajane said with her warm smile, "I'll have your plate ready and you should meet our new member soon."

Naruto perked up, "Nice! I can't wait to dig in. Mira-san's famous cooking is like every man's dream, kind of what makes you perfect wife material… Oh… Did I say that out loud?" again with the dorky act. It's not like he was lying, but one can't be too careful with the cheerful, beautiful and kind woman. She was an S-rank mage now retired after a personal tragedy involving her cute, little cat-like sister Naruto would have loved to meet and tease. The bartender may not fight, but who's to say she's forgotten how to?'

Mirajane giggled briefly behind the palm of her hand, "I don't mind the compliment. Sit down and rest, you surely earned it if your day at your office is as bad as you make it to be."

He took a seat and looked around, "Hmm… odd… Mira-san, where are Erza, Natsu and Happy?" he said with his eyes scanning the guild, "They wouldn't happen to be on a mission, would they?" he asked with another visible and pitiable looking frown.

Mirajane kept her smile, "Yes, but they should arrive shortly. Well, Natsu and Happy at least. Erza is far off fighting a giant demon."

Naruto sighed, "Man… And I wanted to show her I wouldn't need you and her working together to protect me." He then faked to cringe, "Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to sound so rude…"

Mirajane tilted her head, "What could you mean, Naruto?"

He grinned like a goof, "Here!" he pulled a paper from his coat, a lot of important writing was put on every inch it had, "Neat, isn't it?!" he said with the same enthusiasm a kid that got a new toy would show when bragging about it, "I finally got complete and total authority over visiting you guys and see that you're not making a mess. I've asked for this for quite some time, so I am glad I finally got it a few days ago."

Mirajane giggled again, "You're too much, but you shouldn't play with it. You aren't much of a fighter as far as I've seen, and you still need to be one to be safe here."

' _You got no idea, doll._ ' He coldly stated in his mind before laughing it up, "Come on, how can I be bad with this? With this little paper everyone here is kind of banned from harming me. It's a pretty nice thought for someone as frail as me, don't you think?"

"You're such a lightweight." Said a brunette beside them with a heavy keg filled with alcohol in her hands, but she didn't look tipsy even if that was her seventh, "With that kind of attitude you won't last long in a drinking contest or getting a girl."

The blond gave a perfectly hurt act, "Cana-san, can you at least have some mercy on me? I am not supposed to be in the middle of a battlefield like you guys. I just do my job at an office and hope to not get hit whenever I arrive here." He inwardly glared, ' _Too bad I have to keep a low profile to find anything useful without drawing attention or else you and I would have some words about your drinking, sweetie…'_ Sure, he still wanted to kick ass like his former self, but he was far smarter and more realistic than his goofy counterpart, smart enough to see how to work around idiots like his former self, the fool of Siegrain, and Fairy Tail's usual crew.

Well, most of them, at least the girls didn't give him that much of a headache.

He groaned at the memory of his past self, which Mirajane caught, "Are you all right?"

He chuckled sheepishly, mentally berating himself for letting his true face slip, "Oh sorry. I was kind of getting sick from the smell of booze. Cana-san is sadly right, I can't hold my alcohol, I am a lightweight." His mind was burning with annoyance, getting drunk and blurt out everything he knew and kept hidden to make sure things kept going his way for the sake of accomplishing his goals after so much using and fooling pricks who put themselves on pedestals? Please, he'd have to be far more thickheaded than the usual Fairy Tail mage for that to happen.

"Admitting defeat so easily… Tch, you really need to do a lot to be a real man." Elfman said with a smirk as he looked down to the blond, and giving Naruto another reason to ponder how thick the skulls of every Fairy Tail male mage was.

One didn't play a game if not for a challenge to be witty, as Naruto proved when he hummed in thought, "Hey, how're Gray and Natsu doing? Have they gotten in any fights?" he sounded genuinely curious but he knew what the answer would be before it was given to him, after all, a hole in the shape of Elfman is hard to miss.

Mirajane laughed, "Just the other day they beat up my brother without even trying." She looked at her brother with a warm smile that conveyed the message that he needed to stop being rude to the office worker, mostly considering that he had an important paper that said no harm should fall his person.

Naruto whistled after getting the result he desired, "Boy, those two must be real top notch mages; then again, Elfman is only able to use his powers on one arm while you are still the queen of this place, Mira-san."

Elfman cringed and calmly walked away, muttering to himself about how the blond was still not manly enough.

The pale haired girl smiled, "Thank you, but Erza took that title from me a long time ago."

Naruto sighed, "No, I'd still say you're more of a queen. You're far more benevolent… she still slammed her head into mine when I took two seconds to try to answer one of her questions." His thoughts cursed the memory, ' _She's a feisty one, all right. No wonder my so-called boss is obsessed with her. Well, it's not like he has a chance if we're realistic, the guy's pretty irredeemable as he is._ '

"Yo!"

Naruto turned to see a mop of messy pink hair.

That color didn't bring back any happy memories after everything that Sasuke did caused him nothing but misery, but he had to shove that aside and fake a smile like a pro, "My, Natsu! It's been a while!" he waved friendly with a lighthearted smile on his face.

Said near bare-chested youth turned to the office worker with a raised brow, "Who are you?"

The blond cringed, "C-Come on… It's me, Naruto. Na-Ru-To. You know… the guy that has to keep track of all the damage you guys do. I've visited you several times and tried to talk with you."

Natsu crossed his arms, "Oh… doesn't ring a bell."

Naruto let out some steam, but did his best to look like a hopeless man, "Please! You got to remember me!" he said, sliding quickly back into his helpless act, "You… You know, I've had to bring a pile of papers to you and talk to you about the damages like my boss wanted me to in order to keep all the other people looking for payback after the destroyed buildings in that port city away from your neck."

Natsu slammed a fist into his palm like a judge brought his gavel down, "Oh yeah… Man, that was boring." He looked annoying, making Naruto feel distressed and show it in the most sympathetic and meek way he could, even if inside he wanted to strangle the guy, "Those were four hours of my life I'll never get back."

Naruto slammed his hands on the table and managed to somehow perfectly act a pleading office worker while his every neuron told him to punch the guy in his face until the back of his throat had the shape of his knuckles, "Please! I'm serious! I don't like to give lectures, but for crying out loud I am the only guy that dares to do this because I get paid half-decently by a true slave driver…" he slammed his face on the table, hiding his scowling face which was screwed in rage, and making sure his raincoat's hood kept it out of view from any angle, "Just give me a break, I'm only one man doing what he can to get what he wants."

Natsu reached into his nose and flicked out a bugger, "So… why is it that you're crying?"

Naruto nearly snapped, but managed to keep his act, raising his head, voice, and bringing down his hands on the table's wooden surface yet again, "Are you even listening to poor little me?!"

"Who… is he?"

Naruto turned to see golden hair like his, and quite a voluptuous body that rivaled Mira's minus the more mature bits, "Oh… Are you the newbie?" he asked upon noticing the emblem on her hand.

The girl smiled brightly, "Yes! I'm Lucy Heartfilia, I'm new here. So, are you a mage from this guild?"

Naruto chuckled sheepishly, "No, not at all. I guess that's why I don't leave much of an impact on Natsu. I'm Naruto Uzumaki, and it's a pleasure to meet you, miss." He bowed politely and pulled back his hood once he straightened his back to rub the back of his head with a forced blush and trying to get some blood on his cheeks, which looking at her top through his aviator glasses helped, "I'm in charge of securing that the budget of the big wigs… I mean, my bosses, doesn't end in a bad place to repair and secure that all collateral damage from your guild's missions are kept at a reasonable price."

She tilted her head, "You're an accountant?"

Naruto ruffled his already unkempt hair, ' _At least all those classes in how a Hokage has to run a village worked for something here._ ' He chuckled, "Yes and no. I still am required to do field work by checking all the damage, talking to every witness, get signs, and work on a lot of paperwork regarding everything this guild breaks."

Lucy grimaced, "You're not the only one, are you?"

He chuckled, and managed to miraculously keep his smile to look natural, "I'm afraid to say I actually am the only one crazy enough for this job. At least I'm really good at it. Not easy considering..." he looked at Natsu and sighed, ' _Despite all my tricks these guys give me no end of pain._ '

Countless sleepless nights as he and his clones worked to be done with any new stack of paperwork regarding property damage made Naruto appreciate the gift that coffee was to the world.

Lucy cringed, "Wow… Sorry… I know what that must be like. I mean, I met Natsu before I joined and he had to deal with a faker that played to be him."

Naruto let his true emotions show with a cringe, "Yeah, that case. A ship, good part of a town, and several people trying to get some easy money by blaming this guild for fake injuries… You're lucky I'm thorough and checked with the doctors, you know?" he inwardly sneered, ' _And made sure those trying to scam me into giving them hush money kept their gobs shut without wasting a coin, but those are details best left unknown to you, baby._ '

Lucy patted his shoulder, and looked at him with honestly concerned eyes, "I'm sorry if they put you through a lot, but hang in there… I also know what it's like to deal with so many overwhelming people now that I'm here, so we could talk." She looked around, "I believe there's others here that'd like to talk with you."

Naruto had to hold back a scowl, "My… I wish I could but I am too busy. I would like to befriend you guys, but there's the paperwork, the fact I'm not a fighter, and that I only come here when I'm needed or happen to crave Mirajane-san's noodles." His mind was busy, all right, ' _Who would want to befriend guys like you anyway? You're all so easy to rile up and use it actually almost makes me pity you... Almost!_ '

Mirajane then spoke to him, "Naruto, didn't you have to interview her or something?"

Naruto snapped out of his train of thought and returned to the bubbling office worker fake face he had, "Yeah! Thank you, Mira-san! You saved me from almost getting back to my office empty-handed…" he motioned for Lucy to sit with him at his table and Natsu stared at him briefly before turning to someone.

"Seriously, who is he?" Natsu asked, "Is he really as important as you say?"

Lucy felt sorry when Naruto's face had another reunion with the table and tried to cheer him up, "You have to interview me? Well, I guess you have to considering your job, but Fairy Tail already-"

"It's a choice of mine." Naruto said and removed his forehead from the wooden surface, "I know this place and the big guys back where I work at have all these papers, but I feel like knowing you guys is the best way to plan ahead for how much destruction… I mean, how much of an asset you can be to the mage world. Just business."

Lucy blinked, ' _You're not fooling me, you're totally here to see how much of a monetary threat I am… Well, luckily for you I am no Natsu… If you don't count Aquarius…_ ' she smiled warmly, "Ok, well, I'm not much of a fighter, though I have a whip…"

Naruto blinked in honest confusion, "Wait, what? Um, sorry, but… that's kind of hard to believe." He made his dorky persona take a more serious if still aloof tone, "I mean, even pretty girls like Cana pack some mean heat. If you're Fairy Tail you're bound to pack quite the punch…"

And to emphasize his point he hooked a thumb to where Natsu was fighting a half-naked dark haired boy with the two having the other in a headlock.

Lucy chuckled, "Well, I have these…" and she showed him keys, magical keys.

Naruto nearly pulled off his shades, almost revealing his dark eyes to stare better at them, "Y-You're a summoner and got a contract with… one… two… three… Three spirits of the Horoscope keys?!"

She blinked, "If you mean a Spirit Mage, then yes. But why refer to me that way?"

He chuckled sheepishly, "Sorry, that's how I refer to it… Makes it easier to remember." Summoning from this world reminded him slightly of how his worked back in his, but he found no frog would come for him.

She nodded, "Well, yes, I have more than three, though the gold ones are really something. Cancer, Aquarius and Taurus."

He whistled in honest amazement, ' _Three spirits… Three chances to see if I can get to the world of these spirits and perhaps find a way back to mine if what I heard is true… I think…_ ' he grinned, "I think I should hang out with you more and see how it works. I've always been intrigued by how this kind of magic works."

There was a loud noise outside.

And Naruto knew as he inwardly smirked, ' _Hohoh… The Red Queen is back…_ '

 **XXXXXX**

 **And that's my rap!**

 **This idea has been in my mind for quite some time because nearly all of Fairy Tail villains don't stay evil for too long either because they're redeemed or killed in some way. Not like that's a bad thing but I always felt something was lacking in this angle. Then it hit me as I was watching some combos from Persona 4's antagonist in the Arena game. Yes, Yami/Dark-Naruto is based off that guy.**

 **And I know what you're thinking, why him? Well, Adachi Tohru is a guy you either hate for what he did or love for how amusing he is. I'm kind of both, to be honest. I hate everything he did and won't ever forgive that, but as new interpretations have come I can see how the developers at ATLUS are trying to develop him as more of an anti-hero after he breaks loose, and I can applaud that. Adachi is also a good villain because of one thing: he's the protagonist's exact opposite, a guy who's always been lonely and sees the world as shit because he focused too much on himself to even try to have a friend. That's kind of sad and even endearing to me due to personal experiences that I don't want to discuss.**

 **Like I said, I do dislike Fairy Tail's current route, and thoroughly hate many decisions like some of you may. Then this idea came to me, and I remembered a certain topic a friend and I discussed about Naruto: had his dark side won when Naruto met Yami, Yami would have sorted shit out for he knew that Sasuke had to be stopped by killing him for all the shit he had put Naruto through, and rightfully hated the village for all the shunning they gave him his entire life and then simply say "Hey, you saved us, now we like you because of half-baked exposition".**

 **So I thought of Adachi, I thought of Fairy Tail by some odd train of thought, and finally this came to life.**

 **If you enjoy it, good, if not then you were warned.**

 **Swordslinger out!**


	2. Chapter 2

I OWN NOTHING

Making fun of Mashima and Kishimoto is like criticizing a turd: they won't react at all about it since they have no personality, knowledge, sensibility, etc. and they'll keep stinking the place up.

Some little fun

"Erza-san, how are you doing?"

Naruto enjoyed, nay, he loved… the silence that reigned over Fairy Tail with the redheaded woman's appearance. Lucy gaped in shock as Cana stopped drinking, Natsu and Gray pretended to be pals, and the woman before her was not only beautiful but she singlehandedly carried a humongous monster's horn like it was a feather. Naruto for his part visibly cheered when she arrived, then again the silence in Fairy Tail did help.

The woman put down the horn and turned to him, "Naruto-san? Are you here to do another…" she noticed Lucy seated with him, "Oh, it seems you're in an interview with a newcomer." She said after recognizing the blonde girl's mark on the back of her right hand.

Lucy nodded, "Ye-Yeah… I'm Lucy. N-Nice to meet you." Yeah, Erza had that kind of impact on people unused to seeing true order on Fairy Tail.

The redhead shook hands with the girl, "It's a pleasure to meet you." this kind side surprised the blonde.

Taking the opportunity, Naruto quickly pulled out the paper he showed Mirajane, "And besides interviewing her I got some more authority to make sure no one here can hit me."

And he held the paper up proudly, for about two seconds before someone snatched it off his hands, "What's all this mean?"

Naruto gripped air twice, trying to control his anger and register in his mind that his valuable document was taken from him, "It means that you can't lay any harm on my person, and that I would like it if you didn't break it or anything. That paper cost me over two months of begging, pleading, and extra-long night shifts to finally get it."

His heart nearly sank when Natsu rolled it over and casually threw it behind him, "Seems boring for someone that somehow knows Erza."

Naruto couldn't even scream as all of his hard work landed on the table he was in, crumpled into a ball.

Next thing he knew, Natsu's face was united with a wall and was sticking out the other side from a punch of the red haired armored mage, "Sorry about that, Naruto-san. Is it salvageable?" she asked in concern after sitting down with him and Lucy.

Naruto uncurled the paper with a grim look on his face, "Just leave me be for a second… I feel like I'm about to cry. But yes, yes it is… I just wanted to frame it on my office." He was near the tearing point in all honesty, Fairy Tail had a way to push his buttons that he thoroughly wanted to stomp a good few thousands of times against a concrete floor.

He tuned out some chit chat that honestly seemed boring and too shady to require his attention until getting some odd bits out.

Apparently, there was a dark artifact of death, a dark guild, and… "Do you really want me to accompany you?" Lucy asked with an overwhelmed expression.

Naruto perked up after hearing that, and stood in front of a certain blue cat to smile at Lucy, "That's fantastic! I should come with you! That could really help me assess a lot of important elements to get this interview done quicker instead of going through witness reports!"

Erza stared at him, "No, you can't. You're not a mage or a fighter, you could-"

Naruto held up the still crumpled but readable paper, "And this document gives me full authority to look after what you guys do." he put it down and scratched the back of his head with a sheepish look, "Man, that feels good! I never thought having power would be this cool, but hey, it is fun that things work the way you want them to!"

Natsu grabbed the paper again, shattering all joy Naruto had, "So all I'd have to do is get rid of this paper to-"

And he couldn't finish that train of thought when Erza grabbed his wrist, gently took the paper off his hands, and gave it back to a very relieved Naruto, "Why is it that you desire to come, Naruto?" she asked nearly out of the blue, "You always make excuses to avoid hanging out with us and only come to either interview newcomers or inspect something."

' _And there's the reason I call you the Red Queen… You're the only one smart enough to be fun to play with, Erza-chan…_ '

He chuckled and looked even more sheepish than before, "You see, I've always been intrigued by Spirit Mages… I heard some of those spirits are real beauties, too. Hahaha…" he didn't get anything but deadpan stares, "Ok… that was a horrible joke. But come on, Erza-ch-san." He near cursed for being informal with her, "I really want to see how your newcomer works in the field if some of the things she told me are true. And I've always wanted to see many things about spiritual magic since I first heard of it."

"I heard enough." Erza said slowly. She grabbed his shoulders, and slammed her forehead on his, making him cringe and inwardly curse when his shades flew off.

He grabbed his forehead in a way that concealed his eyes while he tried to grab them, "Ow! What gives?!"

He heard her chuckle, "You took my head-butt rather well this time. You didn't faint like the first time we met and you asked about my measurements."

Lucy cringed, ' _Ugh, so all the bubbly thing is topped off with him being kind of a perv?_ '

He finally put on his shades, "I was asking about how your armor works and why it adjusts to your measurements. Natsu and Gray were fighting and I had to call you out while you called them out."

Erza tilted her head to the side, "Did that really happen?"

Lucy cringed again when the office worker's head hung low, ' _Wow, scratch that, I really feel for him._ '

Continuing her previous statement, "However, you took well my strike. I think we can take you along if you can deal with pain that well."

Naruto groaned, his forehead had a serious bruise, he knew it. He pulled his hood over it and sighed, "Yes, you're the same Erza-san as always… Always asking questions while punching."

"I guess we can take you with us if you can stand that."

Naruto blinked three times behind his shades, "Wait, for real?! That easy!"

"Look." She said as she grabbed the nearest mage, and gave them the exact same head-butt, rendering them unconscious, "You can take pain well, so you may… continue breathing once we're back."

Naruto cringed, "Wait, what is that supposed to mean?! How badly mangled do you think I'll end?!"

Erza smiled calmly, "Oh, so you don't want to come."

He swore in his head, ' _Well played, Red Queen. Unfortunately for you, I'm a sore loser._ ' He hung his head and body low, "Ah… Fine, fine, I get it. I'll come with you."

"Good, I-" Erza stared at him with wide eyes, "You can't be serious. You'd slow us down."

"Us?" Naruto asked.

He did tune out most of the conversation, and now had to look at Natsu, Gray and Erza together like… like a team. This made the two male mages glare at each other and get ready for a fight… until Erza's glare stopped them swiftly. Naruto knew that look, it was the kind of face he had back in the day when he said he was getting things his way no matter what.

' _Oh fuck my life… This paperwork will fucking kill me if these guys don't._ ' And he was still a sore loser, "Oh boy, I better come then." He groaned, "I just know something bad will happen with you three together." He then pouted at Erza, "And you hit me without a second thought after I showed you my new rights, what gives?"

She crossed her arms, "It was a test to see if you could handle the incoming pain. I must admit, I'm surprised you took it so well."

Naruto had to use logic, "All of you here at Fairy Tail greet me with some manner of pain. I think I got used even to your punches. Anyway, you still can't hurt me now even if it's for some test, no matter how good I may have become at taking all of the pain you can dish out."

Lucy sweated nervously, ' _Hey, that's not something to boast about, if anything it makes you nearly as freaky as these people._ '

"So we're taking him?" Natsu questioned, "How is he so important, anyway?" Lucy and Naruto's faces had a nice meeting with the floor. "Well, he did take Erza's punch, so maybe I should see how well he-"

"Oh that's right. Natsu, we still haven't talked of why it was wrong of you to take Naruto's paper, in depth."

Erza's words silenced the pink haired lad, making Naruto grin a little at his victory.

XXXXXX

After arriving right on time for its departure to avoid any unnecessary chit chat with the team of mages, a joyous train ride was a lot more fun than Naruto could have predicted, mainly because Natsu was going through motion sickness.

"Huh… Natsu seemed really fired up when I first arrived." Naruto said as he entered the car, following the passengers and the blonde girl he needed to look into. He poked the pink haired boy, "Hey, Natsu, is this your one weakness? Boy, I kind of pity him, but he's so silent and peaceful it makes this trip so… nice…"

Erza inched herself to the side to allow him a seat by her side, and looked at him, "Naruto, when did you arrive?"

"I was here all along, you guys just didn't notice me. Maybe I'm really so average I fail to be recognized..." He said with a carefree smile, "Well, to be honest, I don't like wasting time with needless waiting, so I try to arrive right on time when needed. Even if I have to leave my office for this research, I want to do this get all the answers I have been dying to make about Spirit Magic." He stared at Natsu resting his head on Erza's lap, "You… punched him."

Erza denied nothing, for he wasn't asking a thing, he stated the truth. "Make sure not to wake Natsu up and then Lucy and I can answer your questions. I had to help him relax by force."

Ignoring the pink haired lad's pain, the blond man entertained himself with a notepad, a pen, and some words with Lucy and Erza about his interview and the latter's mission respectively.

"So there were no casualties or property damage. That's good to know, for me at least. As for you, Lucy-san, how's Fairy Tail treating you? It hasn't been too rough, has it? I mean, when you think about it everyone is scary… I still have to file complaints about mothers hollering about exhibitionism in that guild."

"What do you mean exhibitionism?" Gray asked, currently in only his boxers.

Naruto swiftly doodled in his notes what was on his mind, a picture of the half-naked mage dangling over a lava pit with sharks with teeth made of smaller sharks, "Back on topic." He started after coughing into his fist and directing his pencil at Lucy, "Aquarius, Taurus, and Cancer are some pretty tough elite keys from what I've heard. What's it like meeting them? Are they as powerful as people say or would you dare claim that they're far stronger?"

Lucy chuckled, "Well… Taurus is strong, yes, and better for combat than Cancer and Aquarius since he's more prone to brute force with his axe. But Aquarius really packs a punch when I'm near water… to the point she can lift ships with waves." She looked down, "Although that is a double-edged sword…" she shook her head, "And Cancer is very skilled in cutting anything in his path, and good at doing my hair."

Naruto hummed as he wrote down some possible ideas, "Think he could do mine better for free? I'd try to keep it tidy and all, but I barely have the time with how wild paperwork can be… Hahaha…" he laughed meekly at his bad joke and was tempted to throw out the notes before remembering, "Are you planning on getting more keys?"

Erza raised a brow, "I always questioned what your interest is with Spirit Mages, Naruto."

He chuckled, ' _She's sharp, all right._ ' he put his notepad back into his coat, "I'm just curious, and you know I am an office worker… I don't do much fighting besides getting in arguments with whoever files a complaint." He sighed, "Honestly, all I am is a slave to my boss, so I thought that maybe I'd find some spirits to help me, and then…" he admitted the truth, "I realized I couldn't use magic like you people do, but that hasn't stopped me from being interested."

Erza looked to the side, but her emotions said she was truthful with her next words, "I'm sorry."

Naruto chuckled, rubbing the back of his head, "Hey, it's not so bad. I may not have magic like anyone here does, but that doesn't mean I'm in such a bad spot. I am the only one doing a well-paid job because of you guys." He had to stifle a cackle, ' _Besides, why would I need magic with the things I can do?_ '

Lucy closed her eyes too ashamed at that statement to look at him. ' _After what Natsu and I got ourselves into when we met each other… Yeah, I can see why you'd be the only one paid to keep track of us._ '

He wrote down a few things, "Anyway, Lucy, do you think I could see a spirit soon? I've always been dying to see one, you know? Ever since I first heard of them I've always wondered what they can be like and how strong they can be as well as their powers." He looked at Natsu and Gray, "Do you think they could replace mages that use the elements?"

Gray glared, "Watch what you're saying!"

Naruto hurriedly slid away from the ice mage, "H-Hey, no need to make me a popsicle! I was just wondering if spirits can do the same job as you and Natsu… I mean, they're spirits, right? They sure must have something that could make Lucy able to move on her own… Well, on her own special way."

Lucy's eyes brightened, "You have magic like Natsu's?"

After a brief demonstration and seeing Gray make an ice figure, Naruto decided to stop his questions and stared at Erza who stared right back at him, ' _I still need to watch out for the Red Queen,_ ' and he looked at Natsu with concern in his voice, "Will he be alright? I heard he can't handle any form of vehicle, but this is… ridiculous. The train barely moved an inch and he already fell on his seat." He knew more than that, ' _Well, the King Pinky is strong when in firm land, so it's a matter of time, but I need to get the damn queen to stop looking at me… That face of hers, always so serious, really unnerves me._ '

Erza stroked pink locks, "Just wait for our next stop, Natsu is the one man I can firmly say will one day… defeat me."

Naruto narrowed his eyes behind his shades, and chuckled, "Hahaha… Sorry, Erza-chan, but you're pretty amazing yourself. I'd say he has a long way to go before that."

Gray snorted, "He's not even started, trust me when I say it'll be a cold day in Hell before he can lay a finger on Erza."

Lucy smiled, "Well, either way I think they're really strong already."

Naruto made an embarrassed face, ' _Well, the Blue Joker and the Yellow Princess are right in their own way. King Pinky sure is going to be fun to study, but the way he doesn't recognize me at all both ticks me off and makes me uneasy._ ' He spoke as sincerely as he could, "Maybe I'm a bit biased… I do dislike it when people don't recognize others." He put his hand on his chest, "I know all of you Fairy Tail as what you are." As idiots. "And would like to be seen as the man you see before you." for as long as it suited him.

Natsu felt his stomach twist, "You're still not… Fairy Tail… You're not really a part of us… So… Urk…" he gagged but luckily didn't stain Erza's thighs with puke.

The redhead narrowed her eyes and pinched Natsu's side, making him cringe, "Fairy Tail or not, Naruto is working with us. Let us welcome him as if he were a part of our guild, for now at least."

Natsu panted by forced himself to look at the blond, "F-Fine… but how did he get here?"

Mantras really worked to keep one's mind in check, ' _You needn't reveal your true self. You needn't reveal your true self. You needn't reveal your true self._ ' He chuckled again but it sounded obviously forced yet still dorky enough to keep himself in character, "Am I really that forgettable?"

Natsu started to drift into a deep numb mind state, "Are you the one… that… checked… up… Erza…?"

And he left Naruto red in the face from anger more than embarrassment, but he had to keep his act, "W-Whoa! Wait, what?! I'd never!" he shouted and glared at the pink haired lad, "I already said that it was all a mistake! You… You're sleep already, aren't you?"

"He's out." Erza said before turning to the dark being, "About what he said…"

Raising up his palms defensively was a good start, "Hey, do you really think I'd be like your boss and ask a girl's sizes before knowing them?" his inner voice chuckled, ' _I already have copies of your files for that._ '

"I wouldn't know." Erza said calmly, "You interact with us the bare minimum, it makes knowing you a little hard."

Naruto looked down, keeping an anxious smile, "I never had any friends… And the ones I had, well, I kind of moved and forgot about them."

Natsu bolted up on his seat, "How could you?!" a curve made him fall back into his seat.

Naruto chuckled weakly, "Can you honestly remember every face you see in your life?" he leaned back, "Those people I met never really talked to me besides an odd praise when I did something good for them. I never got interested in getting to know them, and they didn't do much either but put on a smile… It's sad, isn't it? That some people call that having friends, I mean."

Lucy stared at him, "Well… We can be your friends from now on. You may be busy, but we can still talk whenever we meet."

Naruto let out a nervous laugh, "Hey, no need to pity me like that. I may not be able to throw big parties but I still enjoy the peace and quiet I have over large crowds of people forcing a smile for me."

Gray stared at him, "It wouldn't be forced if we decided to do it."

Naruto sighed, "That's not what I meant, I mean that smiling just because of what someone goes through or does feels… cheap." He leaned forward, his elbows on his knees as he looked up at Erza, "You only show a smile to make someone feel accepted or like they did good, but many of those smiles tend to be from people that just… want to feel better about themselves by smiling." He furrowed his brows, "You know, like my boss, Erza-chan. I really don't want to befriend a guy that smiles like him for as much as I keep an eye on you guys…"

"What do you mean keep an eye on us?" Erza asked.

Naruto chuckled at his – willing – slip of the tongue, "Oh… Dang it!" he cringed, "Just forget I said anything about that, after all, it is my job to look after you guys and your actions." He looked around and noticed everyone else didn't give a fuck about them, probably because of the pink haired lad about to puke, "Well… Um… Don't tell anyone I said this, but the boss is really interested in you guys, to a point where I'm afraid to show him anything I may write down about you in my interviews."

He'd never give the guy any form of satisfaction except doing his new – temporary - job, that's for sure.

"It should still bother us." Erza said, a hand on her chin, "It's not like we're popular with them." Gray crossed his arms, "Sounds like him, but the way you say it makes it sound like there's something far worse…"

Erza nodded, "I can only wonder what it is."

Lucy smiled meekly, "Uh… are we there yet?" she asked, hoping to change the topic.

Naruto's smile turned nervous, "Hey, come on, you're all Fairy Tail. You guys are really important to the big wigs, not just the boss. I'm sure everyone would be sad if cuties like Mira-san and now Lucy-san weren't around to do missions for them and look good doing them. Far more than I could ever hope to accomplish."

Lucy's smile brightened and she gained a blush, "Well, when you say it like that…" Every woman had her pride in her beauty.

"What about me?" Erza questioned.

Naruto let out a brief sheepish laugh, "In all honesty, you're real scary, Erza-san." He saw her clench her fist and instantly brought up his paper, "Wait, you can't harm me!" he shouted while holding it up like a shield.

The redhead lowered her knuckles, "All right. I guess I do take my job so seriously I may come as intimidating." That was putting it too nicely even for someone as proud as her. Then again, everyone was vain somehow.

And as if to respond the blonde girl's previous question, the train started to slow down… And Naruto could feel something odd, his eyes nearly shone behind his shades, ' _Hoh… That is a good dark aura…_ ' he spoke up, "Why don't you guys take Natsu out before he gets really sick? I should probably do my job and start surveying the city for possible damage… I mean, possible mail offices to send any report of mine."

The small team of powerful mages and their blue cat left, leaving Naruto in the car all to himself, with someone else…

XXXXXX

"Excuse me, is this seat taken?"

Naruto smiled up at the figure of a man with dark hair pulled into a ponytail and returned to reading his notes, "Not at all."

The man smiled, "I'm Kageyama, nice to meet you, Naruto Uzumaki."

"Eh?!" the blond nearly dropped his notepad, "H-How did you know my name?"

Kageyama smiled, "You're the only man that can keep track of Fairy Tail… I envy you, to be honest. Being able to work into guilds, see pretty girls like that Mirajane and the new cute chick…" he had a friendly, warm smile that a snake would show a tiny and tasty mouse, "I wouldn't mind being in your shoes and boss them around. Then again, I'm not some lucky guy that got in an office." He then grinned wickedly, "Ass kissers like you who get easy money always piss me off!"

Naruto watched Kageyama's foot an inch from his face for a split second before it mad contact. Kageyama's grin widened and screwed happily, and swiftly fell when he noticed that he had hit a bench.

"Are you all right, sir?"

The ponytailed dark mage's head lashed to the side to see… the same blond. Naruto was on a seat beside him, looking like the man had choked on his food or were throwing a tantrum. In fact, he still looked deeply into his notepad after five seconds of silence, put in his pen to check the page he was at later, and turned to Kageyama yet again.

"What did you-" the dark mage started, but Naruto looked… concerned.

Naruto replied nonchalantly, "Hey, I may not be one to say this considering I don't work with you, but kicking a bench because a girl left you or something like that isn't going to get you forward." He raised his hands defensively and got up from his seat, "Maybe we can take it easy and-"

And Kageyama's own shadow moved with life, the pitch black surface on the ground took the form of a fist that rocketed up into Naruto's face… and hit nothing but air.

"Are you all right, sir?" that voice again, this time coming from behind Kageyama. The ponytailed man turned to see the blond putting down his notepad to look at him with concern behind his shades, "You're looking a little pale there, bud. Would you like to take a seat?"

Kageyama stepped back, ' _W-What the fuck?! Is this some dream?! No, it can't be, I attacked! But… But! How did he do it?! How did he change places like that?! No matter how fast one is, there's no way…_ '

Naruto put his hand on Kageyama's shoulder and helped him to sit down, "H-Hey, pal! Are you okay? Can you answer any of my questions?" he sounded genuinely concerned, "Listen… If you can, that is… Take a seat, breathe deeply and I… I'll get you a drink or something. Does that sound good?"

Kageyama could feel cold sweat build around his body, and so he nodded to the blond before him, "Y-Yeah… I think I'm under a lot of stress. I may be daydreaming or something."

Naruto whistled, "Boy, are we kindred spirits or what? I got sent to do my job at a guild and check some stuff, and then I decided to be stupid and hitch a ride with some ridiculous and scary mages…" he hung his head low, "I would like some mercy on me, but it's like misery and chaos are my only friends, acting like some clingy ex-girlfriends."

Kageyama remained in his seat, staring at the blond man before him and wondering what happened, "I see… That must be rough…"

Naruto nodded, and then put on a large goofy smile, "Then again, I get to see real pretties like Mirajane, and the new girl is really cute, Kageyama-san."

Said man's eyes widened, and despite the fact he did not blink in doing so, Naruto had disappeared yet again, "Are you all right, sir?"

Kageyama turned around, and screamed, "What are you doing with that?!"

In Naruto's hand was an odd flute, "Oh sorry, I think this might be yours. I saw it falling here, so I thought I'd pick it up and hand it back."

Kageyama swiftly grabbed the flute, made a mad dash for the window to jump out through it, bracing himself for impact… and landed on the seat next to the now once again seated blond, "Are you all right, sir?"

"What the fuck are you?!" the dark mage cried as he crawled backwards away from the blond.

Naruto smiled in a mocking fashion, "I'm the one making the rules…" his grin twisted, the right corner of his mouth going higher than the left, "And I'm glad to say it's game over for you."

"N-Naruto…?"

Said blond paused, ' _Damn it, now he recognizes me…_ ' the blond played his game well, though, "Natsu-san, you're lucky I noticed you were missing." The blond said and patted the pink haired boy's head, before deliberately poking his cheek in a way that hurt, like he were trying to smear a bugger on it real hard, "And I told Erza and the others to watch over you and take you out. I just can't seem to get a break from you Fairy Tail, can I?"

He made his way for his coat, while keeping a metaphorical eye on Kageyama, to pull a vial of powerful sleeping drugs, a mixture to knock out an elephant and make sure Natsu saw this as a dream. Suddenly the train started to stop, "W-What?" Natsu choked as he forced himself up and stared at the still terrified Kagemaya, "Who's this mook?"

' _I hate you, your stupid hairdo, and your fucking luck. I would do horrible things for you, but I don't need anyone looking at the kind of monster I am so soon, not without…_ ' Naruto cursed the pink haired lad and then made a double-take out of an anime, "Ah! Th-That's Kageyama! He's one of the mages from the dark guild Erza-san was talking about! Quickly, get him! I choose you or whatever, just kick his ass." he shouted with a finger aimed at the shadow man.

Kegayama cringed, "What the Hell are you guys?!" he stepped back his shadow came to life, lashing a fist at Natsu. The pink haired boy grinned and dodged it to the side to… slam his face on it?!

Naruto chuckled inwardly at the sight of Natsu on the floor rubbing his forehead, ' _A little payback is fun, and your pain is my fun._ '

"D-Damn it, did I trip?" Natsu questioned and stared Kageyama down.

"The fuck kind of game are you playing?!" Kageyama shouted, aiming his eyes at Naruto and breathing raggedly, ' _Is that monster really scared of this Fairy Tail kid? Are Fairy Tail this fucking horrifying?! What's with the fucking act?! They're just toying with me… I… I got to leg it!_ '

Without much thinking, Kageyama burst a hole on the car's door and started to run off, away from the fire mage and the blond office worked currently working said fire mage in his head, "You're not getting away!" Natsu cried and chased after the shadow user.

Naruto followed on large and clunky strides, "Wait a minute! You can't fight him in here! Do you know how much problem I'll get at the officer if you just burn down a train?!"

"You're supposed to deal with this stuff all the time." Natsu countered.

' _Keep a low profile. Keep a low profile. Keep a low profile._ ' Naruto's mantra helped, even if slightly, "That doesn't mean I want to, you know?!"

And then, a special announcement: the train started to move again. Obviously, Kageyama found it odd when the pink-head yelped and decided to leg it, while Naruto cursed about whether or not to keep his act… He decided to have some fun first.

"Natsu, catch me!" he cried as he jumped behind and landed on Natsu.

The pink-head groaned from underneath the lean office worker, "W-What the hell?!"

His back was slammed to the wall and Naruto managed to land in such an odd way that his elbow slammed into his gut, "S-Sorry… I'm no fighter! I really, really don't want to be in pain so…"

"Get off…" Natsu groaned and pushed him off.

Naruto growled and decided to save it for later, after all, he hadn't really wasted his time, and he could see Erza and the others arriving shortly.

Back at the train, however, Kageyama was relaxing on a chair, breathing deeply, "I'm glad that's over…" he looked at the flute in his hand, "I know for sure that monster would have managed to kill me before I could play this thing… What the fuck was he?"

"Are you all right, sir?"

Kageyama's body froze, and slowly but surely his head creaked as it turned to the person sitting beside him, "Would you like to know some of my rules?"

XXXXXX

"What… was that?" Naruto asked slowly to the Fairy Tail team, though he damn well knew the answer Lucy gave him:

"It sounded like someone was in a lot of unbearable, inhuman pain…" she clutched her sides, "I never heard such a thing."

Erza shook her red locks, "No, it was a scream of pure fear. A true despair and an ultimate terror born deep within one's heart." She looked serious, "And it came from the train."

Naruto gulped loudly, "H-Hey… Is that flute you mentioned really that… evil, Lucy-san?"

Oh he knew it was a joke for him, but he just wanted to amuse them.

After all, he was still having fun with his little game.

 **XXXXXX**

 **And that's my rap!**

 **I heard from my friend that keeps up with Fairy Tail for the same reasons I kept up with Naruto, i.e. see how far deep into shit the plot would go, and he told me that, basically, there's this new group of "cool and awesome" mages that are so important they overpower everything and everyone before yet haven't tried to deal with Acnologia The Cock-Block Master Supreme, or have even been mentioned before. Then they are all focused on getting Fairy Tail's cool shit because it is always about that guild being forced as the ultimate family every single chapter. Oh, and one of the flunkies of this super-awesome-duper-cool group of mages made Erza his bitch…**

 **This is the time when my friend and I want to grab Hiro Mashima by the lapels and scream, "Would you stop trying to make Erza's life into 50 Shades of Fucked up?!"**

 **Dear goodness, I may end up going crazy with that kind of disaster on levels that rivals Kishimoto.**

 **On a side note, remember, Naruto said that as he fought Kaguya in the previous chapter he learned how to work with his Hiraishin… Try and guess how.**

 **Swordslinger out!**


	3. Chapter 3

I OWN NOTHING

Thanks to guest reviewer Axis for giving me a warning about a little mistake I made on the first chapter and corrected already.

A little fun

"You know, there's a single, very simple reason why Fairy Tail is important to me. If you think about it, such a guild should never exist. They're full of troublemakers, yet they are somehow blessed to never get in more trouble than a slap on the wrist. That's when it hit me… Why does the world favor them? It's easy: they have power that the world wants and needs. And seeing that this world is full of magic, well, I am very interested in seeing what tricks Fairy Tail has under its sleeve. That is why I was really, really, really annoyed when Natsu interrupted out little chat. I need to be on their good side, for as long as it's needed."

"But why would you be interested in them? What kind of power could be so important to do this?"

Kageyama trembled from head to toes at the friendly smile that the spectacled man known as Naruto Uzumaki gave him while sitting by his side, "Honestly, you should be more mindful of your manners, Kage-chan. I can't spoil the fun just yet, but let's just say I am curious on the possibilities of this power." The man was about to reply about the suffix used on his name, but decided not to when a freaking kunai rested its edge right on his throat, "So let us run by the rules of this game of mine, shall we?"

He couldn't reply, too afraid that even gulping the lump in his dry throat would get his neck slit.

"I'll take that as a yes." Naruto said with his smile still in place, "Rule number one: you don't fuck with me. You don't ever, **EVER** fuck with me."

To emphasize his point, Naruto grabbed the back of Kageyama's head and slammed it on the wall to his side, all while keeping his cheerful smile, "I-I didn't say a thing…" Kageyama grunted through his mouthful of train wall.

Naruto pulled him back to face him, "Rule number two: I call the shots here." He replied without even acknowledging the dark guild member's words. "If you so much as fart without my say so, you will miss this kind and friendly side of me." The fact he kept the smile all the time was really unnerving Kageyama.

More silence.

"Good, you're learning." He leaned on his seat and sighed to calm his nerves, "And rule number three: I don't see a guild as my enemies, or even allies, and I'll punch anyone who calls me a part of one of those cheesy self-proclaimed families, but even then the only one who can piss on Fairy Tail or any guild's shit is me. Like I said, I want to find out what is so important that they keep hidden from others."

Kageyama started to inch away, finding Naruto's hand on his throat instantly for that action, "I-I swear I won't attack them! I-"

Naruto pulled him up close so they were eye to eye, and removed his shades to reveal his dark eyes, "Rule number four: remember that I hate promises and meaningless words. I have enough with Fairy Tail, I don't need someone going about that preachy train of thought."

Kageyama nodded and was let go, and felt tempted, oh too tempted to ask something he knew could be bad, "But you hate Fairy Tail, so why-"

"Heh…" Naruto put on his shades while his mouth's right corned curled up, "I do hate everything they preach, all their empty promises, and the fact they can be so easily broken by someone like me it is sickening how easy it is… But I'm a man with limits that likes the little stuff, and I will cut my own head if I turn exactly like the bastards that ruined my life. So consider me a lesser evil, Kageyama."

Kageyama backed away, "Why are you telling me?"

Naruto smiled in his faked bubbly way, "Because, Kage-chan, you and I will be best of friends… to the eyes of many." He gripped the demonic looking flute in his hand and felt tempted to smash it, but considered the possibilities with its power, "You scratch my back whenever I have an itch… and I won't crush yours. Understood?"

Kageyama nodded energetically.

"Good. Oh, this is our stop…" Naruto said as he got up and put the flute in his raincoat, "Now… how should I go with this…?" Kageyama stared and then the same bumbling office worker he thought Naruto to be was back, "Oh dear! Have I overslept at this train?!"

Kageyama saw this and considered the possibilities of what could happen. The options were that he could go along with this man's plans and follows him to save his life, or the shadow user and his guild would find what kind of fate that the monster with a man's face for a mask came up with would be like.

"Now, now, don't be mad, Kage-chan." Naruto started with his bubbly smile, "After all, in this world right and wrong are bullshit concepts. All that matters is that whoever wins gets to make himself as the one who is right and make everything everyone else fought for meaningless. People will always fight for being the ones in the right. If you lose, you'll be the one that's wrong in the eyes of everyone."

"Then what are you planning to prove?" Kageyama asked as the train slowed down.

Naruto put a finger to his lips, "Secret." He turned to the doors and jumped down, beckoning the shadow user to follow him, "Now, if I've done my paperwork correctly, and of course I have, then your boss is the Shinigami of whatever your guild is called and he's pretty ugly, as well as a wind mage. Kage-chan, mind giving this to him?"

Kageyama froze at what he was handed by the dark man.

"Are you… You can't be serious!" The shadow user jumped back and started to retreat from the grinning, bumbling office worker.

"Come on, Kage-chan, we're best buds." Naruto said and threw the flute at the ponytailed man, "See? I did you a favor. Let us see how you can win against Fairy Tail."

Kageyama shuddered, "What're you playing at?"

Naruto grinned wider, "Fairy Tail's full of strong idiots… I am completely certain you will lose. That's how strong they are, they'll just make you be on the wrong."

Kageyama glared weakly at the blond, "Would you shut up about that?!"

Naruto laughed, "Come on, Kage-chan! You know that's how it works here. Your little guild didn't measure up and you had to fight, and when you lost that's when you became the evil ones, while the winners are supposed to be the righteous. How's it feel to be that much of a loser?" he put a hand to his face, trying to hold his laughter, "You can't even fight this world without that flute's power. You are wrong, you will always be… Or do you think I am? Do you believe yourself stronger than me?"

A reaction, a simple reaction to those words, one that the shadow man would do again and again. He grabbed the flute and put his lips into it, ready to play it… and found himself kissing a kunai.

"Wha…" Kageyama silenced himself when his eyes landed on the flute in Naruto's other hand.

That smile… that friendly, bubbly, innocent looking smile of a complete idiot greeted him again, "Kage-chan, well done! You pass!"

"What?!" Kageyama cried again, feeling like he was losing all sanity.

Naruto patted the shadow man's shoulder, "You tried… You're still not good enough, but you tried… You lost yet still you tried. So I'll give you a one chance to make it count… Follow me."

Kageyama fell to his knees, seeing his life flash before his eyes wasn't good for his health, and especially how they flashed ever so slightly at the negative thoughts running through his head, neither to blindly follow such a monster with that kind of nihilistic philosophy, but… His words still rang in his head. To be shunned, hated, chased, and beaten by the ones who had power to make themselves right did stir something in him, something the dark man knew too well.

Slowly but surely, Kageyama shook Naruto's hand.

XXXXXX

"Let's see… Eisenwald is full of very ugly mages, Erza-san."

Back in the magical carriage racing after the train, Naruto pulled large stacks of papers from his raincoat's fourth dimensional pockets. Lucy stared at the orange coat while the office worker prepared some profiles, "Do you mean ugly in that they are physically so or…?" the blonde girl trailed off.

Naruto cringed, "I'd say that whatever you're thinking needs to be worsened ten times over." he sighed, "Attempted murder, terrorism, and I wouldn't be surprised if their leader ate some kid's puppy just because."

"They're bad news, I get it." Gray said, "How do we beat them then?"

Naruto hummed, "Well, nearly all of them are low level battle mages with magical weapons… Lemme see… We have some odd guy that can go through walls, the shady guy that ambushed me while I looked in the train for Natsu can use his own shadow, and their leader is a wind user…" he raised a brow, "Apparently he got the nickname Shinigami because of how ruthless he was cutting everyone around him, and perhaps he loved that title too much."

Lucy looked at the picture and her face screwed in disgust, "Yeah, he's not all there…"

"Any weaknesses?" Erza asked.

Naruto shook his head, "Dark guilds are hard to follow, Erza-san, I can't have all the answers you want when it comes to guys like these."

She turned her head to the side to be heard better, "Yet you carried their documents."

He winced, "Ok… I'll give you that, but it was the best I could do to find information on them. Honestly, the big wigs don't want anything to do with rogue guilds and their bad reputations. Why do you think they enjoy enslaving me to follow everything that Fairy Tail destroys in its name?" he pulled off his shades to rub his eyes, making sure no one saw their true color, "The council is full of people that just want to wash their hands off anything that doesn't make money or earns them trouble. I know when to keep my mouth shut, but even when I want to say something about this kind of thing they make sure I can't."

Gray gritted his teeth, "Is the council really that corrupt? You got to be kidding me. Even if we make a ruckus wherever we go, we still fight for them in our own way."

Naruto put on his shades, "Your way isn't economical enough, so it has to be put under their eyes and through my office."

Lucy stared at him intently, "Why are you sharing this with us? Before you'd be terrified of saying anything related to your job."

Naruto looked to the side, his face tensing, "I may not be into fighting due to my position, but even I can't keep quiet about something that is just wrong. Besides, I trust you guys enough to keep this between us." With the right amount of infliction and annunciation, he made all of them believe his sincerity in an utmost way.

His head then snapped up, worrying Lucy, "Is something wrong?"

' _Well, Kage-chan is finally moving. About time._ ' Naruto thought after his clone dispelled itself, and tried to think of an excuse for the blonde girl, "I…" he looked at Natsu, "…think you should pull him in."

Natsu was about to fall off the carriage, making Naruto and Lucy pull him back in, even if one did so reluctantly while wondering if it'd be good to let him fall. Meanwhile, a certain blue cat seemed to still be pondering something with its paws on his head, like a massage could get the ideas out. Once his and Lucy's combined efforts took Natsu back into the seat, and applying pressure to his shoulder for a nerve pinch that would keep him knocked out for a good part of the trip, the blond man addressed Happy.

"Is something bothering you?" Naruto commented with genuine curiosity, "Normally you'd be all about aye-aye-ing with Erza and Natsu around. But you've been oddly quiet."

Happy turned to the blond, "I know there's something I'm forgetting. I have to tell Lucy what it is."

Naruto tilted his head to the side, "I thought fish were the ones with the three-second memory."

Happy's fur stood on end, "Hey, I'm just not good at remembering things, ok?!"

Hands up, Naruto apologized, "Sorry, sorry, I'm just not good at keeping my mouth shut at times. Like the time I blurted out that since my boss kind of has the hots for Erza he should get a poster of her."

The carriage's metaphorical wheel had been handed to a stunned Gray, and a confused Naruto was pulled out the window by an armored hand, " **What did he do?** " asked a very enraged Erza. She was at the point where her anger settled like the calm before a storm, waiting for anything to trigger the lightning and downpour to drown someone in verbal or physical lashings.

Naruto would be scared – and who wouldn't if Erza were hanging out the side of a speeding carriage to pull them out the window? - if he didn't know how to play his game, "I just said it out loud and he got the idea in his head for about two to three seconds." He gripped her wrists to free himself, finding himself surprised that she kept her grip so deadly, "Listen, how about if I see one I destroy it and get out without a word? I'm good at being all stealthy and out of danger, something you need to learn at my office."

Erza pondered what he said and let him go, "I'll take your word for it. Your job with Fairy Tail does need you to be out of sight to avoid getting killed."

Naruto groaned, "Ugh… Should you really say that to me, the man that keeps record of everything you destroy?"

Lucy started to sweat nervously, "At this point I don't know what to believe." Erza let the blond go and returned to drive the carriage, taking the wristband from Gray and pumping more magic to catch up faster to the train. The blonde turned to the blond, "But is it true what you say? Are you that good at hiding because of Fairy Tail?"

Naruto sighed with his head near his knees, "It's like a natural talent of mine, keeping myself and things hidden from others no matter how much I want to shout something out."

Images of a mansion with ugly homicidal maids and a ship crashing on a town came to her. She could see the poor blond man having to hide from everyone wanting compensation since he was the only one desperate enough to work as Fairy Tail's accountant of sorts for all the damage they caused. It didn't take long for her to picture him hiding on ceilings like a ninja away from the angry mob that chased after her and Natsu. Little did the girl know that said mob had been dealt with by the blond and details were best left unsaid. No murder, though, he didn't need that much attention.

She patted his shoulder, "I think I know you now." She put her head near her own knees, "I just feel like an ant surrounded by so many powerful mages."

Naruto hummed inwardly, ' _Compared to Erza, yes you are, Lady Heartfilia. Tch, how long will it take for someone to find out your name's true meaning? If it's that bastard…_ ' he shook his head, ' _I'd rather work honestly for Fairy Tail than deal with assholes like those Phantom Lord jackasses. A bastard like me can still recognize true cruelty and set limits._ '

He smiled warmly at the girl, "It doesn't matter who you are or where you come from, Lucy-san. Everyone's born with some odd ticket, some people have the magic ticket called talent, others are born with the ticket of life and that's it, and many have theirs taken." he shrugged in a laidback manner, "It's all a matter of grabbing a hold of the ticket we have and make sure to make it a winning one. People can do what they want with their life even with a losing number. You have quite an odd ticket with your spirit magic, my ticket is perhaps odder considering my job."

Lucy looked at him intently, "Would you say you have a winning number?" she asked to amuse his metaphor.

He grinned, "I had to grab a hold of it pretty badly to get where I am."

Lucy smiled sadly, looking down, "To be honest, if I had to then I'd always change the ticket I was born with for the one I have with Fairy Tail."

Naruto was amused, "You surely like it here, which is nice." His thoughts were quite venomous, ' _I'll have to keep an eye on Fairy Tail's self-proclaimed rival guild then. Their boss really rubs me the wrong way like a broom covered in shit pressed into my face._ '

Lucy spoke up, "Aren't you nervous?"

He noticed her hands knitted together, "I'm probably more terrified than you."

She looked at him with wide eyes, and then closed them slowly, "Oh, that's right. You can't fight and yet here you are…"

He sighed tiredly but quickly covered it up in a manner that made him seem apologetic, he wanted to see the girl use her keys sooner than later, "Hey, hey, if things get ugly you have your spirits with you. And if it comes down to it…" he slapped his chest with a hand and put on a brave face even as his stomach churned in disgust at the cheesy words he spouted off, "I'll protect you with my life, Lucy-san, even against a true grim reaper."

Lucy blinked, "You're… awfully nice."

He blinked in confusion, "Uh… Thanks?"

She shook her head as the moment passed, "I mean, you're being too polite to me and Erza and now you say this even if you're scared… You're truly odd."

He chuckled, rubbing the back of his head, "I have a thing for prideful girls." He admitted, "I also love real cuties who are sweet and kind, but proud women do woo me. That's why I always address Erza-san and you so formally, Lucy-san."

Hey, trying to be a charming fool always worked for better or for worse, and he could always find ways to turn things around to get one step closer to his goal. And if the growing blush on her face was any indication, his words worked.

Being lied to and manipulated all his life by a mass murderer turned out to be of help in this twisted scenario.

XXXXXX

"So this is Eisenwald… Why did I actually expect a challenge?"

An entire dark guild was down on their faces before Naruto who boringly rubbed the back of his neck. He was looking uninterested like any sane man listening to the average criticisms from a drunken man they don't even know. He was also holding the self-proclaimed grim reaper by his throat and dragging him on the ground like a sack of potatoes.

Kageyama was slack-jawed, "He didn't even use that odd power back at the train… he beat them all with his… with his bare hands!" he was too shocked to unfreeze his face.

Naruto put his hands in his pockets, letting the dark guild's leader fall flat on the floor, "What a waste… I was hoping I'd get to see you all push Fairy Tail's most destructive idiots to their limits. You wouldn't last more than half a round." He squatted near an obese, fish-faced mage, "Tell me something, was your plan really try to kill the guild masters with this?"

At the sight of the flute in Naruto's hands, the mages glared at Kageyama, "Kage, you… you traitor…" said their leader, only to get stomped by Naruto's right foot.

"Silence while I'm talking will be appreciated, didn't your mom ever tell that it was golden?" The blond said while smearing his shoe on the scythe carrying mage, "As far as it concerns my office, all of you Eisenwald have no value to the world unless you're dead. However, what if your value was raised a bit?" he gave them that twisted smirk of his, "The world is just a lie so long as the council works, don't you think? All of their lectures are always about how right they are above everything else, am I right? Come on, guys. Am I? I bet I am."

His laughter was both cheerfully amused and twisted, he enjoyed himself too much, and then… he relaxed, making them see something odd in him. His face was still twisted with a dark smile, but he looked at ease, like he was getting a weight off his chest without letting his emotions blind him.

"Back in my village, all I had were lies all because our leader thought he was in the right keeping me in the dark. It's actually laughable how much that made me see things differently, for you see, I was born with talent. My parents had been prodigies, my entire life could have been one surrounded with adoration and admiration, but because I didn't have any power with my parents' dead, I was alone. My village's leader was in the right just because he was the one in charge. And it's a story that always repeats itself everywhere. Only those that have power can raise to the top and claim that what they're saying is what others must believe. Therefore, I have only one desire… Care to guess?"

Kageyama gulped, "You wish to destroy this system?"

Naruto chuckled mirthfully, "Close, but no… While I am here, though, I just want to remind those big wigs that they're as human as all of you without their authority and power. We all know their rule is shit, they have the power to destroy entire countries with a single snap of their fingers if someone so much as dares look at them funny. People like them even mock others by blatantly lying to their faces, as if to get a laugh that they can get away with what they do."

Kage glared at him, "Then what makes you so different? I saw how you acted with Fairy Tail, so what makes you different from the council or those who took down our guild?" the way he spoke just triggered something in him. The blond was so sure of what he spoke it was downright infuriating.

Naruto raised a finger, "I don't want anything out of this. I don't even want to get any reward from anyone. I want nothing in return. I just really want to see this world turn upside down when the lies it's been fed fall on its head." He waved his hand dismissively in the air, "Everyone will always preach how the world they fight for is the perfect one or how they're in the right, I want to shatter every lie they believe, that's all."

The entire dark guild looked up at the monster in man's clothing, stunned by the way he spoke his words in such a laidback but confident manner.

It was almost melodic and soothing.

Naruto patted himself on the back, ' _It's not like I'm lying. This magic council is so sure all of their shit is some perfumed marvel of nature I just want to smash that image they have of themselves into tiny, itsy-bitsy pieces. But that's kind of a side-quest on this adventure game to find what I want…_ '

One of the mages raised a dubious hand, "What happens if we follow you?"

Naruto grinned, "You'd still go to jail but with lesser charges, and I'd make sure to keep an eye on you." he had to be honest, and quickly elaborate when seeing their angry faces, "Some of you will get a pardon… And do you want to know why?" They stared at him in confusion, and then Naruto's shades were off, "Because… there is far worse in this world than lies…"

The mages knew at that instant that they couldn't, wouldn't, mustn't go against their new boss.

XXXXXX

"What's going on?!"

Erza's question wasn't replied instantly, so she head-butted the guard she grabbed as a punishment.

Naruto cringed, "Erza-san! You can't hurt civilians because they don't follow your disciplines! Do you know how much trouble I get in if they try to sue your guild?!" None at all, but it was still a pain.

Happy finally stated the obvious, "There's lots of people running around."

All of them were trying to get as far away from the train station as humanly and swiftly possible.

"M-Monster! There's a monster!"

"Run! Everyone run!"

"Don't let it get me, oh please don't!"

Gray looked from side to side to the terrified people, "Is this some joke? First Eisenwald, and now a monster? Wait, could they be related?" he turned to Lucy to ask that.

The blonde shook her head, "I don't know… That flute is some nasty dark magic, but with the way people are reacting I'd expect it to be the melody, not some monster."

"We can't scratch the possibility." Erza said as she set down the third guard she knocked into a deep slumber.

Natsu raised up his fists, "Who cares?! I want to find that shadow bastard and kick his face in! And if there's a monster, then even better, this mission won't be boring!"

"Our main objective hasn't changed. We have to stop Eisenwald." Erza said seriously, "If this monster is related to them, we'll kill two birds with one stone."

The team nodded and raced through the city to the train station.

And what they found was a heavily beaten up dark guild, no sign of the flute or the leader, and a dark figure walking casually towards them with his hands in his pockets walking down the stairs of the large building. The figure was hidden from head to toes by a large blood red cloak with a hood that kept his head's top hidden. He had a dark jacket beneath it with a high collar that covered everything below his eyes, and he had black pants and shoes as he walked casually to them. What stood out the most was to see his eyes, a pitch black sclera surrounded a crimson iris.

The blond behind the Fairy Tail mages grinned inwardly, ' _I knew this'd be the perfect opportunity to fully measure this guild's most destructive forces…_ '

"Who are you?!" Natsu shouted, "Are you with the dark guild?!"

The figure didn't reply, he kept walking forward with his hands in his pants' pockets and his dark eyes staring at the team, ignoring the blond man.

This of course fired up Natsu, "Say something, you creep!"

A fire charged punch always did the trick against any kind of tangible enemy that was as open as this guy. He gave a step up to start climbing the stairs… and found himself face down on the floor with a heavy bruise shaped like a fist on his cheek.

"W-What happened?" Happy asked in shock, "Natsu, why did you fall?! He didn't move!"

The fire mage growled, "I didn't and I won't ever step down from a fight!" he gave another step forward, a second, and a third… and before he could give the fourth he found himself yet again at the bottom of the stairs with his breath gone due to some powerful blunt strike to his stomach.

*Clap!*

Natsu looked up in pure rage at the dark man before him, clapping slowly like a ballet instructor trying to teach the dancers by setting a tempo.

And another clap echoed behind them… with the dark figure two feet behind Erza, making the redhead's eyes widen.

The mages turned around and stared at the figure with wide eyes, and the blond office worker fell flat on his butt, "This guy… He… Watch out!" he cried to Fairy Tail, making the dark figure turn to him, "Guys, that kind of magic makes it seem like he can move everywhere and everything he wants to his pleasure! I've seen some mages use it before! Be care-"

And Naruto's words died in his throat when the dark figure appeared before him. With an "Oh dear" he got himself kicked him in the gut, while the cloaked man was careful not to knock the shades off his face.

"N-Naruto-san!" Lucy cried and tried to reach the believably unconscious office worker, but the dark figure's stare stopped her. And she could see through his jacket's collar that he was smirking playfully.

Natsu growled at the sight of the 'fallen' office worker, "You bastard… What is your deal?! Why did you have to hurt someone that can't fight back?!"

The figure took his hands out of his pockets, and shrugged… He just shrugged.

Gray was furious, "Eat this!" he shot both hands forward.

Lucy registered a large ice structure of some sort falling down on the dark figure, crushing the ground and creating a decently sized crater for the figure to be at. The only problem was that there was more clapping, and the chill running down the blonde girl's spine told her already of the dark figure's whereabouts.

Natsu's hand landed on her shoulder, and she barely registered that he used her as a step to flip herself in the air, right foot flaming and being brought down to smash the dark figure right on the kisser. The fire mage's body rocketed off into the sky and landed after getting up a good dozen feet. Lucy's heart sunk to the bottom of her stomach and skipped several beats at what she saw. The cloaked man didn't move his hands from what she saw, so he had to be a very, very powerful mage.

The figure disappeared from sight yet again without a trace, noise, or even a smell. The mage team caught a glimpse of him, sitting on the steps of going up into the large train station with his hands knitted in front of his hidden face and his elbows on his knees. He looked deep in thought, his eyes scanned them carefully and landed on Erza, whose eyes stared at him with the same spark of determination and intelligence to win the red clad man possessed.

Natsu gasped for breath once and flipped himself back on his feet, glaring at the smug bastard that somehow knocked him up in the air and wishing to burn him to ashes with his stare. He was about to walk and try yet again to hit him, no matter how hard it was or how long it took the pink haired lad wanted to pummel the dark figure's face until not even he could recognize it.

And a hand on his ankle was all it took to stop him, moving his eyes to see Kageyama with his face down on the floor, "D-Don't fight him… You can't win… He's… a true monster…" and just like that, Kageyama fell into unconsciousness, or so it seemed to the even angrier Natsu. Unknown to him, Kageyama had a large grin on his face while he lied down.

The figure chuckled, put a hand to his hood, and revealed his face to be… Natsu's.

"What?!" the pink haired lad exclaimed at the sight of his doppelganger. His teammates were just as shocked. The face, build, everything was exactly like Natsu had on the dark figure's clothes, except for the dark eyes the copy possessed, the same that the figure they found had.

The dark eyed Natsu grinned mockingly, "Still not good enough, never good enough for anything, I see." The pink haired copy said with Natsu's voice, his grin widening wickedly, "But it doesn't matter, I shall fight for Fairy Tail, the guild that treated me like a family. After all, what point do I have to find some other identity for myself? I am useless without that guild… I can't be smart, I can't do much to surpass Erza yet, but I just have to try my hardest… Or do I?"

Natsu glared hard, "What're you saying?!"

The copy cackled, "It's so easy to say everything is for that shitty guild, isn't it? Without them as my identity, I am worthless… Fairy Tail is my power, all right. I shall boast as much as I can about it to feel like I belong somewhere, with people in a warm, cozy home. Besides, what else am I good for?"

Erza gritted his teeth, "Show us your face, coward!"

The shady figure smirked more, and grabbed the copied face.

In another cloud of smoke Lucy appeared, with those demonic eyes and the same clothes the dark figure wore now hugging her voluptuous figure.

"Me?!" she cried, stepping back.

The figure laughed, "Fairy Tail is the best! It's so free, so full of people who just accept me… Why should I need to be anywhere else?!" she gave the real blonde girl a sweet, twisted smile, "This is a guild of freedom, after all. It's like I have no chains, like I can be myself no matter what…"

Erza appeared right in front of the dark figure, swinging a halberd to try to take him down.

She hit only air.

"It is so… tiresome…" Erza's voice said, as the redhead's doppelganger squatted on a lamppost with a tired look on her face, "This armor I have, its warmth and the strength it grants me… It's like I never have to be chained down. But am I free?"

"How about you try me for size?!" Gray shouted and tried to free the dark figure.

A series of slow claps behind him alerted him that he missed, "That fiery bastard should shut up for once! Who does he think he is, speaking like he knows what he says?! He doesn't take anything seriously to begin with." He appeared behind the whiskered office worker's body, with Gray's face set in a scowl, "What good is a mage that gets himself killed because they can't see reason?"

The figure appeared yet again, this time using his real face and body, Naruto's, in his suit complete with his orange raincoat, and with his shades off.

Naruto wagged a finger at the mages, his smile turning bubbly and cheerful, "Fairy Tail is truly odd… I bet they can help me find answers I want. Maybe that way I can finally manage to make up for every little mistake I made… Oh dear, what would they think if they saw this face of mine? I just want to make sure I can settle everything I should have had I not been so stupid and naïve."

"Stop playing games!" Natsu shouted and lunged at Naruto.

The blond gave a step forward, took his hands out of his pockets, and his fist collided with Natsu's. The pink haired mage grunted and stepped back, nursing his sore knuckles as he glared at the sight of Naruto's right arm. For a brief second, something red and dark flashed and coated the blond man's entire limb, creating a far larger hand of pure dark and foul energy.

Erza narrowed her eyes, "Naruto-san is wrong, that is no magic… That energy he has… it feels wrong, corrupted." She readied a sword in her hand, with her eyes set on the enemy, "I'll make sure you regret wearing our friend's face for this!"

Naruto cackled, ' _This is why I like you, my Red Queen, you're truly fun… Now, show me at least a glimpse of Fairy Tail's hidden power!_ ' he spread his arms welcomingly to her, "Sure, I'll play with you all."

 **XXXXXX**

 **And that's my rap!**

 **I am so sorry that so far the story made no sense, but here I am slowly but surely piecing it together. Trust me, it is weird but I'll try to make it work.**

 **Yeah, Yami/Dark-Naruto is smart and savvy with his words. He is the interpretation of everything Naruto kept hidden, and is a manifestation of people's darkness like a Shadow Boss in Persona. He knows what to say and how hard to hit someone with it. Too bad that Kishimoto dumbed him down to be beaten by the power of Carebear hugs… Ugh, that just gave me an ulcer out of thinking it.**

 **Being smarter than his Light counterpart, Yami managed to see that Fairy Tail had some cool shit because, and let's be honest, if a guild like them existed and they just got out with slaps on the wrist then someone would see that the government favors them. The question is how and why, which is why the blond took so "kindly" to work for them. All so he could find Fairy Tail's secrets and see how they help him in his goals.**

 **And if you want to know what he's after… Kaguya has yet to be seen and she has to be stopped. Let's face it, she's that kind of villain that will carry a plan no matter how stupid it may be or how many times she has to try. And sorry, I just wish she had been developed as a character, because all she really was created for is to be a reason to redeem and forgive the Uchiha clan of all their actions.**

 **Well, I depressed myself, hope you're happy.**

 **Swordslinger out!**


	4. Chapter 4

I OWN NOTHING

I am having far more fun than I should considering how much of a bastard I'm writing this Naruto as, then I remember this is his dark persona, shrug my shoulders and enjoy myself in a twisted way.

 **XXXXXX**

Cynical or realistic?

"State your name!"

Erza's cry was accompanied by the clang of a halberd against red ethereal energy coating her enemy's arm like armor. Naruto grinned at her and brought his knee to her side, to which she replied by changing her halberd into a couple of short swords which she crossed to parry the blow. His orange raincoat flew in the wind, his crooked red tie remained close to his white shirt, and his black suit had not a single stain in it.

The blond jumped back and skidded to a halt, hands in his pockets, "Name's…" he started with a cheerful, innocent grin, "Naruto Uzumaki. I was born on the tenth day of October, am single, love noodles and have an odd thing for proud and pretty women. I'm more than happy to work at Fairy Tail and see all the new things they can show me, even if they're a pain. I also think Mirajane's pasta is some of the best I ever tasted."

"Eat this, faker!" Natsu shouted, and his right flaming foot sailed right at the blond man's head.

Naruto's arm moved in a blur, zipping out of his pants pocket and sailing at Natsu's leg. In that same instant pure raw energy covered his limb, taking a bigger and heavier form. The large chakra arm, about the size of the blond's torso, slammed on the foot and sent Natsu backwards. The pink haired lad flipped backwards in the air to land softly and rush at the office worker yet again. Seeing the incoming barrage, three enormous ethereal arms appeared from Naruto's back, and moved to his right side. Natsu's punch slammed into the wall of chakra limbs, making him growl in anger before throwing another kick that failed to pass through the red energy limbs.

"Stay still!" Gray shouted, making Naruto near cringe when feeling the cold approaching his feet.

The entire street was freezing right towards him, ice spikes shot but they weren't big enough to cause any harm, they just showed that he would be frozen in place if he didn't move out and fast. Deciding that testing the most destructive members of Fairy Tail took a big priority in his list, the blond grinned at Natsu as a far larger, thicker arm shot from his back's left side and grew up to forty five feet. The red ethereal limb grabbed onto the nearest wall, sinking its fingers into it and pulling the lean suited man out of harm's way.

Using the momentum of the arm's pull, Naruto threw himself on top of a lamppost in which he squatted on like a bird observing its prey, a matching predatory grin appeared to make the analogy known even to the mages, "Where have your smiles for me gone to, Fairy Tail? Honestly, I believed you when you said you wanted to smile at me for the sake of being nice. Then again, that's all I can hope for. Smiles only happen when you get something good out of someone's existence. They can be as easily forgotten and erased if that someone were said to be bad news."

Natsu was furious, "Stop mocking Fairy Tail, you bastard!"

A brief smoke explosion changed Naruto into Natsu, again, "Stop making it so easy to mock them." He said with a twisted grin, the demonic eyes the Copy-Natsu had made it even more unnerving to head the pinket say those words, "Fairy Tail is the only good thing I have in this world! Why should I want anything else?! It's all so easy to hold unto the simple things, yet so hard to look for something else."

A gasp turned the mages' attention to Lucy, facing her own copy, a rather… lewd grin on her face, "Everyone's loud, rude, and always cause trouble, but it feels more like home than anywhere else. Why should I worry about life when it's so easy to hang out with people I barely know and that don't know all there is to me? That's what friendship is all about: licking each other's wounds without looking at the nasty side."

Lucy grabbed her head, covering her ears to let out her own screams with shut eyes, "Shut up! Shut up! Who do you think you are?!"

It was Erza's time to be copied, a cruel smirk on the copy's face, "Fairy Tail is an armor, and without them one can't fight. People always needs others to rely on and feel less like a freak when they're with other freaks. Their power is not in numbers, sheer magic, or whatever blessings they have, it's the fact they found a secret called ignorance. They choose to be ignorant to the pain around them to feel at ease."

Erza's javelin missed the copy's face, and Gray was staring at his double resting on the floor on one side, a hand keeping his chin off the ground, "People's bonds are just an excuse to have pain shoved into you, to be a burden others have to carry. People only do it to cast off the weight in their hearts for a different, more comfortable one. In the end, they're just dragging their mistakes around like shackles."

"How's this for shackles?!" Gray asked and powerful gusts of frozen air rushed at him.

Once again, the attacks missed, and Naruto appeared where his "real" unconscious self was, leaning on the nearest wall to the knocked out clone with his true face, "People won't accept the ugly side they or others have so easily." He said with a wicked smirk, "Friendship, true friendship, is about accepting all the ugly things in one's life. Easier said than done. People would rather forget than learn such things."

"Enough!" surprisingly, that was Lucy.

Before Naruto was a massive… cow man. He arched a brow, but didn't question it much. He had to hold back a few laughs when an axe came to him and jumped up, hands back in his pockets. Upon landing he had to flip his body backwards to avoid another axe swing from Erza, and lean his head to the side to avoid another fire punch.

He gave Natsu an innocent smile, "Do you think I'm smiling because I'm happy? It doesn't work that way. Smiles like yours are just to hide what you don't want to deal with, Fairy Tail."

"Lucy's right, I had enough hearing you talk!" the ice mage said.

Forcing his right foot back, he managed to parry and deflect an ice arrow, and knew he had to move before Gray tried to freeze him again. So far he liked what he was seeing in this little test, but he really needed Lucy to go all out and show him some more of her keys' magical summons.

He started to slowly clap, setting a tempo with each meeting of his palms, "Come on, show me the worth of your bonds or if you're just using others as mere crutches."

Erza aimed a broadsword at him, "How can you be so sure about ourselves when you only use our faces as masks?!"

Deciding to add salt to injury, he bowed and adopted a nervous look on his face, "Please take it easy on me, I beg of you! I have to say what I see! And Fairy Tail is quite scary…" here he smirked back to his true darker, sadistic self, "In the fact it could so easily fall at the hands of someone like me."

Natsu was about to charge until Erza's hand on his shoulder stopped him, "He's taunting us, trying to mess with our heads and make us sloppy." She gritted her teeth, "It may be working, but we can't let him win like this."

Natsu cracked his knuckles by gripping them tightly, "Don't worry, I'll kick his ass either way!"

"Tee-hee!" that obviously forced, badly acted giggle was from the blond, who looked sheepishly at them, "Oh sorry, I had to laugh there even if the joke was bad."

He looked at each mage with an inward tired sigh. Erza was as strong as ever, Natsu remained his same destructive self, Gray was making the exact progress he made through the time the blond was the guild's accountant, and Lucy's best summon was the cow man unless she got near water from what she said. Maybe she could fight with the whip he saw hidden in her clothes, but it seemed that Cancer and Aquarius would be missed opportunities.

Axe, ice spear, fire kick and a broadsword met his body, piercing right through it.

Then a cloud of smoke blinded them, and right behind them there he was, dusting his suit while a log was shattered to many pieces behind him.

A certain blue cat watched it all intently, and it hit him, "He can hide in plain sight, just like Naruto said he could." He cocked his head to the side, "This is making my head hurt, and there's something I can't remember. What was it?" he grabbed his head in deep worry, knowing all he could do was to assist Natsu with the power of flight, but the blond shape-shifter could easily stop them unless he midair, preferably falling to his untimely demise so they wouldn't have to fight for long.

The "real" Naruto, still lying flat on his back, groaned at the cat, "H-Happy?" he grabbed his supposedly aching sides and stumbled to the cat, grabbing something he saw in the cat's possession, "What is this?"

Happy gasped, "That is Virgo's key! I was supposed to hand it to Lucy since Virgo wanted to fight with her!"

Naruto pulled off his shades, revealing azure eyes rather than red – he may be shocked by the ridiculous revelation, but wasn't stupid enough to blow his cover – and shouted, "How can you forget something that important?! Is your memory worse than a sardine's?!"

"Hey, I just don't remember stuff well!"

Then he saw his chance, his other self currently had his back turned to him, he had Virgo's key in one hand, and the others now noticed he was awake. He would have grinned, but managed to keep a determined, if terrified, look on his face to do something very brave and very stupid if any other normal man with no magic or chakra dared to do it.

"What the-" the dark eyed Naruto shouted while the blue eyed "real" one jumped at him from behind, put on a lame headlock with one arm, and waved the gold key with the other.

"Lucy-san, this is Virgo's key! Happy kept it all this time, but take it!" and he threw it.

Lucy, after registering how beautiful Naruto's blue eyes were, caught the key and fought to shake off her surprise, "R-Right!" she shouted and inwardly groaned at what she would summon, a gorilla like maid that had tried to crush her into paste would appear when she opened this door. The sight of the blue eyed Naruto flailing around while holding on to the dark eyed Naruto's neck was enough motivation to do it.

"How may I help you, mistress?"

Naruto stared at the maid with short pink hair, shackles on her wrists, and quite the bodacious figure, "Whoa, she's my type." He said even while his copy tried to shake him off, and locked his legs around the other blond man's waist to make sure he wasn't thrown off.

While Lucy tried to make a contract with Virgo, Natsu saw his chance, "Good job, Naruto! Keep him still!" he said and rushed at the dark eyed blond, who turned around, using the blue eyed blond as a shield.

Natsu bit back a growl and stopped his right flaming fist before it collided with the back of the man he believed to be his ally. His reward was to have the darker of the two blond men throw a foot backwards. Getting mule-kicked in the gut really didn't help him think straight when his mind was already going on many different ways to kick the dark eye office worker's behind.

Erza rushed at his side for an opening, moving faster than she ever let on, and tried to impale the blond, only for him to use the other as a meat shield. She groaned and tried changing her sword's trajectory to strike the dark eyed Naruto, only for said blond to disappear along the other. The dark eyed man's hand gripped her sword, coated with the crimson energy she saw him use so freely to stop her from cutting his hand.

The blue eyed Naruto let out a yelp when his doppelganger's ethereal arms shot from his back, holding him up in the air. Erza knew there were bad news when the dark eyed blond stared at her and grinned. The dark energy limbs swung the cerulean eyed Naruto right at her, forcing Erza to catch him in her arms and watch the other blond rushing at her for a punch.

Red eyes narrowed in a frown when the real Naruto found his fist smashing on Natsu's knees, giving Erza time to change of armor. In a flash she wore a suit of steel that had a wing motif with the design, making her look like an angelic knight. He would have admired the transformation since it required her clothing to come off and change forms, but also had to flip backwards to avoid getting hit by an ice ramrod.

Blue eyes widened and a slight blush came to the cloned Naruto's cheeks, "Uh… May I be put down now, please? I wanted my first time being this close to a girl to be more… romantic."

Seeing how close to Erza's breasts the other blond man's head was, the red eyed one chuckled, "My, my, Erza-san sure is a cutie, isn't she? But when it comes to her real emotions she seems both colder and perhaps even scary when keeping her strong. It makes me kind of sad, really."

"Wait, did he read my mind…" the blue eyed Naruto started, and paused for five seconds, "Wait, why are you using my face?!"

The dark eyed Naruto stepped back, extending his arms to the side, "I am the darkness that lies in everyone's heart. I was made flesh by the likes of people like you. Accept it, Fairy Tail, I know you too well. I could basically be your own shadow! Hahahaha!"

He had to cut his laugh short when the pink haired maid burst from the ground and nearly landed an upper-cut to his chin. Then it was time for Dark-Lucy to appear, "A bit sad, isn't it?" she asked with a crooked smirk, "The only good side to best know another is the ugly side that is hidden."

Lucy was livid, "Stop talking like you do know us! All you're saying… You're lying! You're not…" she felt tears in her eyes, "You're not me!"

Natsu nodded, "Stop lying! You are nothing like us, you don't know us at all!"

Gray clenched his fists, "We had enough of your tricks, so it's about time we shut you up."

Erza readied her swords, "So face us with your own true face, coward!"

Dark Lucy cackled, "I told you… I am darkness… Call me Yami if you wish." Yami said with Lucy's cheerful tone, "Besides, it's all so easy to deny the bad things and to keep them locked, isn't it? Fairy Tail is only so good. But real friends… they're not going to be there to help you achieve a job, and would you even remain in contact with them after they get married, had kids, and had to move with their own lives? The sad truth is that bonds are best forgotten when they just burden you and weigh you down."

Dark Erza was in the spotlight, "After all, what worth is there for others to be around licking your wounds but being pathetic to get attention? Or perhaps you want to shrug that because there's something you want to do for yourself? In the end, everything is about how much we love ourselves, and the word friends is referred to those that we use to feel that oh so much better with smiles."

Dark Gray took the former double's place, "After all, how can you truly like one's ugly side if they were like me?" he laughed briefly, "People are always about accepting others, but it's nothing more than them trying to have others being the way you want them to be."

Dark Natsu finally appeared, ruffling his hair, "It's all scary when you think about it. After all, you're seeing the full ugly side I have, and here you are, denying anything about your bonds. If you feel betrayed, was there even a point in having bonds at all?"

Yami returned, and this time he was sneering, "That's what pisses me off the most about you, Fairy Tail brats!"

Looking ready to blow a vein in anger, he was serious after getting out everything he loathed about the stupid concepts of morals that brought his good side to his downfall and to accept him, Naruto Uzumaki's darkness incarnate, as his true self. Four massive ethereal arms shot from his back, each twice his size. The limbs put their hands at his sides, two beside his feet and the other two beside his head. Pure energy crackled when Fairy Tail watched an enormous mass of energy gather in the form of a sphere between all four demonic arms.

Erza's eyes widened, "That kind of power… That's beyond any normal mage's. If he unleashes that it'd be worse than a magical cannon." She started to sweat.

Natsu turned to her, worried, "What do you mean? We have to stop him either way!"

"We can't!" Erza said with clenched teeth, "If we mess it up and he lets loose such power, the entire station… no, everyone and everything in this county could burn!"

Gray felt his heart sink, "Impossible… It has to be a joke, who is this guy?!"

The blue eyed Naruto put on his shades, "We have to run!"

Lucy summoned Virgo again, "Yes, Princess." The maid said after getting the contract done.

"Virgo, get us out in a deep tunnel, now!" Lucy shouted.

The maid was about to sink on the ground…

But a voice stopped everyone.

"That is enough, Yami."

Naruto had to fight his every instinct to keep the grin off his face, ' _As disappointing as this may be, it's all a good insurance._ '

White robe, white hair, white bone hors, and three demonic eyes appeared beside the dark man. Kaguya Ootsutsuki had arrived, floating down… or so it seemed.

The energy said dark man accumulated ceased to exist and he spat on the ground, "What do you want?" he asked, sounding truly angry.

The woman stared down at the mages with her head held high, like they were insects, "Fairy Tail is no good for us if they can't put up a fight for you."

Yami scoffed, "I told you so from the start, Kaguya. I even wanted to have some fun, but you can guess how bored I must have been to really want to wipe this place due to the lack of challenge."

Natsu growled, "Hey, you bunny!" he shouted with a finger aimed at the woman, "Who do you think you are?! Why are you two mocking our guild like you are so high and mighty?"

The woman stared at him like before, seeing no worth in his life, "I see potential and room for improvement, but it'd be a waste of time to bother with a guild like yours. As for me, I am Kaguya Ootsutsuki. I hope you remember that name well, boy. I am the goddess that shall bring salvation to those who deserve it."

Natsu raced at her, Yami looked disinterested at him running with his hands in his dress pants' pockets, and watched the pinket fly backwards from a single palm strike.

"What the…" Natsu groaned and got up.

"I was expecting far more from you, Fairy Tail." She said with her stoic face and voice, "Next time you are graced with my presence, show some improvement."

And with that, she and Yami were gone.

Naruto for his part had trouble keeping down his smile, but he managed.

After all, what better way to greet Kaguya into this world than making her a target?

Just like she did with him.

"Oh dear…" the blue eyed Naruto started, looking at the still beaten members of the dark guild of Eisenwald, "How am I going to report this to HQ?"

XXXXXX

The train back home was silent, just the way Naruto would have liked it with Fairy Tail around. He inwardly cheered for his victories, there were no damaged buildings, he had a former dark guild following him, and he had set up the one being in the world he had reasons to worry about, even if slightly.

But he had to look worried, so he did, "That was… odd…" he tried to break the silence.

"You didn't get to see most of it." Lucy started, "You're lucky that way."

She looked melancholically out the window, which he had to correct, "You got to try out a new key, though." He said with a smile, "And Virgo-san seems to like you quite a lot."

Erza balled her hands into fists, "We shouldn't have let him keep the upper hand."

Naruto hummed, "Well, he did say some pretty serious stuff." He crossed his arms and looked thoughtful, "But, the way I see it… he was just a jerk."

Natsu growled, "Damn right! Next time I see him I'll make him pay for all the bullshit he said!"

Naruto waved frantically at the pinket to get his attention, "It's not just that. The way I see it, he was aiming something at you guys." He took off his shades to reveal blue eyes again, "He can say all he wants about how broken and ugly you guys are, and it'll only hold as much weight as you let it."

Lucy stared at him, "Naruto…"

He chuckled, the back of his head ruffled by a hand, "Sorry. Like I say, I can't keep quiet about things like this. You're all Fairy Tail, the guild that doesn't give up and keeps trying, right?" he let his entire body rest on his seat, "That Kaguya lady looks like a fine piece of work. She was calling the shots and whoever that Yami was could easily mess with Eisenwald while following her orders, if reluctantly…"

Gray nodded, "They're strong, I get it. What is your point?"

Naruto let out a nervous laugh, "I'm not good at this pep talk thing, but if you consider how hard he was trying to put all of you down by using your faces, I'd say this Yami wanted you all to face the ugly side he spoke of." He looked at his hands with his fingers knitted on his lap, his shades resting there, "I wear these shades because I don't want anyone to see my face. It's kind of scary when you have to face someone… You guys have your own problems and issues to deal with. So why not accept it next time you face him?"

Erza looked out the window, deep in thought, "It is… easier said than done, Naruto."

He sighed tiredly, "Do you say that because it's really that hard, or because you're afraid, Erza-san?"

The rest of the trip back home kept going with an awkward atmosphere. Meanwhile, Eisenwald were in their own private car with cuffs on their wrists and ankles, patiently waiting for their new boss.

' _Four gold keys, eight more to go if I'm correct._ ' Naruto thought with his shades back on, ' _I already planted the seeds. It will only take a matter of time to see them grow._ '

He noticed a shadow moving and excused himself to the bathroom.

On the trip through the doors to the other car, he met a smiling shadow sliding nervously beside his new boss, "Everyone's locked up. Are you sure this will work?"

Naruto grinned, "For now they won't be bothered if I did my homework, and of course I did." He loosened his tie and sighed, "All we need is a little word here and there, some forged evidence, a couple of excuses, and presto, we're free of guilt like any man with any authority is."

Kageyama chuckled, "You could have made it into politics."

Naruto returned the laugh, "Nah, I'd get sick of it real fast. And like I said, I want to destroy this system to see how well the councilmen hang up without it." he grinned madly, "People like them think the world has to march to their own beat because they got a lucky ticket they didn't put any effort into crafting themselves. If I'm here I want to see how long they last without it."

"You're really into them, boss."

Naruto smirked at the boss part, "If you mean the guild, yes. I want to see what power they hold, and to do so I need to break them in more ways than one so they can face all the shit they keep hidden. But if you mean the two girls." He turned around and smiled warmly at Lucy when noticing her staring at him, and waved at her, "I do have a thing for cuties and for proud girls like those two."

With the Fairy Tail mages, Erza pondered something, "When we battled Yami… That was the first time we saw Naruto's eyes…" she mumbled to herself.

Lucy caught her, "What do you mean?"

Erza shook her head, "His tale of being unable to face others with his true face does bother me when Yami used it with such enjoyment. Maybe Yami is…" she sighed, "…really our darker, hidden part."

Natsu growled, "Are you kidding me?! Why would I say that shit about Fairy Tail?!"

Erza closed her eyes, "The way he acted and the things he said, we can't deny he knew more about us than we let on."

Each mage looked away from her, but Natsu, "So what? All he said about accepting our ugly sides doesn't bother me." He leaned back, cross-armed, "If anything, the next time I see him I will show him what I'm really made of. Not what he says, or what I could think of myself, but what I can do!"

Gray gave a half-hearted chuckle, "I don't need an idiot like you to tell me that. But that sounds like a plan."

On the other car, Naruto smirked, "You reap what you sow…"

It seemed that the mages were determined to face his Yami persona.

In due time, perhaps.

For now he needed to keep his act.

"Geesh, sorry, I don't think anyone would use those bathrooms…" he sat tiredly, "Trust me, you guys better hold it in."

Natsu raised a brow, "Can you? It's a long trip."

Naruto chuckled, "I should ask you that, considering the train has yet to move."

And with the minimal shake from the engine started, Natsu started to heave.

"Not on my shoes!"

Naruto's cry echoed through the whole train, showing that karma could catch up to him in its own ways.

Or perhaps the universe really wanted to make him hate Fairy Tail.

XXXXXX

"…and that concludes my report, gentlemen."

Now that he was standing in front of the councilmen and his direct boss Siegrain, Naruto really wanted some freedom.

Some of the elder men tensed, despite one good bit of great news, "So Fairy Tail didn't cause any collateral damage?"

The blond shook his head, adjusting his shades, "I know it's hard to believe even if I was knocked out, but that Yami guy didn't give them enough time to destroy a thing. And I guess I was lucky to be there before Natsu-kun could destroy the train Kageyama found us at."

Siegrain, the tattoo-faced man, smiled amused, "Then you may be more than the perfect man for the job, Naruto. You could be Fairy Tail's lucky charm."

Naruto chuckled, "Well, does that mean I could work less and go out on more missions with them? While fun, it's better than working myself to the bone for you, boss." He rubbed the back of his head.

While many expected Siegrain to burn Naruto on a stake, the man returned the laugh, "I'm afraid not. But considering some changes in how this Kaguya's appearance has become a threat, we may need of you to keep an even closer eye on that guild. This woman has something personal with Fairy Tail, or it could be her lapdog Yami. Whatever the case, we can't let her roam around free."

The blond sighed in relief, "Yeah, she looked pretty scary already. Am I glad you're dealing with her before she can do something, after all, Erza-san herself stated that Yami could pretty much destroy an entire city on his own. I'm not looking forward to what that lady can show us."

The other councilmen didn't look as relieved, "But back on track. Fairy Tail's track so far has gotten out of hand, whatever threat this woman poses doesn't compare to what that guild has done considering that they do more harm than good."

Naruto had to hold back a growl, ' _You're that desperate to hold a leash on their throats you want to ignore the bigger issue… How did you guys become councilmen again? Meh, this just makes my job easier._ ' He loosened his tie, "Indeed, but as their supervisor I still can't declare them as a threat that big when compared to other guilds."

One of the elders snapped, "Are you mad?! No, you must be blind! How can you defend such a guild even after we gave you full authority to keep them in line and they don't follow your orders?!"

Naruto kept his dorky persona while giving a determined if still unimpressive frown, it was more like pouting, "Listen, I know they're trouble, but they're still the lesser evil when compared to the other guild in the area I could have worked with." He put a hand on his chest to sound and look more passionate, "Fairy Tail's master, Old Man Makarov, is someone I'd trust with my life without a second thought over the likes of Jose. Phantom Lord as a guild is far less scrupulous than Fairy Tail, and Master Jose may cause less harm, but…" he looked at the men through his shades, sounding convinced, "I refuse to work along someone as selfish as him!"

Silence reigned the council room, for a couple of seconds.

Siegrain's laughter and clapping broke the pause, "Well said, Naruto. I knew I chose you for a reason."

Naruto bowed in the traditional Japanese manner with his hands on his hips and his neck presented to his boss, "Thanks! I mean it! Ahahaha… Sorry if I got carried away." He said with a nervous smile, hiding yet again how sickening it was to hear that, ' _Don't patronize me, asshole. If it weren't for me needing you and the Red Queen you wouldn't be here._ '

And with a last bow and a smile he turned around to get to work.

 **XXXXXX**

 **And that's my rap!**

 **So that was part of Naruto's plan, an insurance in case Kaguya ever showed her face to try to ruin his shit. He's basically reversing karma on the rabbit goddess to give her a taste of her own medicine after what she put him through.**

 **As for Naruto's plans, he wants to see Fairy Tail at their best to find out their true power. And what better way to do so than the hard way he learned to? That is to say, forcing them to face their Shadows and get their Personas- err… Get their shit together.**

 **And I know one of you wanted Naruto to have something like Magatsu-Izanagi, so allow me to burst that bubble and say it won't happen, sadly. But he has his demonic chakra arms a la Asura's Wrath, so there's that. I mean, come on, Berserk Asura is basically Berserk Naruto done good, with actually decent and competent drama and emotion!**

 **Sorry, rambling.**

 **Have something odd now.**

 **XXXXXX**

-OMAKE-

Tarot and Fortune!

At a stage with none other than Erza and Lucy in Playboy bunny girl costumes, they smile at the audience and wave energetically.

"Let's take a look at our characters and what card of the carot fits them best, shall we?" Lucy says with a wink to the audience while Cana appears on the stages, takes some cards out of her cleavage and shuffles them.

Erza walks to the extended card, "First up is…"

Lucy is handed the card and she waves it at the camera, "Yami/Dark-Naruto!"

Erza asks with a smile, "His card?"

Lucy looks at it with wide eyes, "The… Devil!"

Cana smiles softly, arms crossed over the bikini top that barely hid her glorious valley, "It's important for one to remember that no matter what your situation that they always have options to choose from. First things first, one shouldn't let other people tell them that their options are limited. If someone comes to that conclusion they must make sure that they are coming to it on their own. Regardless, it will be crucial to remember that they can free themselves from whatever restrictions are holding them back, at any time they choose to do so."

Erza nodded with a soft smile, "This card also symbolizes bondage that is metaphorical to find a truth others would keep hidden through denial."

Lucy looked surprised at the card and the one that represented it, "Ironic card, isn't it?"

Erza nodded and smiled at the audience, "It is, but that's all for now!" she aimed a finger at the crowd cheering.

Lucy rubbed her balled fists to her eyes, fake-crying, "Oh, but I wanted to find more about the cute blue eyed one."

Erza winked, "Perhaps next show."

Lucy perked up, "Oh, think I may be next?!"

The two sent winks at the crowd, "We shall see next show! Have a lovely day!"

Once the sound of applause and cheer ended, Cana walked to the side, rammed her fist through the fourth wall, and yanked the writer by his shirt's collar to face her.

"What the Hell?! I didn't get much screen time in this show and I've got a body that can compete with those two!"

The writer did the smart thing.

He ran off, screaming like a little girl.

 **XXXXXX**

 **Swordslinger out!**


	5. Chapter 5

I OWN NOTHING

On my occasional meth snorting sessions that I call brainstorming, some odd lightning came to me after I got some odd but fine blue crystal powder from a kind if very bald man with a fancy beard.

 **XXXXXX**

Date with devils

Lucy woke up with a groan. She needed a nice and long break after meeting Yami, having him laugh at her face like the definition of a sociopath with words that hit hard, and pretty much finding it hard to look at her own face. She sat in her bed in nothing but an extremely small pair of shorts that may as well be underwear and a loose top barely hanging to her shoulders.

She stretched, and a knock came when her bones cracked.

She got up to answer the door, "I'll get it." said Erza, politely walking in front of her towards the door to Lucy's apartment…

Wait…

"Erza?!" the blonde cried, jumping back, "How- When- Why are you here?!"

The redhead smiled softly, "I decided to visit you after seeing the others come here." She motioned to her side, where Natsu and Happy were busy eating her fridge empty and Gray sat on a sofa.

The knocking broke Lucy's train of thought at what she should tell the mages, and Erza answered it. The opened door revealed a justly perplexed Naruto, more like baffled, at the sight of Fairy Tail's most destructive members there. In one hand he held a bouquet of sunflowers while the other was adjusting his sunglasses to take in the sight before him, like a mental tick one had to try to tell themselves they weren't dreaming.

"Lucy-san, I thought you lived alone." He said to the blonde girl, his feet remained outside her home to be polite.

"I wish." She sighed, "Though I have to ask why you are here." she looked to the others and wanted to flinch for they were the hammer that smashed her idea of a peaceful home, "They enter without my permission."

He let out a bashful smile, "Oh, well, I tried to think this through before coming here but… I think I lost my train of thought just now." He said upon seeing the other mages, and gulped, "To be honest, I wanted to check on you after what happened on that mission. I brought you these to cheer you up."

He handled her the sunflowers, and she took them with some surprise at first when a smile crept up into her face, "Thanks, Naruto-san." She brought them closer to sniff them, more like hide her blush.

Said blond man chuckled, "You needn't be so formal with me, but you're welcome. Um, may I come in?" she motioned for him to do so and he sat in the living room in front of Gray while Natsu and Happy kept ransacking the fridge, "Lucy-san, if you don't mind me being bold, I could help you with this. You'd just have to file a restraining order and you wouldn't have to get unwelcome guests."

Lucy's eyes brightened, "For real?!"

Natsu growled, "Hey, what's all that about?! Who are these unwelcome guests?!"

Naruto decided to remain silent as did Lucy, "Or do you actually welcome them?"

Lucy tilted her head to the side, "I do not mind the company, but at times…"

He nodded slowly, "I get you, and… um…" he let out a long breath and rubbed the back of his head, "Ok, this isn't so easy for me to say, but… Do you want to go out with me?"

The silence was so thick not even diamond cutters could pierce it. It took all of Lucy's efforts to break it, "Whoa… I'm… I'm flattered but I don't know what to say…" she looked down, "You barely even know me, and I also don't have much of an idea of who you are. This feels awkward."

Naruto smiled sheepishly, ruffling his hair, "Yeah, I'm sorry for being this forward. But it's not like I'm asking you out for a date. I'd just like to know you better since our interview was interrupted by that Yami fellow. Not to mention," he let out a warm grin and willed some red to his cheeks, "I did mean what I said about how cute and proud girls woo me."

"But why me?" the girl asked.

The blond man scratched the tip of his nose, "To be honest, it's because you're the newest member of the guild. I have to get to know you better, more now that you got another key," he leaned closer to her with a hand cupped near his mouth for him to playfully whisper with a smile his next words, "and you're far more approachable than anyone else."

Considering Erza hit people that didn't answer her immediately, Natsu was a one-man disaster on legs, Gray was basically a nudist, and Happy fought even less than her, the girl had to give him a point there, "It is a bit sudden but you went through all this trouble for me. I can't say no, can I?" she asked with a small smile.

One broad smile responded her, "I should be thanking you for lending me your time and presence." He grinned like a dork, "To be honest, you and Erza-san are so pretty that going out with either of you should be considered the perfect crime." He bowed with a bashful grin, "Sorry, sorry, I'm making this way more awkward, aren't I? Oh my… I apologize again, I've never been like this when asking a girl to hang out with me."

Lucy couldn't help the heat on her cheeks due partly to her madly beating heart, "If you're this kind and considerate then color me impressed that no girl asked you out." She meant it as a compliment and the truth.

He chuckled, "Please don't patronize me. I knew since I was little that I'm not strong, talented, or good at much…" he sighed tiredly, frowning visibly to carry across his point, "Honestly, I got this job because I'm the only one determined enough to be thorough with it. The fact you now possess four of the twelve golden keys is pretty amazing on its own, far more than a simple office worker."

Lucy looked down, "The ones I had with me at the start were given to me, by my mother." She had to be honest, seeing how he was giving her such praise.

Naruto looked at her with a warm smile, "But if what I heard is right, you got Virgo on your own." He motioned for her to follow him outside, "So for that at least allow me to treat you to Italian food."

Lucy smiled at him, both for the compliment and the idea of eating good food for free.

"May I accompany you?" Erza asked, surprising Lucy but not Naruto.

' _Am I really that interesting to you or do you have something else in your mind, Red Queen?_ ' he rubbed the back of his head nervously, near fidgeting, "Um… I think my wallet may allow it." then he aimed a finger at the three males in the house, "So long as they don't come. I could be able to pay whatever they want, but I'm not risking giving them that freedom."

"Hey, I would understand if you were speaking of Natsu, but why me?!" Gray asked, showing how much joy the idea of being put together with Natsu in anything gave him.

Naruto looked blankly at him, "Look down."

Gray did as told, and Lucy had to cover her eyes at the lack of anything, really. Not a second passed before the queen of Fairy Tail forced the ice mage to put some clothes on in her own way.

With that out of the way, the redhead turned to the blond man who ignored what happened, "I have some questions for you, Naruto. Regarding what you said about those posters, and also a few matters I'd like to clear up." She then sent a warm smile at Lucy, "And it'd give me a chance to know a fellow member of the guild better."

Naruto laughed loudly and cheerfully, "Well, what do you know? I did get away with the perfect crime of getting some nice company." His cheeks flushed and his mouth looped into a dumb but pleased smile.

But inwardly he wanted to say "Hook, line and sinker."

XXXXXX

Lucy sat on a roof, looking from a second floor to the streets, the river separating two sides of her new hometown, the boats riding on the water, and the sun shining on the surface. She felt at ease hidden from the sun's rays by a red and white umbrella while she, Erza and their blond companion read their menus.

"I think I'll have the Spaghetti al Nero di Seppia. I really want to see how good pasta tastes with squid ink." Naruto said and put his menu down with a smile, "You two can order anything you want. It's on me."

Erza put her menu down too, "You have an odd love for noodles."

He nodded, "I really can't eat anything else. It's what I love the most." His eyes landed on her, "What would you want to ask me? To have waited for us to get here, you're killing me with the suspense."

"Out of all of us, you were the only one capable of getting close enough to Yami to touch him."

Erza's words hit hard, but his mask was harder to break, "Yeah… Don't remind me." He sighed miserably, "I only ran at him from behind and jumped to his back while he was busy with you guys."

Erza's eyes widened, "That's it." she put a hand to her chin, "If next time we meet him we can blindside him…"

Naruto nearly snickered, ' _Trust me, that won't work._ ' He let out a nervous breath, "Can we take this a bit less seriously? I mean, I am treating you to get an interview done, but I'd also like you two to lighten up. Yesterday was a bad, long day for all of us. HQ is still on your back after not getting what they… Oh…"

Erza's eyes narrowed at him, "What did they want from us?"

He slumped his shoulders, "Come on, you're not supposed to hear this. But…" he looked around, having already known that the roof would be empty at the time they arrived, "The big wigs still want to teach you guys a lesson. Had yesterday's mission gone the usual way, I don't want to say what could have happened to you if they could put anyone from Fairy Tail in a bad spot."

Lucy breathed deeply and put down her menu, "Could they really go after anyone in the guild?"

Naruto looked up, "Who are you worried about?"

She sighed, "Levy and her team. They're good people, but I don't think they could handle that stress. And they certainly don't deserve any of that."

"Oh, then you don't need to worry." Naruto said truthfully, "Levy-san's too much of a sweetheart to get herself in trouble, trust me, I know. Besides, the amount of damage they cause compared to Natsu's is none."

Lucy smiled, "That's a relief… But it's not like Natsu makes it easy. Compared to him, the damage anyone else could cause is very small."

Naruto groaned, "Don't need to remind me." He frowned, "I still have this sense of sickness when looking at my own signature after going through my first stack of papers from Natsu's adventures. It was only because I managed to clear it on one day that I got this job."

Lucy felt truly sorry for him, "How about we order our food? Like you said, we need to relax."

Erza nodded, "Excellent idea. Now, if only we could get a waiter."

Lucy beamed, "I got a better idea." She pulled out a familiar key.

Soon Naruto was greeted to the sight of Virgo yet again, "How may I serve you, Princess?" the pinkette maid asked with a polite bow.

Naruto raised a brow, "Is that really necessary? I know service is unusually slow today, but…"

Virgo turned to him, "It's my duty to do as my master or mistress pleases. Failing to do so would give them or anyone else the right to punish me accordingly." The way she said that while looking at him unnerved the blond. Not because he would have enjoyed the idea of a willing maid there to serve him, but because the female spirit could very well have turned to him due to recognizing a true sadist, a dominant figure to submit to… Ok, that sounded good no matter how he sliced it.

Lucy smiled, "We can ask her to get our orders, and you can ask her whatever you want." She told the blond.

He pushed up his shades, "Allow me to be blunt and say that is still an odd reason for summoning a spirit… But I really want those noodles."

Erza handed the maid her menu, "I'll have the same as him."

Lucy placed her order, "I'll have the traditional pizza."

And with that, Virgo dove into the ground like a fish in water.

"That hole's going to stay, isn't it?" Naruto asked thin air while his and the girls' eyes were on the spot where Virgo's feet had been seconds ago.

Lucy gulped, "Do you think she can fix it?"

Naruto had his notepad out and his pencil zipped back and forth on some pages, "I think I can handle this…"

Soon Virgo arrived with their orders, set them on the table, and stood by Lucy's side with a neutral expression on her face and her eyes set ever so stoically on the blond before her.

"So this Spirit Realm you guys live at has to be huge." Naruto said with his pencil on his chin and the maid nodding.

"We serve our masters at a determined schedule depending on our needs. Aquarius-sama herself is very picky, thus summoning her can be a hazard for the Princess." The pinkette commented with a deadpan voice Naruto found both unnerving and oddly cute. That and how willing she was to do as told did make him wonder what it'd be like to have a maid. To be fair, his other former persona had a life that could be described as a woman's plaything considering Kaguya somehow planned a lot of the shit that happened on it.

But he needn't focus on those kinds of fantasies, "Sounds, as an old acquaintance of mine would say, troublesome."

Erza turned at him, cleaning her lips from the ink on the black spaghetti she ordered, "So you had a friend?"

Naruto sighed, "I wouldn't call him that. He was a colleague, and like many others he wouldn't give me the time of day." He put his pencil and notepad back in his coat, "That's why I don't like associating myself with people I'll probably never see again. Some memories are, well, troublesome."

Erza stabbed her fork on her noodles, "I would have to agree. But there are memories worth keeping." She looked at the blond, "But are they worth trying to hide your face?"

Naruto flinched as much as needed, "I get you, I get you. Geesh, no need to be so subtle…" he pulled off his shades to reveal blue eyes, "I have trouble looking at people… At times I wonder if it's all fake." He then looked at Virgo and upon putting his shades back on he smiled, "That's kind of the reason I'm so interested in Spirits. They seem to be far different from humans if Virgo-san is any proof of that."

The maid bowed, "You do not need to praise me so much. I just want to fulfill my duties."

The blond frowned, "Huh… That's a bit… depressing, Virgo-san." He knitted his eyebrows further together, "Not that I want to be mean, but I bet cute, young and pleasant ladies like you would have ambitions of their own. Is living for someone else's whims really that important?"

Virgo nodded, "Being useful is what gives me meaning and purpose. That's why I am a maid." Then she turned to Lucy, "However, Princess is… far different than any other master or mistress I ever ended with. If I could be so bold as to admit something, I'd like to say that serving someone like her is… something I can't regret."

Naruto would have laughed, bitterly, but he held it in. To serve someone? To him such a concept was as enjoyable as having his bile burning his throat while it tried to escape his insides.

But this was the scenario that needed Naruto talking, not Yami.

"Then I bet Lucy-san must be a nicer girl than I could imagine." He said with jolliness, "So, what of the other Spirits, Virgo-san? Would you like to say something about them?"

She shook her head, "I must remain professional and not divulge any information that could be used to harm another Spirit Mage or their Spirits. I apologize."

Once she bowed, Naruto had to sigh, "Then I guess I'll have to be really patient in finding the others." He turned to his plate and swallowed a moderate mouthful of noodles, and spoke after swallowing it, "What should I ask you next?"

Erza spoke up, "How about our meeting with Yami?" Naruto looked at her wearily behind his shades, "I think it's about time we tackled the elephant in the room."

Lucy looked down at her plate, "Is that really necessary? We could try to forget what he said and move on."

Erza sighed, "What he said still bothers me. The way he spoke… I have to admit he knows us too well. Those weren't words spoken at random."

Lucy had to nod, "You wouldn't happen to know someone like that, Naruto-san, would you?"

The blond man grew flustered, "Hey, don't rope me in on this! The only one creepy enough for that is my boss!" he kept his mouth opened dumbly, "Uh… I shouldn't have said that…"

Erza stared at him long and hard, "I don't want to be rude considering you're treating us, but," she pulled him to her face by his tie, "I'd like some answers before my patience wears thin."

Fretting like he was visibly doing wouldn't be of help, so he replied swiftly, "Like I say, the boss gives me the creeps. It's always my job to check on Fairy Tail for him, give him reports, and answer his weird questions. I'm just getting paid for it, but I still don't give him all the details. He already has Ultear-san for anything he needs." He sighed, "Good thing she's classy enough to see he's not worth her time."

The queen of the guild let him go, and the new princess took a breath of relief, "Naruto-san, you really care a lot about our guild, don't you?" the blonde asked.

He smiled meekly, "How could I not? Despite how much of a pain that Natsu is, I want to see more about the magic you guys have." He looked down, "That's kind of the issue of being born without magic, you have to watch someone else use it." then he cheered up, "I don't mind, though. Better to see you guys fight than my guts splatter on the ground."

Lucy didn't like the mental image considering all the things she had done on her short stay at Fairy Tail.

The rest of the day went uneventful and their fancy breakfast went undisturbed, with Naruto having to stay behind to explain why there was a hole on the second floor and to pass the bill to his office.

He didn't mind the extra paperwork. Talking with Virgo cleared a few things he had pondered.

He just had to put them to the test.

XXXXXX

Back at his office, Naruto put his raincoat on the perch, pulled his chair to take a seat, and ran his hands down his desk for the secret compartment where he kept a powerful and deadly flute with some demon inside. You know, regular business and paperwork a man respected by society would do behind closed doors.

He frowned and looked down… finding a very, very sensual and shapely pair of legs.

"Looking for something?" the one in front of his desk asked, definitely a woman given her legs, but the voice was sultry.

He sat straight, and like one would expect after years of dealing with backstabbers she had the flute. Oh, and she was also drop dead gorgeous, wore a very revealing outfit, and her cleavage could give Lucy's some competition in the way her breasts wanted to pop out. But he also took in the obvious traits that spoke of bad deals. For one, she had a helmet and dressed like a dominatrix. He was dying to make a joke there about how he hadn't ordered a stripper or that he would have hired her if he were the one to hold the whip in his hand. The sight of the claws on her hands killed any intent to be funny.

Thus, he smiled a pleasant, bubbly expression of a cheerful attendant, "Indeed I am, miss. I'm glad you found it for me. May I have it back?"

The woman raised a brow, and while the mask she wore hid some of her features Naruto could make she was a true stunner, if with oddly pointy ears, "What are you playing at?" she asked.

Naruto clasped his hands, "Ah, how rude of me. I think introductions are in need. Ahem… I am Naruto Uzumaki. It is more than a pleasure to make the acquaintance of such a lovely lady like yourself. Please, have a seat, enjoy the cookies I have on my desk if you feel a bit puckish. I'll take my flute back."

She was about to reply, but watched in disbelief how the blond put the flute she had taken back on his desk without her noticing it.

"How…?" she started.

He smiled, "I believe it's your turn, miss. I'm dying to get to know such a beautiful maiden like yourself." Then he got flustered, "Oh dear, I hope I'm not making you embarrassed by being this forward. It's just… I never had any lady be this direct with me, you know?" Rather than let him have the upper hand, she took a seat, grabbed one of the chocolate chip cookies after a sniff confirmed there was no poison, and stared at the stupid smile of an ignorant man hiding the face of a true demon, "My! I'm feeling lucky today! Not only do I get to take two lovely ladies for breakfast at a nice restaurant, I have a stunning visitor."

She smiled, he was good. But how good?

"Also, will your boss join us?"

Damn it, he was too damn good.

"My direct master isn't with me." She replied, "As for me… I am Kyouka."

Naruto's playful smile didn't fall even if his eyebrows moved closer to each other, "A rather dry introduction, but I like a lady who doesn't give in easily." He knitted his hands together, rested his elbows on his desk, and his chin on his interlaced fingers, "Considering we're not beating each other's shit out, what is your business with someone like me?"

"A man like yourself." She answered honestly.

He snickered, "Kyouka-san, flattered as I am, you shouldn't go for the boring office worker. Be a bit more daring."

She let him have his laugh, "You're close to Siegrain, or Jellal as we know him."

"Can't say I fancy that connection, but you work with what you have."

"And that is why we need you." she said and inched closer to him, "And we both know you are enjoying your act, but we could be serious."

Naruto pulled off his shades, folded them, and put them on the desk with the lenses facing her, "We both hold our cards, miss. Let me see yours first." The red-eyed Uzumaki said.

A smile graced her amused dark lips, "You have an artifact made to create the deaths of countless. I can see that you're not on to play fair."

He smiled like the bumbling persona he used, "Oh, that little thing? Yeah, it wasn't as fun or useful as I thought it was. Then again, I could use it in the future." He leaned closer to her, hands knitted once again, "I prefer to take care of my job in a more personal matter. The usual, I get to know who I'm working with and I deal with my own shit. You?"

"I'm currently scouting a potential ally." She admitted, "That darkness in you is unlike anything I've ever seen or felt. Even my colleagues are interested. However, I can't say if it will be with good intentions."

He smiled more, his grin turning foxy when he closed his eyes, "Kyouka-san, threatening little old me isn't nice of a lady of your caliber."

Cold.

A chill ran down her spine.

For a brief instance, all she could see was the blond before her and a pitch black darkness.

It took her a couple of seconds to realize that what she was seeing wasn't darkness at all, but a dark entity of sorts.

It towered easily over anything she thought possible.

Its entire body was made of a dark red matter that crackled with red veins of an energy that looked foul, almost corrupting.

And that was all she could make before it all ended as quickly as it happened, and she was back to the dumb smile.

She could feel sweat running down her spine, "Interesting…" she breathed out. Naruto had to raise an eyebrow for the way she whispered that sounded not only stunned but rather pleased, "It seems I underestimated you and your skills. However, my offer still stands, and I am looking forward to a… healthy relationship."

Naruto turned to his real persona, Yami, "I'd hope so too, sweetheart. However, Jellal is mine." He said with narrowed eyes, making his point as unbreakable as possible, "I have worked for the condescending clown to get my own plans working. All I'm looking for out of doing this is my own business. However, my main goal is to find and defeat a woman you should be thankful you haven't reminded me of yet."

She nodded, "We could look for her. In return, we would want you to keep an eye on Jellal and inform us of his every move." She pulled back her chair and stood up, "We don't have to pretend we're not hiding anything, but consider this a temporary alliance between my guild and you, Naruto-san."

She extended a claw to him, which he held with a smirk, pulled up, and placed his lips upon its knuckles, "Allow me to say this is the kind of game I've been dying to play, miss. I hope to see you again soon."

Kyouka returned the smirk, and let her other claw run up his cheek to caress one of his birthmarks, "As do I."

And with swaying hips, she was gone.

Naruto sat back on his desk with a smirk.

He forced himself to take a deep breath, put his shades back on, and turned to his side, "Kage-chan, I know you're in there."

Kageyama walked out of the shadow and stood before Naruto. His baffled expression amazed the blond, "Boss, you…"

Naruto sighed, "Don't let a good pair of everything ruin your sight, Kage-chan." The blond started, "She'll be a hard bitch to crack, but I'm going to enjoy this."

Kageyama nodded and put his hand on his boss' shoulder, "Let me just say… I respected you before. But now you have my undivided admiration." He even gave the blond a thumb up.

Naruto chortled before grabbing a piece of paper and handing it to the shadow mage, "Here. You earned it."

Kageyama's eyes widened, "Boss, is this…?"

"Yes, that paper is a copy of your guild's and your already approved freedom." Naruto said with a shrug, "Turns out that a guild getting beaten up by a madman can get some tears. Add to that the lack of evidence about any dark artifacts linked to them and you get a lot to work with for a full pardon."

Kageyama smirked, "I'd like to invite you to a party."

Naruto shook his head, "No, enjoy yourselves. You and your mates earned it. As for me, with my new playmate I can't really let my guard down. I know she's not the one on top."

Kageyama bowed respectfully to his boss and left in his shadow.

Naruto leaned on his chair and hummed, "I have a lot of time in my hands now. What to do, what to do?" he looked at the profile he was building for Lucy and sighed, "I'm sure she can handle herself on her own. There aren't many missions Natsu could be interested in to drag her around, at least any that they would be allowed to take."

He looked at the profile of a blue haired mage girl, Levy. He did find her cute and somewhat fun to play with. Perhaps he needed a change of pacing.

It's not like the guild would get in trouble if he looked after the less destructive members, right?

Right?

XXXXXX

"You fought very dangerous and powerful mages that tried to set free a demon trapped in ice… Why am I not surprised?"

He had to once again remind himself he was playing his meek persona's role.

It seemed that no matter what he did, this guild would always give him trouble.

Well, that was good.

The kind of trouble they stirred in his direction would work wonders in the future.

Takes one to know one.

 **XXXXXX**

 **And that's my rap!**

Fun fact: devil women have a thing for power. Show them enough raw demonic energy to conquer all nine circles of Hell and you can get them aroused. At least I think/say so.

 **That's how things are cracking up. And before you ask, yes, she is confirmed to be a possible pairing, or a harem member.**

 **XXXXXX**

-OMAKE-

Hi, I'm Daisy!

Natsu woke up with a worried frown after a bad night of odd dreams about shadows, TVs eating his hand, and underage girls in bikinis.

" _Hey!_ " said the narrator, " _Guess what?_ "

Natsu hummed curiously.

The narrator replied with a cheerful tone, " _It's time to meet your guild!_ " Natsu visibly perked up, " _You wonder what exciting adventures wait for you at-_ "

"Hey kids, who wants to talk about CONSPIRACIES!" a very upbeat Naruto shouted in the middle of the guild with a hand up, and somehow the sound of children cheering could be heard when he said the last word, "Because don't tell anyone I said this, but Jellal's watching you sleep, all of you. Mostly you, Erza-san. He also has started to draw odd naked portraits of nearly all of you. How about I show you the ones of Erza-"

Erza's teacup nailed the blond on his face, making Natsu worry.

XXXXXX

A blue haired, pigtailed girl – more like a loli designed to be jailbait – smiled at the audience, "I could be a super-hot supermodel if I aged correctly, but now I get to be a kid forever with no breasts…" she sniffed and looked down, slowly hugging her knees to her chest, "It's all I'm good for, right? To be cute instead of sexy…"

The silent Natsu patted her shoulder in pity.

XXXXXX

Natsu stared at Cana smiling brightly with a large barrel of booze in her hands, "Booze is the best!"

Her father arrived, "Cana, I'm home!"

She perked up even more, "Daddy!"

He turned around, "But I have to leave you for a long time yet again. See you in the next decade or something, kiddo."

Cana was in tears, shouting a nearly unintelligible, "Why is my life so horrible?!" and she chugged down the whole barrel in one go.

The silent Natsu felt many drops of sweat building on the back of his head as he watched.

XXXXXX

Yami was in front of the guild with a dark smile on his face, "Hello, kiddies! Welcome to Uncle Yami's Existential Show! The word of the day is… **USELESS!** " he said the last word in a very terrifying voice but kept his smile, "Like this: your very existence in this world of shit and piss is useless! Now come on, kids, let's go all together!"

He, Lucy, Wendy, and Natsu all clasped hands together and skipped on a flower field while singing, "Your very existence in this world of piss and shit is useless."

Yami then turned to Happy, "How about you, Happy? Do you know any other words that start with U?"

The blue cat hummed, "Um… Usardine?"

"Excellent!" Yami cheered.

Gray raised a hand, "Wait, what the fuck is this?"

Yami turned deadly serious, "Ok, enough wasting my time, I'm about to kill you all… and perhaps keep the girls alive as belly-dancers."

 **XXXXXX**

 **If you guess who inspired this crack-shot OMAKE you can get an imaginary cookie.**

 **Swordslinger out!**


	6. Chapter 6

I OWN NOTHING

I feel like I started this fic a bit too rushed, and can you blame me with how Fairy Tail's plot twists have been messing it up? Regardless, I'll try to not let my emotions drive me away from my goal: to have fun.

 **XXXXXX**

For a laugh

Naruto actually felt happy, the two-faced dark being was whistling a merry tune under the use of his more human persona. He was actually having fun, looking forward to many possibilities for the answers he wanted to find. Fairy Tail, Kyouka, Siegrain, all of them were making him smile at what could happen in the future. It was a future he wanted to help craft, obviously into the ruin of one certain rabbit themed over-powered woman, but that was what drove him forward to achieve his main goal of kicking her pale and shapely bottom.

Pedestrians raised an eyebrow at the happy office worker with his hands in his orange raincoat's pockets, his red tie more straightened yet still loosened, and his black suit swiftly dusted. He still modeled as a random fellow with nice aviator glasses, but it was the skip and steps he gave that made him call the attention. He'd give a step forward, drag that foot back, tap its tip on the floor, and dash forward. He was actually dancing from pure, unbridled joy.

He finally found a nice and affordable shop and leaned on the counter, the old man behind it giving him a cheeky grin, "You're in a good mood, aren't you, mate?"

"I could dance all day." He admitted, "I think I'm having just a lot of fun, meeting new people, wondering what they may have in store for me, and what they'd do if I bought one of those nice bottles you have for our next meeting."

The old man chuckled, "Say no more, pal. I got just the thing. You just need to tell me who it is for. New female acquaintances could use this cheap but still sweet wine. A female co-worker will owe you a big one for this fine whisky. An ex will wonder why she broke up with you if you have her sip this champagne. And, last but not least, if it's quick and to the point I do have some good beer."

With his act still in display, the blond scratched his right cheek sheepishly, "I was thinking more of a small and formal party… Hahaha…"

"What a boring fellow you are, then." The man said before handing him a bottle of cheap vodka, "Trust me, you'll want that to liven up this… party…" The way he said that was of a man looking down on another, like a pharaoh staring at a peasant begging him for food.

Naruto blinked, "Uh, what's with the tag?"

"It's the price of the bottle." The man said sternly.

Naruto stepped back, true shock on his face, "Hey, for that price I could buy this entire place! This is pure and simple robbery!"

The shop owner picked his nose, clearly uninterested on keeping his appearance, "Listen, nii-chan, you either pay for the best or you can piss off."

Naruto felt his face tense, "Hey, even I can smell that bottle is real cheap. You can't expect me to pay that much money for a bottle like that while a guild serves far better booze."

"Then piss off." The shop owner said. "This is the place where those who have money can buy the best. If you don't have it, what do I care?"

Briefly wondering why the world he had landed on was full of nuts like the man before him, the office turned around and made a mental never return to such a place. But on the bright side, the old man didn't notice the blond using his quick hands to make a bottle of champagne and one of red wine disappear from sight. Not a single soul noticed the act, and he made sure no silhouette could be seen in his raincoat where he hid the bottles until he was out of sight and able to smile and admire his little thieving spoils. It was a fine bottle indeed, he may have grabbed it out of instinct but the way it looked it had to be the real deal.

Carrying the bottle in his arm, he danced his way to his apartment. The place was nothing spectacular. In fact, he'd wager Lucy's was bigger than his. All he had in a single room was the kitchen on one side, his bed on another, and a bathroom behind a door. The only relatively human touch his home had was a desk with a lamp and some paperwork he took to finish home. Other than the occasional ramen bowl on the sink or his desk, nothing really gave any life to it. It was like staring at a supposedly normal place, something that couldn't stand out on anything but on how normal and average it looked.

He held up the bottle to look at its contents against the rays of the sun. The light showed that the red liquid inside the dark green crystal was worth the money – the original price, not what the shop owner forced others to pay -, and he could almost listen to his guest's words for such a treat. It was the first time he awaited with his breath paused for someone coming to see him. Then again, why wouldn't he? After all, his guest could be very odd and troublesome with whatever needs could arise from having such an individual connected to you, but he couldn't deny that, claws for feet and hands or not, Kyouka was perhaps the most amusing thing to happen to him since Erza and Lucy.

What was more, she actually knew his game and was willing to play it.

"I guess I owe a toast to my boss and Fairy Tail for this." He playfully stated with a cheeky grin. "Without them I couldn't have this much fun."

Oddly enough, just as he rounded a corner into an alley to get home quicker he expected a bottle full of wine to be heavier than what was on his hand, air. His hand had been holding a moderately priced bottled drink and currently held nothing, leaving his fingers to grasp the air. Now, since he wasn't one to be easily fooled he knew what happened and why. What sadly bothered him on how to turn the bastard that tried to steal from him into a crying shell of their former self was the act he had to put up with.

"What did you say about Fairy Tail?" the thief wasn't alone. Many gruff men, mages by the tattoos on their bodies, tried to tower over the slim office worker with little effort.

It was easy to recognize them, for no other guild tried to be such an example definition of the word sociopath than Phantom Lord.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't their little secretary?" another said more than asked as he and his comrades started to surround the blond.

One would expect Naruto to cower and try to avoid a conflict, but even a fake coward had some honor, "Phantom Lord. You guys shouldn't even be here." He sounded convincingly nervous yet serious.

His tie was yanked for him to face one of them, "You sure got some fine taste, pal." He said, holding up the bottle of wine, "We were wondering if someone like you who pays after everything Fairy Tail does wouldn't mind sharing?"

"D-Don't make me laugh!" Now he was shaking, both from perfectly acted fear and true natural determination mixed with anger, "People like you who do as they want just because you got some blessing… You truly sicken me!"

"Why you little shit!" one of them roared, rearing a fist.

Naruto flinched but barked once again, "Hit me and you shall see what happens when you deal with a direct employee of the council." The fist stopped before it could move forward, "Don't think for a second that… that I was stupid enough to let you guys frolic around…"

"How about you call yourself dead meat, punk?" another growled.

Naruto ground his teeth, "Do anything to me, and the council will have to find why. Try to cover any evidence, and the council will see upon inspecting my records many of the things I kept track about you guys…" he gulped, "How you threaten women so they date you, the ways you force your clients to pay for money you don't deserve after you destroy all they have, and your attacks on Fairy Tail from the small ones to the bigger ones… Take me out, and they'll rightfully be after you."

The one holding his tie shoved him back against a wall, making the blond hiss not from pain but anger, and acted pain, "Why don't you make this easier for Juvia?" asked an odd one. This one was a girl with lovely, curly blue hair, and odd clothes for rain, including a fluffy hat. What was perhaps odder was that Naruto was thankful his raincoat's hood fell on his head, because she was followed by a cloud. But, he had to admit, she was just as much of a sight for sore eyes as the ladies of Fairy Tail.

She was handing him the bottle back, and the other men kept their distance, "W-What is it now, lady?"

The woman, Juvia as she introduced herself in the third person, smiled, "Fairy Tail is trouble for you, isn't it? Juvia proposes to help you take care of that problem." She properly handed him the bottle which he took, "You don't need Fairy Tail to reach the top. Phantom Lord has made as much progress as that guild without destroying as much. All you need to do is… give Juvia some juicy, juicy news."

He smiled with a nervous twitch on his lips, "Sorry, lady, but you'll need more than fancy words or a dinner to get me to do such a thing." He stepped back and put a hand on his chest where his heart was, "I have my own goals, and people like you aren't the kind I want to reach them with."

"Don't get so cocky, stickman!" one of the mages cried, wanting to snap the thin man in half like a toothpick.

Naruto slowly took off his shades and stared at the fist coming his way without twitching a muscle, "It is almost ironic." He said while the fist was swatted casually to the side, slamming into another Phantom Lord mage's face, "I can claim how much I despise people like you, yet even I am forced to use your methods… I guess that's what sickens me."

Juvia stared at him with wide eyes, "How…?"

Naruto took a calm stance, his hands behind his back, "Phantom Lord, Fairy Tail, the council…" He had disappeared and stood behind a shocked Juvia, "Anyone can claim to be on the right when doing something." The bluenette gasped when the blond rammed his palm into her stomach with ease with the other still on his back, "I'd like to see someone actually standing for the shit they spew without forcing it on others." As Juvia fell and one of the other mages lunged at him, they were received with a mule kick to the mouth while Naruto kept both hands behind him, "Then again, at times I can't help being a hypocrite when people like you can't understand unless everything ends in violence."

The mages raced at him, letting battle cries of their own while summoning their magic with the intent to kill.

Juvia finally lost consciousness when the blond hooked an arm under her fallen form, catching her before she could hit the ground.

Naruto merely pinched the bridge of his nose with his other hand, "Kage-chan, you're late."

As he said that, a large shadow hand erupted beneath the mages' feet and threw them back. Kageyama sighed, "Sorry boss. I didn't expect you to act so suddenly."

As shadow limbs started to knock back the mages, Naruto took into account Kageyama's words, "True, true… My bad. I dislike talking about these guys. They simply piss me off."

Once all the mages were knocked out, the shadow mage turned to the blond, "What do I do now? You got witnesses."

Naruto smirked, "It's them against my word. I can just twist things to have it all fall on you."

Kageyama raised a brow, "I'm sorry, what?"

"Shadow hero saves office worker from loud mages that don't like innocent looking people." Naruto said as if he were reading an article, "Ok, that sounds stupid, but you get the idea. I just need to make it seem like you saved me and did all the work. You'll have some reputation and respect among those on the council."

Kageyama let out the breath he almost forgot he had been holding, "Geesh, say so from the start. You're a real scary guy, boss. I can almost picture you lowering me into a tank of sharks while you sit on a fancy chair petting some eccentric cat. Just like one of those spy novels people love."

Naruto pictured himself in such a position. A pimped out armchair in which he rested with Lucy and Erza at both sides dressed in nice maid outfits, tending to his needs and feeding him while an equally clad Kyouka would serve him wine. Meanwhile, Kageyama would pull a lever on his command while the blond suited man petted Lucy's head, which would have one of those cat-ear headbands while Erza had a fox-eared one. And in front of him, Natsu, Gray, Elfman, Siegrain, and the resurrected males of the Uchiha clan would be strapped to tables while lasers of death would ascend to vertically dissect them starting from the crotch.

Kageyama stepped back at the sight of his boss' smile, "B-Boss?"

"What?" he finally snapped out of his dream just as Cat-Lucy started to purr, "Oh yeah, I have a date. Well, Kage-chan, have fun. I got work to do."

"What of the girl?" the shadow mage asked referring to the bluenette.

Naruto stared at her and gained a grin, "Let her live. If she wants to come after me again, I'd be delighted to have such a cutie looking for me." He surprised his underling by carrying Juvia bridal style and gently laying her down on a nearby bench after making sure no one saw him, "Keep an eye on her, Kage-chan. Be her shadow. I want details of everything Phantom Lord is planning. Also, don't let anyone take advantage of a sleeping girl."

Kageyama nodded, "As you wish, boss. Say, when should I hand you my report?"

Naruto mused it for a brief moment, "Tomorrow morning works. Anyway, I must go. Do keep yourself away from my home, got it?"

While confused at such an out of the blue order, the shadow mage nodded.

Naruto must have plans.

XXXXXX

And they were the plans you expected, reader.

"Kyouka-chan, it's so nice to see you again. Please, have a seat, enjoy the wine. I'll be right with you."

The demoness was in her usual outfit, and found herself a table set for two, a nice smell of traditional ramen, and the blond out of his raincoat, business coat and red tie. Instead he was dressed with a red apron which read in bold black letters "KISS MY SMILE" over his white shirt. Said shirt's sleeves were rolled to his elbows to show lean yet strong arms. There was also a red wine ready to be uncorked, and the office worker had that cheerful smile of a bumbling idiot on his face.

She didn't like the smile since it made being even with him on diplomatic grounds look like he was playing with her… but what lady could refuse a fine meal with finer wine.

"I'm sorry that I can't cook a decent roasted ham, but I work best with what I know." He said as he stopped chopping beef and poured it into a large pot. A bit of the stew splashed on his hand, and he quickly licked his thumb with a smirk and true mirth on his dark red eyes, "My, it seems it needs those boiled eggs sooner than expected. Uh… I hope you don't mind if I chose the dish. Our first meeting was rushed."

She politely and boldly sat down with a small smile, "I do not mind. It is the first time a man of such power treats me like this… Rather, it is both the first time I see a man with such odd power, and the first time one treats me to such a meal."

Naruto quirked a brow as he quickly peeled the eggs, "Still single? Color me surprised. Me, I can understand. I act like a meek bumbling idiot with some cynical points of view that I actually believe. You… You make it worth any risk."

She trailed a claw on her wineglass, "Do skip the flattery and your act so we can talk business, please."

Naruto chuckled, amused, "I insist, let me treat you. You're actually making me enjoy myself by being a fun random playmate." He swiftly started to cut the eggs into evened slices, "You came as a surprise. Whoever you work for is still a mystery to me. I don't know what secrets you hold while I have to keep mine from you… I am honestly having fun."

Now she had to arch a brow, "Does this conspiracy thrill you? You are an odd man."

"And you're wearing an outfit that would make masochistic men ask for punishment." He said bluntly as he added the finishing touches to his ramen, gleefully taking in her glare, "We can fool each other all we want, but truth is, there is just a thrill in how we have to work to get what we want, when we're far ahead of the others."

He walked to her, uncorked the wine, and filled her wineglass, "You are either very bold, or very blunt."

He grinned wickedly, "One knows what he's doing without regrets, and the other does what he does without thinking twice, right?" she nodded as he sat down in front of her, filling his own glass, "Truth be told, I may as well be a bit of both. We can fight and do all we want, we each have our goals, but when we don't need each other… That is what should worry us."

Kyouka giggled darkly, "What are you implying? That you don't want to backstab me? That you actually want to befriend me, or, to be more realistic, that I should fear you?"

He raised his glass to hers, and she mimicked the move, "Let me put my terms bluntly for this alliance… I want to deal with one woman, Kaguya Ootsutsuki. You may have heard of her, after all I put the effort into making it known that she's a threat." His mood soured, "I'm afraid to say you would also have problems with her. She can shift entire terrains and change dimensions on a whim…"

Kyouka's eyes widened at such information.

He continued, "I want to deal with her myself. She and I got to end our fight sooner or later. And secondly…" he leaned closer to her with a true, honest smile on his face, "I am looking for a friend."

Kyouka didn't hold back, she laughed, "You? Looking for a friend? Fuahahahaha…" she put a claw to her mouth to calm herself, "Is this a jest?"

To her surprise, he was calm, and smiled in an odd melancholic way, "There is a reason I am using Siegrain, or Jellal as we know him." He sipped his wine and put down the glass, "His attempts at playing god do amuse me. How he plans to do so is what amuses me the most. Then, I thought to myself, why not make a good use of everything that little bastard is working on for a goal that won't sate his little ego?" He surprised her with a truly sweet, warm smile, "In my life only one stood by me after everything went to shit… I will have my friend back."

Kyouka was interested, "Who would that friend be? And how are they so important to you? You haven't even heard anything from me."

Naruto got up and walked to the steaming pot of ramen, "Like I said, I will see my friend once again, of that I am certain." He grabbed a couple of bowls and started to fill them, "To me it doesn't matter much what you do unless you keep a few things memorized. First, I'd like your help in finding Kaguya. Second, I don't want you to meddle with my attempts to see my friend. And third, and this is very important… you don't attack Fairy Tail."

Her eyes narrowed, "Why?"

He chuckled and gently placed a bowl in front of her, "So they are trouble to you." he sat down with his bowl in front of him and his chopsticks read in his hands, "We know of that guild. I know that it must have some odd power to be where it is after all the chaos they cause. You, however, may want to use it for your own reasons, or see them as a threat. Whatever the case… I will deal with them."

She sank her chopsticks into her bowl, staring at him as she stirred the hot noodles to cool them down, "You would actually fight them?"

Naruto smiled sweetly, "Have you heard of a fellow by the name of Yami that faced them a while ago?"

His expression said it all, "So you used to work for Kaguya… or it was all a part of your plan to bring her into the light."

He smiled more, "This is why I am enjoying having you around, Kyouka-chan. You're fun." He pulled some noodles into his mouth and ate as silently as possible, before continuing, "I can keep them out of whatever lovely mane of hair you hide under that helmet, so long as you don't bother me in my plans and give me a hand on that one request."

Kyouka smirked, "This is too good to be true… But all right, I think you earned it after giving me such information, and… an admittedly good meal." She had to be honest, he was a good cook.

He grinned, mastering Ichiraku's recipe was not easy, but through memory and many tests getting it right was worth the effort.

"However, for you to call someone a friend sounds like hypocrisy." she smirked playfully at him.

He gave her a chipper smile, "Well, I already admitted to being a hypocrite when it comes to dealing with things I want done. I hate the bonds of friendship after what they brought me, yet there is one I want to hold onto. I believe one should stand for what they believe is right, but I will gladly try to prove them wrong to see how they can hold up such morals." He smirked cruelly, "I am a Shadow, a reflection of the true self of mankind. And humans have lives filled with lies and secrets."

Kyouka smirked and raised her wineglass, "I can attest of that."

He leaned back with a smirk, "My dear friend was the only one to grant me one thing that no one else ever did: purpose." He smiled simply, "Thanks to that friend I was given a life far different to anyone… You can see this as me setting a debt, or perhaps something good humans have. I do not mind. However, like I said, I don't want anyone in my way to achieve this goal."

Kyouka smiled softly, "I do not mind your goal, nor will I mock it given your passion. I have someone I am loyal to, so I will respect your decisions… as long as we can work on equal terms."

The two shared a toast and ate politely, the blond smiling, "Sounds lovely."

The two ended discussing their plans without giving much away.

When the bowls were clean, Kyouka had a faint smile as she left.

He was going to be fun to deal with.

XXXXXX

"Another day, another trip to my favorite guild."

Naruto walked forward with his shades up and a curious stare aimed not at Fairy Tail, but another building. It was the middle of the morning, the skies were barely clouded, and the breeze was nice and worthy of a picnic outside, or to stand by some stairs or under a bridge if one were a pervert waiting for skirts to fly up. He straightened his outfit, and even pulled up his red tie as his feet stepped into the building.

"Huh? Who's the scrawny guy? A client of yours?"

"Nah, I only have girls as my clients, makes it better to date them with a little threat."

Naruto smiled softly, "Ah, Phantom Lord…" he moved forward as the doors closed behind him, keeping his cheerful, innocent smile, "I hope you don't mind if I drop in for a bit. I need to talk to you guys about some serious business from the council. You see, I did some research, and-"

The annoying sound of munching interrupted him, just like the guy eating intended. What made Naruto stop was how annoying he found the deliberately irritating noise. It was the sound of someone chewing metal, loudly crushing it in their teeth before swallowing it like one would a piece of candy. He turned to see the one making the noise, who had stopped chewing loudly when the blond shut up, yet readied another bite should the blond continue speaking. The fellow was towering, very muscular, and had a long mane of spiky black hair. This last trait reminded Naruto of Madara Uchiha… not a happy thing to remember.

Another fellow stepped forward, clad in a purple cloak and with a thin mustache that matched his black reddish hair. On top of his head was a ridiculous purple pointy hat.

The smile he gave the blond reminded him of many maniacs he faced, "Naruto Uzumaki. Are you here to grace us with your presence after proclaiming Fairy Tail is the guild you want to work for?"

Naruto grinned, "I will stand by my word, Jose Porla."

Jose smirked, "Oh, then I hope you heard how a group of our own was attacked before as they passed by you. I hear that guild you like so much had a thing to do with it."

' _Not if my word says otherwise._ ' Naruto mentally corrected him, while keeping his smile as he replied, "Indeedly so. I fear, though, that you must have heard wrong. Your crooks attacked little me. I am here to put an end to you."

Jose couldn't hold himself, he laughed, "You?! You think your paperwork scare us?! Juvia may have fallen, but here are the strongest mages of my guild including Gajeel Redfox and yours truly! Hah! Gajeel didn't even have to lift more than a finger to take care of three of those Fairy Tail brats!"

Naruto narrowed his eyes, "What did you say…?"

Gajeel, the fellow with the long spiky mane, smirked, "It wasn't even fun, but I made due with what I had. I'll admit, the little one with blue hair was fun."

Levy…

Naruto took off his shades, and crushed them in his hands.

The entire Phantom Lord stared at him, confused at such a change in demeanor, "Hey, where's all the cockiness gone to?" Jose started, and then smirked, "Oh, I get it. Afraid you couldn't be there to help her, hear her scream, see her cry? Hahaha… I bet that she actually begged for-"

"I was planning to keep this façade a little bit longer…" Naruto started, opening his eyes to show his crimson orbs to the guild, "Right from the start this was all a new game for me, but there's a few people at Fairy Tail I tolerate."

"O-Oi, isn't that the guy that fought some of Fairy Tail's best?" one of the guild members mumbled as he and his friends stepped back.

Naruto smirked, "I am sorry you had to piss me off so soon before I could think of anything useful you guys could have put into the table… But now game's over."

"Shit, it's that Yami bastard!" one of them cried as ethereal arms of darkness shot from Naruto's back.

Jose stood forward, laughing, "Don't joke around, brat! You only fought three brats from Fairy Tail, our guild is the strongest in the world!"

Yami sneered, "Unluckily for you, this time I'm not holding back."

XXXXXX

Fairy Tail, with a certain blond office worker behind them, stared in shock at the remains of Phantom Lord and their beaten up leader, whose head was under a certain dark man's shoe.

Naruto flinched at the sight of his double, "Oh come on! Stop using my face!"

Yami turned to them with a smirk and got his foot off Jose, only to swiftly slam it back on the man's skull, "Sorry that you lost all the fun of avenging cute Levy-chan. These guys pissed me off too."

A tiny guild master stepped towards him, Makarov, "So you are Yami… or him using Naruto's face."

The dark eyed blond chuckled, "What's with the glare, old fart? It's not like you wouldn't want to do this after what they tried to do to your accountant yesterday, or Levy-chan just now." His grin widened, "But I get you, you wanted to avenge those you hold close. Kind of noble too. Unfortunately for you, I got things I want to see from this guild, so you better keep yourselves alive or else I will have to get to work again."

Lucy stared at him in shock as he lifted Jose by his collar, "Wait, stop! What are you doing?!"

Yami smirked and kicked Phantom Lord's master at the girl's feet, "I did my research just now… Ask him why he was trying to piss you Fairy Tail off."

Natsu hadn't been idle from the start, "Eat this!" he shouted, trying to punch the blond man's face in.

Yami disappeared in a flash of light, leaving Fairy Tail with more questions than answers.

Naruto scoffed, arms crossed, "Well, what a rude fellow."

 **XXXXXX**

 **And that's my rap!**

 **Anyway, I am sure many of you wanted Yami/Naruto to properly pummel Jose in great detail. Well, here's the thing, I actually many of Fairy Tail's arcs to be rather padded. One of you readers even commented in their review that the arc I skipped last chapter was needless. To me the Phantom Lord arc was good for Lucy's development and to introduce Gajeel… and that was it. Jose was kind of forgettable and more of a one-note villain with his motivations to try to bring Fairy Tail down. It worked to make me despise the guy since that was the intended purpose, but I felt bored with him really quickly.**

 **Also, the whole cheating to kick down Makarov and then have Jose torture Erza… Yeah, sorry, if writing this means I can skip that, I have no regrets. And sure, I could change it, but, once again… Jose as a character is someone I'd rather forget.**

 **Sorry for those of you who may have wanted more details, but I really can't stand Jose as a character, at all.**

 **And as a side note, the previous omake was a homage to the Persona 4 parody comic by Hiimdaisy. If you want some good laughs, check it out.**

 **XXXXXX**

-OMAKE-

Cooking with Yami!

The dark eyed blond, in his chef outfit, walked into the stage, a large kitchen set with a large crowd of culinary fans cheering for him.

"Welcome one and all, ladies and gentlemen! The name's Yami, and I shall be your chef for this fine dish!" he went to the fridge and opened it, where Jose was tied and only wearing his underwear. A large red apple muffled his cries while Yami cheered, "Today's main shall be a favorite of mine second only to good miso ramen."

The crowd, consisting of demons and monsters of all sorts, cheered loudly while a couple of succubae stared at the blond man intently.

"But first we need to prepare the pan…" he gained a devilish look while cupping a hand to his mouth, "Assistant!"

Kyouka entered and waved at the audience, and in the many seats a certain demonette known as Sayla was madly waving paper fans with Kyouka's face on them while wearing merchandise of said voluptuous demoness. Said curvaceous woman was busy effortlessly lifting a giant pan to put on a large stove about the size of a car, and started to pour gallons of oil on it.

Naruto smiled at the audience, "She oils, she dices, she slices, and she's always a love to see."

The audience laughed at the joke and watched as the dish was-

"Naruto!"

Said blond jolted up in his seat with some drool on his mouth he had to wipe off, "I wasn't sleeping!" he cried.

Ultear's arched brow said she didn't believe him at all.

That was a grim night for him, forced to do extra paperwork.

He promised that if he ever saw Jose, he'd make him wish he had been deep-fried.

Needless to say, on his side of the world a certain Phantom Lord master shivered as if his days were counted.

 **XXXXXX**

 **Swordslinger out!**


	7. Chapter 7

I OWN NOTHING

I may as well say that Juvia gives me mixed feelings, on one side she's hot and cute, but on the other she's interested on Grey who won't ever recognize her. However, I can try and change that.

 **Important notes** : In here I'll have the Tartaros guild know of Zeref and all the Eitherous know the true plan that their goal is to return to Zeref so they can kill him because, as a friend of mine said, it was bullshit some of them didn't. I mean, come on, every plot twist makes everything meaningless. First Natsu makes a God his bitch on one of the new chapters, and then Erza is beaten by some mook with cheap powers just because he's from a guild that is supposedly super important yet we've never seen or heard of before.

Secondly, I'll reveal Naruto's powers here. Trust me, it's a rather broken power, but in Fairy Tail having broken powers is kind of the norm. If anything, having a broken power is actually meaningless because someone with a far more broken OP power will appear in the next arc.

Beta's Notes: The newest reveal is bad and Mashima should feel bad. Fairy Tail was always DBZ with magic, but this new arc just made it fucking official. Trust me, it's disgusting to see what happened recently. Also the aforementioned mook wasn't even given the dignity of being a major villain, he was rolfstomped to death in half a second because his power rendered the fanservice characters superfluous, more than usual anyway.

 **XXXXXX**

Just fooling

"Geesh, lady, I don't know what to say. I don't think you'd like working for a guy like me, and I'm being sincere... I really don't think you'd enjoy my company or, in other circumstances, want to work for me."

He was being honest. He was being sincere. There were no lies, tricks, or faked expressions. Well, if one ignored the fact that Naruto's face was uncomfortably twisted in a nervous and sheepish manner, it'd be fine. Truth be told he wanted nothing less but to break character and slam a hand to his face.

And yet, here she was, "Juvia is being sincere too, Naruto-sama!" said the bluenette in a lovely secretary outfit: a blue skirt that showed a good portion of her shapely legs, a white blouse with a blue tie in between her generous breasts with the top two buttons popped open, and her cap nowhere in sight. A nice pair of black thighs with blue high heeled shoes finished the look.

He had his mouth opened, unable to say or do anything but let his opened maw be a house for whatever fly wanted to buzz in.

Oh, and he had to use his raincoat in his own office, since the water mage before him brought her rain with her. She bowed suddenly, her breasts bouncing generously and making a large drop of sweat roll down his cheek at how oblivious she seemed. Either that or she knew what she was doing which he wouldn't mind in other situations. Damn, was he sweating because of the heat under his collar?

Her voice was energetic and true, "Juvia will service Naruto-sama in any way he needs!"

"…You do know that there are so many ways a guy can take that exact phrasing, right?" He asked her nervously, for once his persona was the true mask, he wasn't a total sleaze-ball like his boss was, and he was worried that Ultear would walk in suddenly and yell at him for having Juvia get him and everything wet.

"Juvia will do her best no matter what you may ask of her, Naruto-sama! For you are the one that not only stood up to her when she was being mean, but you also helped her." She bowed again, her breasts bouncing once more and making his sweating double.

He adjusted the collar of his suit and mentally begun reciting Ramen recipes in his head to calm himself down, ' _Slice and fry the pork or chicken in a frypan with 1 clove of chopped garlic, soy sauce and sesame oil. Put into a bowl and reserve… Oh you got to be kidding, are all the women in this universe bound to be that big?!'_

Too bad for him Juvia was obliviously unaware of how uncomfortable she made him as she gracefully put on a pair of reading glasses and smiled brightly with them. Instantly he felt his face turn so red it could rival a tomato covered in blood, and he had to forcibly step into a shower of cold rain to stave off the very awkward tightening of his pants.

The glasses fetish was an irresistible proven way to make bosses question the sexual harassment lawsuits that might follow their interest in a female subordinate.

That and her cleavage was hiding nothing when she stood straight and puffed her chest up in pride.

"Do these glasses make Juvia look cute? She was told when she purchased the outfit that they were a must with the uniform." Her question was followed by an innocent tilt of her head and a finger on her lip, his eyes shrunk behind his sunglasses, before he stepped even further into the rain cloud and let its cold rain chill his entire body, throwing off the raincoat for good measure.

"…Yes. Now, please, uh, go and file some paperwork for me. I'll just… I'll just sit here and question my current position." Looking confused, Juvia none the less cheered as she immediately set about doing what he wanted. Thankfully the paper he used was made by a paper mage, specifically created to resist virtually any negative condition it could be in. Ok, anything but Natsu which is kind of why the fire mage got on his nerves at times even before he had the paper proving his immunity near the pink head.

But due to his paper being waterproof he didn't even have an excuse to not letting her work for him, mentally resigning himself to many a long work day with this condition.

Naruto flipped a hand through his wet hair and grumbled to himself, "Man, it'll take hours to dry my clothes off… better invest in water proof clothing. Now where can I get a decent suit and have a sewing wizard enchant it to resist water?"

"Is… Juvia bothering Naruto-sama?"

When did she sneak up on him?! Could he use that for… wait a tick, "No, not at all!" he said nervously with a wave of his hands, "Listen, I never expected an assistant of any kind, all right? I mean, what are you even here for? I thought you wouldn't want to work for me seeing as I deal with Fairy Tail…"

And the whole assaulting him thing too, but he had a few questions on that regard he didn't want to risk making.

"Naruto-sama saved Juvia from that evil Yami man, so she doesn't mind!" she said, her arms coiled around his right limb with an adoring smile.

"I what?" he asked incredulously. His mind was ticking in ways that stopped the gears in his head.

She giggled, "Juvia remembers when that man that's been spreading terror over the news arrived and beat her using Naruto-sama's face. She was very scared, but then the real Naruto-sama appeared and took Juvia in his lean but strong, warm arms to a safe place. She remembers how Naruto-sama held her closely with care in his heart."

' _Just my luck. I kicked her lovely behind so hard she thinks I saved her from myself… Wait…_ ' he chuckled nervously, "I wouldn't say that I saved you… Listen, Juvia-san… I'm not a social guy, I complain a lot about many things in my life, I'm not even sure I can be respected anywhere I go, and I can assure you that I will only bring you trouble. Do you really want that in a guy like me?"

He was being as honest as he could. Should a woman like her with a crush this ridiculous follow him around? It brought back bad memories of how the people he despised the most used others. And while he used Fairy Tail there were limits he wouldn't cross. To have them influenced by his actions was enough, to fully manipulate them into doing things that would hurt them would be like stabbing himself.

Ok, he wouldn't mind seeing the ones that annoyed him in some levels of pain. Watching Natsu slam his face on the ground or suffering from motion sickness brought a jolt of joy to the blond office worker's dark heart. But the girls… actually, the girls were the only ones that could get him to at least give two damns. Mirajane, Lucy, Erza, Cana, and he proved that he tolerated Levy enough to crush an entire guild for her.

He could be a hypocrite as he had stated, but he wasn't as cruel as those he truly loathed.

And to his surprise, Juvia hugged him, her head resting comfortably on his chest, "Juvia wants to… After hearing such care for her, Juvia wants to be with Naruto-sama." He was about to retort, but she continued, "She could feel it for a bit, that Naruto-sama doesn't want her to be hurt. Juvia feels happy."

His palm met his face for a little session to tell him how messed his life had turned, he let the raindrops drip down his body, "Well, I always wanted an extra pair of hands around." He said with a nervous grin, ruffling his slick hair, "I'd like to ask that you don't get involved with me, but I can't turn you down, can I?"

Juvia's smile could blind the sun, "Juvia has never been happier! Thank you, Naruto-sama!"

He sighed tiredly, ' _She's a cute if naïve dumb one. I can't say I fully pity her, but I know I'd kick my own ass if I did something awful to her. She's like Levy in that regard… only far more stacked._ '

XXXXXX

Speaking of the petite bluenette…

Naruto always wondered why Levy was so… small, when compared to everyone else. Low stature, perky but small bust, rounds hips but not much mass on the rear, and even her stats were low when compared to Cana and even Lucy, the newbie that happened to be her friend. In all honesty, he didn't give much of a toss for her two teammates, but if they kept her safe then he'd at least go through the trouble of being nice.

Why was Levy so important? Well, Naruto partially wondered how he could get his hair all feathery like hers, and her magic was very intriguing. It reminded him of all kinds of sealing jutsu he saw, but the way she did it was what intrigued him. Give her something to write with and bam, you get yourself a free out of jail card with the added bonus of the petite girl cheering for you to kick some ass.

And Naruto had to admit that while he found girls as voluptuous as Kyouka to be desirable like any normal man would, he couldn't deny he had a soft spot for smaller girls. It was an added bonus, though, he was in it for her magic and how to use it if it could mean a way for him to get back his old friend. If it ended badly and blowing on his face, he could still get some use out of such skills.

"I'm really sorry for what happened, Levy-san." The meek office worker persona was at work, with a bunch of Get Well balloons on one hand and a basket on the other, "I heard hospital food is rather bland, so I got you and your partners some decent chow. Uh…"

Said partners were already wolfing down the food, making the small girl giggle sheepishly, "S-Sorry about them. We've slept a lot so they were hungry. It's very kind of you to come and see us, Naruto. You needn't do it for us but here you are." She looked down, "After everything that happened, you really shouldn't have."

He patted her head with a heavy sigh, "Oi, oi, oi, Levy-san... Saying depressive stuff like that won't get you to heal any better. Honestly, you could make my life easier saying stuff like… Oh, Naruto-san! You're so wonderful for bringing me these chocolates! They're my favorite! You must surely think I'm a great mage if you do this for me!" he managed to do a good impression without fully copying her voice, "And then I'd go like… Not a problem, Levy-san! You're an awesome mage! You may not battle, but your magic works great against enemy seals! If we found a mean mage that specializes in seals, I know who I shall call first!"

Levy put a hand to her mouth, but it couldn't contain the small burst of laughter she let out, "Th-Thank you, Naruto… I needed that."

He smiled widely, pushing up his shades, "I don't get to fight at all, so I have to make sure you guys don't give up. I may as well try to pull you out of whatever dark place you're in."

She smiled awkwardly, "That is good and all, but… why is it raining?" she had an umbrella up since Naruto asked a nurse to deliver it to her. Her teammates had umbrellas of their own even as they ate, using them to shield the food Naruto got them for at least trying to protect Levy.

Naruto, with his raincoat's hood up, sighed and stepped to the side, "This is Juvia, my new assistant." Said bluenette finally stepped out from behind him, staring intently at the smaller bluenette.

The girl and the two male mages stared at the bustier bluenette in question, before the two men started to choke and Levy aimed a finger at the woman, "Sh-She's-"

Naruto raised a hand to calm her down, "She's working for me." That puzzled Levy, more like blew her mind, thus he continued, "She didn't have much of a place to stay, I need help in my office, my paperwork is at least waterproof since I asked my boss for something to write in that I knew being related to Fairy Tail couldn't ruin, and…" he raised a finger, his train of thought leaving him, "Sorry, I ranted there for a bit. Anyway, she's my new secretary and assistant. She's also promised not to harm anyone from the guild since that is my one rule to her."

The former Phantom Lord mage raised her chest, puffing her breasts to make Levy feel inadequate, which worked, "Juvia works for Naruto-sama, directly under his control yet always at his side. If people say behind every man there is a great woman, Juvia shall make sure that she doesn't stand behind Naruto-sama, but beside him for everything he needs."

Naruto could tell there was venom in his secretary's words, and could see the fire in her eyes. He was surprised that Levy was shooting some heat of her own back through an adorable pouting glare. Either she was ready to prove she shouldn't be looked down upon just because she wasn't as curvaceous as the bluenette at Naruto's side, or she still had bad memories of the female mage's guild.

Whatever the case, Naruto couldn't be happier when the nurse arrived to change the mage team's bandages and asked for the blond and his secretary to leave before pulling the curtains over Levy.

"Take care, Levy-san!" he said over the curtains.

She replied energetically, "You too, Naruto-san!"

He chuckled nervously, "My, I always said there's no need to be so polite with me… You can really get me to blush with such kindness."

He could feel Juvia's heated glare behind her reading glasses aimed at the small girl on the other side of the curtain.

He was one lucky son of a bitch.

XXXXXX

"Juvia doesn't like that girl much. Or the blonde bi… woman."

And cue his karmic backlash for thinking that he was lucky for even a second. Juvia didn't like Levy in the slightest. When he took her to meet Fairy Tail, his responsibility, she didn't like Lucy all that much either. Or really any of the females there save for Bisca who she had been pretty friendly with.

In fact, she was positively hostile to the blonde haired girl, her eyes narrowed in outright jealous rage as she had held onto his arm and asked her sharply, "What is your relationship to Naruto-sama?"

Lucy, bless her heart beneath the thick layers of flesh in her chest, hadn't been too terrified. However, the storm cloud brewing literally over their heads made her a bit wary of Juvia. The bluenette former Phantom Lord mage intimidated the summoner something fierce until Naruto had to step in, foreseeing that this would get out of hand quickly if he didn't.

"Hey now, hey now… it's fine Juvia, right? She's just a friend for right now, so there's no need to really get jealous! R-Really, I mean, not that I wouldn't want a girlfriend at some point, but for right now she and I are just professionally friendly!" His words thankfully stopped the water user who instantly brightened up and eagerly grabbed his arm, but not before flashing Lucy another fierce glare.

"How can you even bring one of our enemies here, Naruto?" Natsu asked with a glare of his own and his arms crossed.

' _Well, I planned on letting her be a part of this guild to stab your throat in your sleep… Ugh, as much as I'd like to say that…_ ' he straightened his tie, "She's no longer on Phantom Lord. In fact, I even got her resignation myself and I was the one to sign everything to make it official. She offered me her services and, you know, I thought I could use a secretary that may also keep me safe from whatever you guys want to do."

"What do you mean?" the pink lad asked.

"You." Naruto said simply, aiming a finger at Natsu, "Every time I get in this guild you're the one most likely to make my life Hell. Do you know how much trouble I would have been in had all of you stomped over Phantom Lord like you first wanted? I didn't need to be here to listen to you yelling how you should bring a war to another guild."

"They started it!" Natsu shouted back.

Naruto put his hands on his hips, using a motherly tone as if he were lecturing a small child, "And if you had stepped back, talked to me or had old Makarov talk to the councilmen then I'd be on my office, eating chocolates after every councilman got a proper file on Phantom Lord's darkest deeds so they were taken out of the system." He then put a hand to his chin, "Scratch that, I'd probably have champagne to celebrate not having to deal with Jose at all."

"What about Yami? He destroyed them, and we heard it was because he heard what they did to Levy?" Erza asked, bringing what Naruto would call a proper question.

The blond rubbed his head through his raincoat's hood, "What can I say? He's unrelated to any guild. He's a wild card, even more than you guys. Of course, he will have to face charges for this, but compared to two guilds starting a war that could destroy a lot of private property I'd say he was the lesser evil."

Her eyes narrowed in thoughtful contemplation, the woman Naruto kindly named the Red Queen inquired again, "Do you have any idea of who he might be or why he is focused on our guild? Why would a wild card fight to avenge Levy?"

Naruto was a very skilled liar, and if he had been anything but then the red headed woman's question would've flustered him, as it was he easily told her a variation of the truth, "This is just what the folks at the council offices think, so don't tell anyone I said this but… They think that he dislikes people who pick on the weak and defenseless. You guys are the 'strongest' guild in all of Fiore, but Levy isn't exactly that strong comparatively. He must've pitied her and gotten angry that someone who wasn't a big player was targeted by punks because she wasn't that strong with her team."

Humming in thought, Erza nodded her head as the logic was sound, she thanked the man graciously, making him rub the back of his head in embarrassment, "Thank you Naruto, I appreciate what you've given me, even if it threatens your job, you truly are a good friend and valuable ally to our guild. You'll always have a place here."

Her smile made him feel like the biggest sleaze ever, even more so than his boss, so he just smiled nervously and said to her, "Really, really, I'm not that much of a good guy, I'm a coward, ya know? That Yami guy scares me a lot, so if you folks can deal with him and that rabbit woman he obeys, then more's the better… Seriously, you shouldn't thank me that much."

She just slammed her forehead against his in a good natured way, telling him even as he reeled back in pain, "When someone thanks you, you accept it! You're our friend, and we appreciate you doing this for us… Right, Natsu!?"

Grabbing the fire breather in a headlock, Erza's scary smile made him frantically nod his head, "Y-Yeah! Thanks Naruto! We really do a-appreciate the help!"

It was a nice scene for Naruto, one that Elfman broke, "That Yami's still nowhere near being called a man, getting into fights that don't concern him! He should have let me avenge Levy and-"

"Naruto-sama!" Juvia shouted, tending to her boss' sore forehead… after blasting Elfman out of her way. Mirajane sighed with a hand to her cheek but let it slide, her brother did need to control himself.

"I'm fine, Juvia… this is just a love tap compared to what this guild can do to me." He said with a grin.

A bad choice of words since the word love made Juvia think of her boss completely defenseless and shirtless. She could see him getting physically lashed by a semi-nude Erza in a kinky dominatrix outfit striking his fit and slim chest with a riding crop. Meanwhile, that yellow haired bimbo would put on a Playboy bunny suit. Lucy would start to whisper dirty things on the office worker's ears as she teased him from behind with her hands massaging every inch of his bruised chest. And the two would have their larger than life's breasts rubbing on said bruised chest and his exposed back, and… and…

"Juvia, Juvia! Stay with me, please!" she was snapped back to reality by Naruto snapping his fingers on her face, "Oh thank heavens. You went to another world for a second there."

She grinned, her face redder than a tomato and her eyes drawn to his near scrawny form, "Sorry… Juvia may not be rap- I mean, ripe for this job, yet."

He gave her a slow look, then nodded at her as he let go of her body, "Right, well I'll rely on you regardless, Juvia. I need an assistant who can keep up with their insanity, and help me cool down as well." Having a feeling that she had been thinking of something perverse, he wisely didn't mention it and instead let her calm down.

The blue haired woman gave him a bright smile as she held his arm, "Juvia shall make you the happiest man on this world!"

Lucy grabbed his shoulder, "Are you sure she was the best option to have as an assistant?" she whispered quietly enough for only him to listen. His face told her enough with the way it was uncomfortably twisting in both embarrassment and appreciation of the large masses rubbing on his arm, though Lucy thought it was only embarrassment.

Seeing the summoner's hand on Naruto, Juvia's eyes narrowed sharply onto Erza and Lucy's bodies before she growled, yes actually growled, at them, "Don't touch Naruto-sama, Juvia will make him her- MMPGH."

Slapping a hand onto her mouth, he noticed her bright blush grow in response and instead removed it with a shake of his head to silence her, "Don't mind Juvia-san, she's, uh, a bit overly grateful towards me for taking care of her." He sighed, ' _Mostly to have Kageyama trail her movements and inform me of Phantom Lord for whenever I had to strike them, but who cares for details?_ '

"Is it true Phantom Lord's been taken care of?" Lucy asked quietly.

He nodded slowly, mentally thanking her for changing topics, "Yes. I personally saw to it that Jose and his mages' deeds were put on full display. I was saving those files for any big slip I could use on them."

Lucy's eyes widened, "If you had such information then why didn't you use it on the first place?" she sounded mad, and he didn't like that.

In his acting, he flinched and stepped back, "I couldn't! Jose's latest client had a lot of connections and money to back them up, so going against him wo-" he bit his lower lip, partly to keep his act and mostly to avoid grinning at how well he was playing this out.

Lucy felt her heart skip a beat, "He… I mean, they'd go that far?"

He nodded his head slowly, "I… Sorry, I should keep my mouth shut when it comes to this, but… It's one of those times in which I can't." he pulled off his shades and pinched the bridge of his nose, using his hand to cover his facial features as he explained the details, "Jose couldn't have his mages just threaten clients and get free. I knew of this and looked into it. How else can mages cause harm without reproach but to have someone forgiving them with a slap on the wrist for crimes ranging from threats to…"

His silence made the guild feel deader than a cemetery.

"Who was it?" Erza asked.

Naruto gulped, "I shouldn't tell you… I'm already risking a lot saying this." He looked around nervously, "Me and my big mouth… I… I have to leave or else I-"

Virgo appeared in front of him, the maid's sudden appearance when cutting his way out made his eyes snap to Lucy, "You're not leaving until answering Princess' next question."

Looking around even more nervously, he gulped slowly before beckoning for them to come closer, "Naruto, who was it?"

"I think… it's your father. He seems intent beyond belief in having you under his thumb again…" He whispered to Lucy, his eyes conveying true nervousness and worry to her, his acting was so good he genuinely felt worried and nervous, but for entirely different reasons.

He was worried that he was coming on too thick, and nervous that someone like Erza would pick up on this. They never failed to disappoint him however, and they bought it hook, line and sinker.

Gasping, the red headed woman looked at Lucy who now had an utterly horrified look on her face, "My… My father? But… why? Fairy Tail is my home, and my mother loved being a mage… Why would he want to make me go back home?!"

Her voiced cracked at the end, tears coming unbidden to her eyes, Naruto looked around even more nervously before he whispered out to her again, "Don't tell anyone I said this, please, please don't… But… He's been desperate, he wants to marry you off to some rich loser, because the Heartfilia Foundation has been suffering some problems. He wants you to be his meal ticket so he doesn't go bankrupt! So that's why he's let Phantom Lord do whatever they want, so he can make sure you come back home! They hurt Levy and Team Shadow Gear under his orders too!"

His words were carefully calculated, and said with the right infliction and emotion to make Lucy unwilling to even consider the idea of going back to her father. Her eyes hardened at what he said, and like he figured, she was now turned against the very idea of obeying her father's will.

"I have to see him." she said softly, but her stern eyes told Naruto everything.

He patted himself on the back, nothing like coming to terms with one's emotions to get a girl to step up to a challenge.

XXXXXX

Naruto threw himself down on his office chair, resting his whole body limply on it. A piece of paper rested on his face while the plumbers left.

"Thank you for your hard work." He told the men.

Juvia had left already, reluctantly but still obeying his orders, so he had his office to himself now. Of course, he knew he'd need something to deal with her rain, thus why he had contracted some professional plumbers to fix his office a cool draining system. He didn't care they were brothers just that they were good, though he'd admit he liked their mustaches and the funny fact the youngest was taller than the oldest.

"Boss." Kageyama's voice made him pull the paper off his face.

"Not now, Kage-chan, unless you have news about Siegrain or how deep Jose's deeds are." He said tiredly.

The shadow mage bowed, "Not at all on either front, but that Lucy girl you talked to earlier has gone to meet her father."

Naruto grinned and put the paper back on his face, "Good. She needs to get a lot out of her chest and give the old coot a piece of her mind, or else she won't be a free woman."

Kageyama tilted his head to the side, "Why do you care so much for her?"

Naruto chuckled, "I was a pain in her shapely ass when we first met, Kage-chan. I need a specific group in Fairy Tail to be strong at least in a mental way. It wouldn't do me any good if they met Kaguya early and couldn't hold a candle to that rabbit bitch."

The shadow user sighed, pulled the paper off his boss' face, and spoke, "You're really sick, you know that, boss?"

"Flattery will get you nowhere, Kage-chan. And it also won't work if you use it, Kyouka-san."

The woman stepped into his office, giving him an amused smile, her arms crossed underneath her breasts, with a sinfully sexy voice she asked, "Do you wish to meet my guild? My Guild Master, Lord Mard Geer was most insistent he meet the one who he can make a deal with."

Kageyama did a short spit-take, "When did you get here?!"

"Manners, Kage-chan. We have a lady in here." Naruto sighed and threw off his glasses, exposing to her his red and black eyes. Raising to his feet, he held out his hand, the demon in front of taking it in her hand with a growing smirk. "I have no choice, and nothing to say no to, so let's just get this done with. I want to read really cheesy detective novels when I get back. A half-boiled private eye by the name of Shotaro recommended a few to me. I dealt with him after the guy got himself involved in one of Fairy Tail's mayhems while looking for a kid's lost cat. Kage-chan, take care of the office while I'm gone please."

The shadow user threw him a two fingered salute and a cheery, "Can do, boss!"

Kyouka tensed a bit before relaxing herself. He was too relaxed, and the way he spoke so casually about things said he was seeing this as another game of his. Good. She wouldn't have it any other way.

In a flash of bright light, the two disappeared, while Kageyama looked around quickly to make sure no one was there. Pulling out a ball-and-cup toy, he instantly begun playing with it, amusing himself for what he hoped was going to take a few hours. He wanted to beat his personal record, which was 1000 consecutive bounces without pause.

Naruto straightened his tie, adjusted his raincoat, and looked where Kyouka had taken him with an amused smirk on his face. His mouth's left corner was lifted a few inches higher than his usual smirk at the sight.

In front of him were gathered the more powerful members of Tartaros, and far ahead of him was their guild master, Mard Geer.

Of course as demons they emanated extremely high power, making him pretend to cringe, but to everyone there he was deliberately exaggerating his fear.

Stepping forward, a blond haired demon who reminded him of a character he saw in a book once, some shark toothed cat thing that was actually pretty cool, gave him an apprising look then a snort at Kyouka, "Is this the guy you told us about? Outside of the eyes, he don't look like shit. I mean hell, I could crush him right… NOW!"

He meant to goad the man in front of him as a taunt, slamming his fist and then stopping his blow right at the last second to intimidate him.

But Naruto simply muttered, almost as if annoyed, "Thinking the world rotates around you, huh."

When Jackal the Eitherous slammed his fist forward, Naruto wasn't there, or anywhere, but right next to Mard Geer and looking down at him. The build master only had his eyes widen briefly at the suddenness of Naruto's appearance, and tensed his body. The Eitherous whirled around in shock, before Naruto was right behind them again, his twisted smirk growing to the point where it threatened to take over his face.

His right index finger was aimed to the feline demon while his left one was pressed on his temple, "Your next words are going to be, how the hell did a human do that?!"

Jackal spat out angrily, "How the hell did a human do that!? WHAT!?" it wasn't until he realized the man read him like a book that he clapped his claws to his mouth in shock.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! OH MAN! You guys fuckin' fell for that like suckers! I'm Naruto Uzumaki, or should I say, THE TRUE Naruto. Pleasure to meet you all, I mean it! Please take care of me!" He bowed like a proper subordinate to a beautiful black haired woman with horns, she carried a book and seemed surprised by his character, Kyouka giving a sharp laugh herself at his antics.

Jackal growled, but his boss raised a hand to stop him before questioning the blond, "It is clear you're not human, yet also not fully a demon."

Naruto smiled widely, a finger up in the air as he took his meek persona out, "That's right! Man, it's troublesome dealing with my own issues already. But you got to do what you got to do with what you got, or something like that, right?" he stared at the group and returned to his true persona, "Just keep your pet on a leash."

Jackal launched himself at the blond, who merely disappeared yet again.

The feline demon widened his eyes when listening to a book's pages flipping and a woman's gasp. The black haired horned demoness stared at Naruto sitting on a coffee table with her book in one hand, his feet on aid table, and the chair he rested his ass comfortably leaning back.

Kyouka raised a claw to her mouth, hiding an amused smirk at his antics, "That's enough, Naruto. I apologize for Jackal's behavior, but I'd appreciate if you could be more polite to us."

Naruto put the book on the table and leaned forward on his chair, staring at the demons before him, "Sorry about that…" he said with a goofy smile and a casual wave of his hand, before putting that hand behind his neck, rubbing a tense spot, "I'd just like to cut to the chase of why you're here. I know it's for little me, but I was hoping Kyouka-san put my terms as easy to understand as needed for all of you."

The demon on the throne rose slowly, clapping his hands with amusement as he had realized what Naruto had done, and it impressed him rather than scared him, "You truly are fascinating, you're such a twisted entity that you learned how to stop time completely. You can manipulate your movements and body at a speed during this Stopped Time that to even an Eitherous, seems to happen in the span of a second."

"Aw shucks, you caught my little trick, well that's the truth of it. I can stop time, and do whatever I want during it. The World Rotates Around Me, and no one else." He chuckled out nastily, handing the book to the woman before he appeared next to Kyouka, his arms held out wide before he slammed his index finger against his head.

Digging into the flesh with a maniacal grin, he pulled his bloody finger out even as the hole closed shut.

"Truth is, I learned this from a trick my father mastered. His ability was to move through space and time to instantly teleport himself wherever he pleased… I just had to fight a woman capable of moving around space and dimensions to figure out how to do this. Pretty easy, right?"

It wasn't. He just had to see how Kaguya moved and started experimenting. Sure enough, the Hiraishin, a technique Minato Namikaze used to appear wherever he wanted instantly, had become a tool for Naruto to break time in the same manner the Rabbit Goddess broke space.

Standing by him, Kyouka chuckled out, "As you can see, he is a man after our own heart and after our own goals… to find Zeref."

"Aw, well I might wanna do that and kill him… what do you think about that?!" He asked nastily, only for Mard Geer to smile widely.

"Then I'd thank you for your help, and allow you to continue to do so. Our goal, has always been to kill Zeref and let our master find his peace."

Naruto merely stared at him flatly, then begun laughing again, his smirk returning as he bowed once more, "Then I humbly request your help in taking care of a certain rabbit bitch when she appears… My Kaguya persona is based on the actual woman, who will no doubt come after me, if only to see me ended for her selfish purposes… Selfish? Nah, she's just a raging bitch who can't handle things going out of her control."

"Of course, you will have our aid when she arrives, she sounds like a threat to our world and plans regardless." Mard Geer inclined his head, signifying he agreed completely to the request.

Kyouka clasped Naruto's shoulder, giving him a wide smirk of her own, "Then I welcome you, Naruto Uzumaki, as our official ally of Tartaros… and our friend. Let us work together to kill Zeref, and fulfill his dream of finally dying. After that… we'll decide what we 'll do next, hm?"

"I'll see you for dinner tonight, then?" His question was answered by her smile, "I expect a fine dinner of rich stuffed boar, I've been in the mood for pork."

 **XXXXXX**

 **And that's my rap!**

 **A huge thanks to The Lord Of Pages for helping me with the Tartaros scene. If you wanna see how good he's at writing, check his fic "** **Life is Cosmic! Honnoji Kita!" if you're into Kamen Rider Fourze and Kill LA Kill. I help him with it, but trust me when I say he comes up with crazy ideas that just work because he puts effort into them.**

 **And yes, that is Naruto's power… I expect road roller jokes soon or hate from people saying this is too overpowering. But, as I stand by my previous argument, Fairy Tail's magic operates on the infallible logic of a complete tosser by being summed up as "It's magic, I ain't got to explain shit" like when Natsu and others got a magic boost by Ultear using time magic because they lost a month of training partying with spirits.**

 **Listen, if you want a good fantasy anime with magic elements and a badass and actually loveable villain protagonist… then what the fuck are you doing here? Watch Overlord, the cool anime in which Skeletor's lost cousin is pimping like mad while dominating the world because he feels like it yet isn't a complete douchebag like many of Fairy Tail's villains. Trust me, Overlord will help you wash off the bad taste that watching Erza being Kyouka's sex slave leaves… it won't help the odd boner from the more pervert-minded, but I don't think anyone will complain about it.**

 **XXXXXX**

-OMAKE-

Nanomachines, girl!

There she was, on top of the ruins of a giant spider robot after ripping off one of its building sized arm-swords, dueling it with one of those blades, and cutting it to pieces at blinding speeds all while using a sword the size of a tower. And who was there to come out of the cockpit but the blond man in the fine business suit with his hair slicked back, his reading glasses gently pushed up to the bridge of his nose, and a cigar. She was clad in her samurai outfit consisting of red hakama pants with flames at the bottom and a bra made of bandages, and nothing else but her hair done in a ponytail.

Senator Naruto Uzumaki smirked at Erza Scarlet, known by her codename of Titania, and pulled out his cigar from his lips to let out a cloud of smoke, "Nice knife!" he told her as he held her sword in his bare hand. Then by gripping the blade tighter he snapped it in half.

"What?!" she shouted before the lean man, now without his expensive business coat, threw a punch at her, an upper-cut. Erza leaned back, moving her chin down so his knuckles didn't touch her, and stepped back with a small grin, rubbing her chin to check out it was intact… before the lean but deceivingly strong senator punched her face down.

She got up with a grumble and threw the half katana she had at him, which he swatted aside as he charged right at her. This time she caught his fist with both hands, "Why won't you die?!" she asked as she punched him in the face, but watched in shock how a red cloak of a foul energy coated his cheek, protecting it from harm like armor.

Naruto smirked and gripped his shirt, ripping it off to show a very toned if scrawny body with hard pecs and a flat stomach, along an odd symbol on his stomach. He chuckled as he extended an arm to the side, "Demonic chakra, girl. It hardens in response to physical trauma." He punched the ground so hard it shook, and cracked the steel spider they stood on, "You can't hurt me, Erza!"

She sneered, "You were always someone to use pretty words, but all talk."

He smirked, surprising her, "You got something right there, Erza." He extended his arms to the sides, "I used my words to influence you, but for a very good reason, one you and Fairy Tail claim to fight for!" he raised his hand up in a fist, "Wanna know why? Because I have a friend!"

She widened her eyes, "What?!"

"I want to fight to get back an old friend, someone that I found to be like me not through pretty words or joining a guild, but by actions!" his words were punctuated by powerful punches Erza barely evaded, "True friendship forged through suffering, not forced smiles! Sharing one's pain, sorrows and anger, not pretending that everything's all right by sticking to a large group! A friend I couldn't trust at first but I learned to call the only one worthy to live along, not excuses to feel strong by proclaiming where one's power lies!"

"Shit!"

He was getting faster and madder, "Fuck this friendship bullshit! Fuck Fairy Tail! Fuck the council! Fuck all shitty magic and Dragon Slayer impersonators! Fuck what is right and wrong! Fuck this system of justice! Fuck everyone's 24/7 spew of forced acceptance and their self-righteous beliefs! Fuck Kaguya! Fuck Zeref! Fuck… all of it!"

With a final punch, Erza was done, "This world is covered in mages that believe they have power because of their magic. It's a rotting world. I have to pull it out by the roots, wipe the slate clean, burn it down!" he shouted with his arms extended at the barely conscious Erza, "And from the ashes of my enemies I shall retrieve my friend from the dark hole Kaguya sent my life to. We will be together, and we can enjoy this world without anyone to look down on us or use their lies to control us! We shall be truly free, dammit!"

Erza gasped, "How did you get elected?"

He grinned and lit his cigar, "Well, I don't write my own speeches…"

Erza groaned, "I was… wrong about you…"

Naruto perked up, "Have I finally gotten through?" he quickly helped her up to her feet, even dusted her pants and shoulders, "I shall make this world learn that friendship isn't an excuse to feel like you're not alone, Erza." He extended his hand to her.

Erza put her hand to her chest, "I was wrong about you. You're not greedy or selfish…" she shook his hand and he grabbed her for a one-armed hug, which she used to be fully honest, "You're bat-shit insane!"

Naruto gasped before Erza jumped up, grabbed his arm in a lock and threw him down, flipping his body in the air.

"What?!" he groaned, standing on all fours before looking back in between his legs at Erza who was getting a nice view of his ass with her fists up.

"Influencing Fairy Tail for a goal we could have helped you with?! Is this a joke?!" she roared.

Naruto got up, "Making the mother of all ramen bowls here, Erza! Can't fret over every overcooked noodle!"

"Not when you're trying to burn this world! What do you know about being a mage?! You didn't go through the bodies of many when you awoke your powers!"

"You'd be afraid of how alike we are! My existence was meant for me to be shunned and ignored in my own village because of something I had no control over since my birth! You survived and strived to keep fighting in this world! It is the same world Jellal wanted to burn by using you!"

She glared, "It seems there's no getting to you."

Naruto chuckled darkly, "I like you, Erza, so I'm giving you another shot…"

 **XXXXXXX**

 **Yes, a blatant Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance parody. More like a massive reference. Hope you guys enjoyed it. Sorry that I cut it there, but I didn't want it to be too long. You could say... it had to be this way... Ok, lame joke is lame, I know.  
**

 **Swordslinger out!**


	8. Chapter 8

I OWN NOTHING

I will show something very obvious in here: I hate Jellal. The whole amnesia bullshit to redeem him was the first ass-pull that should have warned us that Fairy Tail wouldn't take its plot seriously.

 _ **Beta's note: As a forewarning this takes the implication that Seilah/Sayla and Kyouka were sexually involved with each other as canon. The Swordslinger wished to stave off any homophobic comments as this is canon to the manga, it was implied very heavily that the two had slept with each other and did so on a regular basis.**_

 **XXXXXX**

Who's the fool?

"The sun, the waves, the salty breeze, the bikinis…" saying the last word with a smile befitting a certain sage, Naruto walked over the sand in a rather radical change of outfit.

He kept his shades on, had a pair of white swimming trunks that reached below his knees, an orange Hawaiian shirt with yellow suns on it, and walked on sandals. He wanted to look dorky but also to avoid burning his feet on the hot sand and save himself the trouble of having sand between his toes if he were dumb enough to wear shoes like some tourists. So to look as intimidating as a sack of candy, he carried a donut shaped flotation device to pretend he didn't know how to swim. It was even designed to look like a strawberry flavored donut with colored sprinkles on top.

But as he said, part of why one went to the beach were the bikinis. If one was a woman they enjoyed a good tan and the cool breeze with their swimming suits, and if one was male they'd enjoy the sight much more. He was certainly enjoying the sight of Juvia out of her waterproof secretary clothes and in a two piece blue bikini with teal laces, said laces tied on her back and left hip for her top and bottom parts. And if he thought she was big before in her assets, he had to find a new word to describe what he was seeing and what it competed with.

"Juvia's so happy Naruto-sama bought her to the Akane Resort!" even if she brought a cloud over the two of them, he had to chuckle at her enthusiasm.

The beautiful resort they were staying at, was the aptly named Akane Resort. A gorgeous and utterly splendid resort that contained amongst other things, stunning clear waters that sparkled like sapphires, lush palm trees and flora that gave the resort a rich tropical feel, a massive hotel that had a casino, amusement park, and line of shops, and of course absolutely beautiful white sandy beaches.

"Well, I kind of found a good way to tag along." He sheepishly aimed his finger to Natsu, Gray, Erza, Lucy and Happy, with the two female guild members drawing as many stares as Naruto's secretary.

Erza smiled politely, "It's no problem. After all, Loke- I mean, Leo handed us the tickets. To have you here is a welcomed experience for it may help us get to know you better."

Naruto hummed, "I'm still pretty surprised, to think I had a spirit I could've talked to all along hidden under my nose. Am I really getting this sloppy?" he looked depressed to them, but maybe it was the cloud as Juvia clung to his arm to cheer him up. To actually find that out was a surprise, though one he welcomed for it meant Lucy had another key, and thus he now had more spirits to study. That and he wasn't looking forward to any bonding the friendship obsessed guild could try to pull off.

"But he didn't hand enough tickets for you two." Lucy pointed out.

Naruto chuckled, "I am human, Lucy-san. I do need vacations. After hearing you inviting everyone here I used some of my savings to get myself a decent enough room." If one was stupid, brave, or stupidly brave enough to deal with Fairy Tail's accounts then by all means would the council try to pay them accordingly.

Gray pointed to the bluenette, "And she? With your kind of income I thought you wouldn't be able to afford another ticket."

Naruto knitted his eyebrows, sounding childishly offended, "That's mean, Gray-san! I'll have you know I do save some money. And I will also have you know I can be happy on a simple diet of instant noodles, so I save a lot of money. But I kind of have to agree with you there." That and he earned a good amount of cash on his own for being the only guy ready to tackle the nightmare that was Fairy Tail's paperwork. Those Hokage financing lessons back at the academy helped.

Tightly gripping his arm until it disappeared in her bosom, Juvia glared at some women that were giggling at the grown man with the large plastic donut on his shoulder, "Worry not, Naruto-sama. Juvia would never let her most beloved person to be alone, so she paid her part from her savings to be with Naruto-sama! She even made sure to share a room with her boss!"

The mages and accountant blinked, "Wait, what?" Lucy asked with a worried look on her face and her head tilted to the side, feeling cold sweat build on her body.

Juvia smirked in a competitive way at Lucy, the busty blonde feeling weirdly inadequate with the bluenette, "Juvia shall not lose in this battle."

Naruto wanted to say something, but considered the problems of sharing a room with the bluenette… he found none, "I actually wouldn't mind, to be honest." He had to put on his meek persona when noticing Erza looking a tad tenser at his words, "I-I mean… I don't mind the company of a beautiful lady, but once again I have to ask if you really want to get acquainted with little me, Juvia? I am your boss now, too."

"Juvia loves Naruto-sama! She'll do anything and she means anything for his sake!" Her words said with utmost sincerity had his eyes widen behind his glasses, despite his best efforts as she pressed her breasts, her rather gigantic breasts, against his chest. He felt his face burning a bright red and blood starting to flow to both his nose and a part of him he'd rather not have exposed in front of the women.

With a loud and adorable "Kyaa~!" Juvia was shocked when he leaped into the cool water and dove down into the beautiful pure water, he bobbed up once, twice, then stayed floating with his plastic donut.

"You really need to learn the concept of personal space… I-I mean! It'd be bad if people thought badly of you for saying and doing all that stuff to me!" He said with a grumble, then immediately stammered as he held onto his sunglasses.

Erza had blazing fiery eyes that only cooled down when she saw the blond break away from the bluenette, Lucy was still sulking by herself while Juvia looked even more earnest, "Juvia doesn't care what other people think! All she cares for, all she wishes for, all she desires, is what Naruto-sama thinks of her!"

Finally having enough of Juvia's antics, Erza grabbed the bluenette's arm, only for her expression to turn deathly cold, "My body's for Naruto-sama to touch, third-rater woman."

"Third rate?! Who do you think you are talking to?!" The red knight was never one to take insults lying down, even less when it came to her trying to be feminine.

Juvia replied with a cold, "A pure and untainted maiden with a heart full of love for Naruto-sama like Juvia is talking to the third-rated woman who is touching her unsullied body."

"G-Girls please… let's calm down and relax with some parfaits or something…" Naruto saw where this would go and as hot as a catfight typically was, he was dealing with S-rank mages who were extremely powerful on their own right, a catfight here might wreck the resort. He could see the destruction in his mind's eye and while normally he'd revel in such with a maddened grin, the fact that it would be linked to Fairy Tail and he'd have to do clean up duty brought tears instead.

Instantly facing him with a bright blush and smile Juvia nodded eagerly while sneakily tripping Erza up with a salt-water tentacle, clasping her hands as if in prayer she said happily, "Of course Naruto-sama! Juvia would never dream of causing him trouble like a third rate hag might!"

The Crimson Knight slowly rose up, her eyes burning even more fiercely until Naruto thought fast, "C-CAKES! I'll buy you as many as you want Erza-san! So please, don't do what I think you will and destroy the resort! I'll buy you tw-twenty… No… Thirty… NO FORTY! FORTY CAKES! That's as many as four tens and that's wonderful!" He declared loudly, Erza's head snapping to face him with a surprised look on her face.

"Oh…" she said simply, before a small smile crept to her face, "I could enjoy some pie too."

Naruto wanted to cry, ' _Give me a break! My wallet shouldn't suffer because of you guys! I just wanted to finally relax and take care of business!_ '

He had a brief flashback to a meeting with Kyouka before he arrived to the hotel.

XXXXXX

"He's making his move, huh?" Naruto asked as he was bare for Kyouka to see, at least his back was.

She didn't hesitate to enter his bathroom, and found him in the shower to warm himself up and go to get some good sleep. The steam hid his body and thus Kyouka felt like cursing under her breath at having no way of teasing him with this. Not only that, he was perfectly calm while shampooing his hair. She simply took a seat and watched as he finished bathing with his back turned to her. Her eyes lingered far longer than she intended on his buttocks until a cloud of steam blocked the view.

"Jellal's plans to use this tower for Zeref's resurrection is a lost cause. After all, we know our master is alive and still roaming the world looking for the means to end his life."

Naruto smirked nastily while running his fingers on his smooth and wet hair, "And I could be said means. Now, tell me Kyouka-san, what would you do once that is over?"

She smiled, "I'll aid you in your quest to find and defeat this woman you despise so much. We could part our own ways, but I have to admit… you are quite an interesting man trying too hard to be a demon."

Naruto cackled, "That's all you have to say after entering my place without my permission for this rushed in briefing? Not even a compliment or a nice thing to say after catching me butt-naked… I am hurt."

Her eyes closed themselves, "I find you amusing, yet you are hard to trust with the way you take such things as a game."

He finally excited the shower with a towel around his waist, "For someone letting a brat like Jellal to play with her master's tower I feel like there's an ironic joke here."

Laughter filled his room, "Part of me wishes to see him succeed for the moment in which he realizes how everything he did is meaningless. He wants a savior that desires death."

"And you're loyal to a master that desires death." He said and looked at her with a smirk, "All while hiding how pretty you are under that helmet."

Her claws stopped his hand from touching her chin, "Nice try, but I dislike romantic jokes. I prefer to be on the giving end of these games."

He stepped back and waved dismissively, "Alright, play your game by your rules while respecting mine, and we shall both be happy." He walked to his dresser, smirking, "But in all honesty, I still find you thrilling to talk to. Next time, try me and surprise me by showing what you can give in this game, and I'll give you something nice in return."

She put a hand to her mouth to hide her smirk, "So bold… After a damsel asks you for a favor in watching over a dastardly man that could complicate things for others, you'd think she wouldn't reward you properly?" she playfully and as slowly as needed trailed her other claw from his shoulder, down his pectorals, and all the way to below his bellybutton before stopping.

He chortled, "You're good."

"I'm better than good, I'm wondrous." She said breathily into his ear, before pulling away with a smirk as he cursed under his breath.

Putting on a pair of dress pants, then helping himself into his usual outfit, he gave a loud sigh of annoyance when Kyouka stepped away from him, her gaze trailing down his body and drinking it in. For a human, the Etherious had to admit he was amazingly handsome.

"Sayla would kill to have such a view or be jealous that you have my attention. It's hard to tell with her." She chuckled out, making the man grin at her as he put on his shades, "Think I should invite the little book lover to dinner some time with us?"

Kyouka placed her claws upon his shoulder, leaning in and breathing into his ear with desire, "I think that would be an amazing idea… Na-ru-to." She said his name sensually while squishing her very sizable breasts against his back, her body suddenly feeling full of lust at the thought of having her lover and loyal follower and the man she was starting to consider as a more than an equal at her mercy.

Suppressing his urge to sigh, Naruto entertained her some more, "Well, aren't I lucky to have such a tease?" he said as he was about to straighten his tie until Kyouka herself grabbed it and did so for him.

"We do know your boss could link us to FACE…" she said while looking him in the eye, "What have you found so far?"

Leaning forward, he answered, "What would you give me for that?" he asked with a nasty smirk.

Kyouka pulled him down by his tie, her lips inches from his, "Anything… And I mean anything you may desire, be it Heaven or Hell." Her sultry voice made it impossible for his shivers to remain unnoticed, which in turn had her near cackle her next words, "Think on it."

He held her chin with his hand, looking into her eyes, "The power to destroy all magic for such a pretty face is rather selfish of me… Enough to make me feel bad." He said seriously, before his dark smirk returned, "You better remember there's a high price for this, and that I like a certain little rule of this world… finders, keepers."

Her claws slithered up his tie and to his shoulders, "Then I'll have to take much from you."

And like that, she was gone.

Naruto held nothing but air.

"Damn, she's good… and I need another bath."

He got in and tuned the knob for cold water, he needed it.

XXXXXX

Back at the resort, things went as expected. Namely he barely averted crisis by bribing Erza, his wallet was already bleeding out by the time he had bought her forty cakes and twenty pies. And that was terrible for his wallet, but wonderful for Erza.

He mentally thought to himself as he watched the red-head pack away the huge pile of sweets, ' _No wonder her tits are so huge if she packs away all those calories in those two.'_ his inner voice snidely commentated even as he cried outwardly for his wallet's abuse.

"Juvia doesn't like that third rate red headed harlot. She's making Naruto-sama cry." And there chimed in the other half of the equation, Juvia was glaring daggers at Erza as she devoured cake after cake in a manner that would make a pink puffball jealous.

"H-Hey Juvia-chan, can't we just get along with her? I-I mean she is a member of Fairy Tail and it is my job to watch over them…" He said with a weak grin, looking timidly at the water mistress.

Luckily for him, Natsu, Gray and Happy took the trip as a means to have fun and do nothing but enjoy themselves. Sadly for him, Lucy was nearby and was another target for Juvia's ire. While he got to be surrounded by beauties in nice bikinis, he also had to cope with the fact that his secretary wanted to do not very legal things to the two mage girls. Namely involving murder, a quick and shallow grave being dug, and then a manmade lake covering up the bodies. Juvia wasn't entirely opposed to killing and as of the moment had no qualms about getting her hands dirty, especially for potential rivals like those two.

Mentally running through ramen recipes to calm himself down at the unconsciously summoned thought of her and Kyouka doing extremely kinky things with Erza while he got to join in, _'To make chashu pork, preheat oven to one hundred and forty degrees Celsius. Roll pork and secure tightly with kitchen string in three centimeter intervals…'_

"Naruto!"

"Yes?!"

Erza's bellow made him snap to attention when she broke him from his thoughts, his eyes wide as he remembered an extremely terrifying horror story he read a while back. Something about a voice that had to be answered or a terrifyingly obsessive female ghost would rise in fury then hound its victim for eternity like a deranged stalker.

"We're going to the casino! Now!" She decided that for herself after she had polished off the last delicious lemon cake and daintily wiped her lips with a napkin.

Leaving with a sonic boom behind her, Juvia grabbed her boss towards their shared room. Naruto mentally pondered how to deal with the staff after they decided to allow a total stranger to be in his room, either by boiling them alive or roasting them over a fire. Either way, he wanted fire to be a part of the means. The Fairy Tail mages could only stare.

"Let Juvia show you her dress…" she said with a wink as she reached for the knot behind her top.

Naruto blushed into a massive red man, and mentally prepared himself for whatever could happen, damn whatever consequences may be in his plans.

He… He saw as Juvia's two piece bikini morphed into a beautiful blue dress.

Disappointment didn't begin to describe what he felt after being teased by Kyouka. At least Juvia's magical dress seemed to be waterproof like the rest of her clothing, had no sleeves but the top was connected to a collar around her neck. It had a heart-shaped hole to show her cleavage yet was modest enough to just show off the curves, same as the long frilly skirt that allowed her to move her legs. It looked both like a night gown and a dance dress, oddly casual and slightly formal.

He chuckled when seeing her eyes on his form, expectantly, "I'll just… go like this." He said with a halfhearted laugh, "Now I feel real sorry, you prettied yourself up so much for me, and I don't have my suit on me, just some more swimming trunks and shirts like these." He aimed his two index fingers to his clothing after putting his plastic donut near his bed… the only bed in the room, he noticed.

Juvia stared at him, before clutching his arm once again with a smile, "To have Naruto-sama think of her with such concern, Juvia is happy enough with his caring love."

He sighed, but reminded himself there was only one bed.

With that, the two made their way to the casino, in which Erza was showing her figure in a fine dress with Lucy making her company in a game of cards. Natsu was playing a game and losing badly, his shouting making it known. Gray for his part was trying to see what to do while some staff members wondered how to kick him out without making a fuss due to, well, you readers may already know.

"Hello!" he said to the two female mages with his dorky persona on display, "Care if I join? I'm good at these games."

Lucy smiled, "Sure, you could help me, though." The sound of shouting from an angry pinket halted that thought, "Though I can see someone that could use your advice more."

Naruto turned to see Natsu's luck, "Want some help?" he said from across the casino, which he noted was getting emptier.

Natsu grumbled and crossed his arms away from the machine, "Try it, this thing is busted. No! Rigged! Rigged, I say!"

Naruto calmly took the pink lad's seat and stared at a slot machine, smiling, "You just have to time yourself right." He dramatically wiggled his fingers over the lever and pulled it down. "Time itself can flow around you if you know what you're doing. It is the power of… The World."

And thus, time stopped flowing, allowing Naruto to see how the figures rolled. With a smirk that disappeared once time flowed again, Naruto whistled when a red seven appeared on the screen. Time moved to his beat, and soon Natsu's jaw went slacked when Naruto got the jackpot. Lucy and Erza were quickly to the blond man's side with a glare from Juvia that was just about to congratulate her boss.

"Here, sit with us!" Lucy said, rubbing his shoulders energetically, "And share some of that luck with me."

Naruto rubbed the back of his head embarrassingly, "J-Jeez, I just had a stroke of luck..."

Erza smiled, "Let us see how that luck handles mine."

Juvia raised her fists, "You can do it, Naruto-sama! Beat these women at their own game with great grace! Juvia believes in the Naruto-sama that believes in Naruto-sama!"

Naruto saw the card dealer open a new set of cards out of its plastic wrapping and shuffle them, his eyes staring at the man's dexterous fingers carefully as he threw each player a card. ' _Queen of Spades for Erza, Ace of Hearts to Lucy, Nine of Diamonds for me… Huh, this dealer favors women, it seems._ '

After everyone got their own cards, Naruto was quick to see the man pulling a card from the bottom of the deck aimed at him.

"Gah!" the dealer cried, clutching a cut on his finger, "Dammit… Sorry, dear costumers, it seems I just… got sloppy…" he said with a smile mostly aimed to the girls.

"It's fine, I can take over." Said a new dark skinned dealer.

Naruto stared at the newcomer, noting he hadn't seen him around until just this very moment, how the casino had gotten really empty, and that his response was too quick after Naruto cut the first dealer's finger. Said man looked at Erza and Lucy longingly before glaring at Naruto, allowing the blond to see why he was getting bad cards. With a mental note to deal with the womanizer wannabe later, Naruto turned his full attention to the newcomer as he started shuffling the cards.

Naruto calmly grabbed a lollipop out of his shirt, unwrapped it casually and put it in his mouth, "Juvia-san, could you do me a favor?" the dealer and the woman stopped, "Could you get that man's deck?"

The dealer didn't even have time to react before Juvia handed his cards to the blond, "Anything else, Naruto-sama?"

Naruto hummed, "Don't show me the cards, and throw them as I say what cards he was going to deal." He intertwined his hands below his chin, staring at the table, "First one, for Erza-san, it isn't even a normal poker card." As he said that, Juvia threw a card with the letter D on it, "Lucy was going to get the Ace of Diamonds." That card appeared next, "And I would have gotten the Joker."

And when that card showed, everyone stared at the dealer who started to sweat, "What are you?"

Naruto crossed his arms with a small smirk, "I'm a very good poker player."

Juvia's eyes started to shine, "Naruto-sama, you're so cool! No, you've always had an odd aura of greatness around you, but now you're even greater in Juvia's eyes!"

Lucy could only gape, "She… She's right. How did you know? No, wait…" she pointed a finger at the dealer, "You were going to cheat!"

"No way! I swear, I wasn't! Seriously Erza-nee, you need to believe me I wasn't!" The dark skinned man anxiously rubbed his blond hair briefly before he apologized, instantly the red headed woman became on edge, the atmosphere changing as Naruto laughed nervously.

"H-Hey know, he just…called you by your first name and called you sister…" Naruto's eyes widened behind his shades as he looked even more nervous, wringing his hands he backed away as the man in front of them gained a deranged smile.

"Aw man, the jig is up, huh Erza-nee? And I really wanted to play with you a little longer… shoot. Well, maybe we can play some more games when we go to meet Jellal, huh?" Erza turned pale at what he said before he got up with a loud, "Hup!" Reaching out for the pale faced woman, everyone at the table was surprised when Naruto thought fast and splashed a glass of liquor into the man's eyes.

"Hands off!" Crying loudly while the fake dealer was busy coughing and painfully rubbing his eyes out, the office worked was fast in thinking and rammed his shoulder on his chest, tackling him down over a bunch of chairs. Shooting up Naruto yelled at Natsu and Gray with a fearful expression, "They want Erza-san, you two! We need to get her out of here! She's not really in the best mindset to fight them off!"

His panicked tone and Erza's blank stare galvanized the two to grab her and help haul her out of the casino. Naruto watched a block headed man with a very weird body try shooting at them, only to get a huge bunch of chips thrown at his face from the once again quick thinking man, making them plonk off of him painfully.

Lucy hesitated at leaving Naruto behind with an unknown group of assailants, armed with nothing but a box of plastic chips, and then he exclaimed in fear, "It's Erza-san they want, Lucy-san! I'll try to hold them off, so please protect her!"

She stopped for a split second even as more figures arrived and yelled out to him, "Naruto, I won't leave a friend behind! Please don't think you'll die!"

He should have expected nothing less but ridiculous loyalty when it came to Fairy Tail. He wanted the guild gone so he could get rid of the mages, though he'd have to deal with Juvia too he saw not much problem. But with too many eyes he was having second doubts. And his doubts grew when a large man with a metal piece over his chin appeared and cut Natsu and Gray's path, instantly shoving them back while making sure Erza landed softly on top of them, unharmed.

The sound of a gun readying a bullet alerted Naruto that the dandy gunner had his gun aimed to his skull, "You shot well, now you die." The block man said, killing something in Naruto's brain at how hard he tried to be like a hardboiled cop.

"Wait!" Naruto shouted, hands up while Juvia, who had been about to drown the fake dealer, stopped when her boss had a gun on his temple, "Doesn't a man has the right to his final words? A last wish? Anything he wants to get out of his chest before the trigger is pulled? If you were to kill me now… it'd be very unmanly… ungentlemanly even."

He was bullshitting like he had never bullshitted before, so imagine his surprise when the gunner pulled back his pistol, "I like the way you think, partner. Go on, have your final words, and then know you died… because you were born."

His cynical side had to comment something, ' _I may as well die trying to figure out what you said._ ' He stepped forward with his hands still up, "Ok, I will, but… I got to panic first." He said nervously, aiming a finger at the dandy, "If I have to die like a man, I got to do this first to face my death."

"This is no time for theatrics, Wally." The dealer said. "You can give us Erza-nee or d-"

"Then… kill me!" Naruto said with a shaky voice, looking as determined but intimidated as the day Juvia met him, "I know what I'm risking here… I thought I caught a cheater, but you're far worse than a cheater… Those that do things for their own gain are trash… but those like you who use friends for their goals are worse than trash!"

The block man, Wally, grinned, "He sure is gutsy, but he doesn't have time either, so let us hear what he has to say."

Naruto grinned, "Thanks… As I was saying, I have to panic first, I got to get all my panicking out of my system." He immediately grabbed his head, "I'm gonna die!"

"Good start." Wally said.

Naruto paused, deep in thought, "No, wait, I got to do this justice…" he went back to grabbing his head and then went to flail his arms around, "I'm gonna die! Ooohhh! Oohhh! My office and beautiful assistant! Everyone I knew and loved will know I'm dead! Aaahhhh! I'm gonna rot in here forever! Where's Ultear-san?! Aaaahhhh!"

There was a pause as the intruders looked at him, "Is that it?"

Naruto paused and breathed, "Ok, now that I got all of that out of my system, I should be fine to- Aaahhh!" he went back to panicking, "Oh God! Everything is horrible! I'm gonna di-" after that pause he took a deep breath and nodded to himself with a calm smile, "Ok, I think I'm good. I think I got it all out. Now I can calmly and rationally try to approach this…" not a second later, "Aaa-" and he paused, smiling once again, "No, I'm good. I'm good. I'm all set."

Wally aimed carefully, "Words of a man, there's no shame in such-"

"Now!" Naruto shouted as he kept on his meek act, stretching it as much as possible, and threw the box of chips at the gunner.

Responding out of instinct more than anything, Wally shot the box and watched the plastic pieces shatter while Naruto rolled behind a table. He was about to give chase when he watched his partner, the fake dealer, flying backwards and landing hard on a slot machine. Turning his block-like neck around, Wally found a very, very pissed off Juvia who now just had her chance to unleash her fury with the object of her affections out of harm's way.

The dealer rose to his feet, pissed off. He found Naruto crawling under a table, "All that cocky act was just for a cheap shot?"

He kicked the table, flipping it over, and found the blond gone. He received a reminder to never, ever underestimate the whiskered office worker when the man in question slammed a roulette on the back of his head. The fake dealer turned around and threw his cards at the blond. Naruto quickly brought up the roulette, watching it get cut cleanly in half as he let her go, allowing his body to fall limply on the floor over a tray of drinks from the real crew that they had taken out.

"Sho!" the large man from before said, carrying Erza over his shoulder, "We got her, and the other two aren't much problem. We have to get out before-"

He stopped upon seeing a red liquid spread on the floor around the blond man, making him and Sho go silent, "It pains me to kill someone Erza seemed fond of, but it's what she gets." Sho said and walked to his friend… and instantly stopped.

The larger man widened his eyes when his much smaller friend bit his lip, his eyes rolled to the back of his head, and he doubled over with his hands on his crotch. Meanwhile, Naruto looked up at the towering kidnapper, with an opened bottle of tomato juice up where Sho's genitalia had been seconds ago. It took the giant, Simon, too long to realize what had happened before the office worker repeated the process.

As Simon fell doubled over in pain, Naruto was quick to grab Erza who had been put to sleep, "Good, she's alive."

He looked around for any sign of danger or fighting from Juvia or Lucy, knowing Natsu and Gray were too idiotic to recognize defeat. His secretary was strong, but even if she were an S-ranked mage he wouldn't doubt that perhaps Gray was stronger than her, loath as he was to admit it. And if the constantly near nude mage had been taken out by these guys, he worried if the bluenette was doing fine. He worried even more for Lucy who hadn't much combat experience even if she now had Leo on her side.

He scooped Erza in his arms and made his retreat, all the while plotting Jellal's imminent and painful encounter with the real Naruto Uzumaki.

And his train of thought stopped moving as soon as his feet did, tied together by a magical tube. He fell but made sure to turn himself around so Erza landed on top of him and his back took the impact.

Great, just great, he was actually getting sloppy. He'd kick his own ass later when he found out what loser did this to him and he would slowly… "Erza-chan is so cute when she's sleeping!" …slowly wonder why every female he had met but Levy were voluptuous.

It was a brunette with two tufts of hair on top of her head resembling cat ears, short hair, and red marks on her cheeks that made him think of a more feline oriented Inuzuka. He could only question if her eyes were the result of magic or something, because those were the eyes of a cat. She even gave him a kitty grin as more tubes started to stretch around his body and Erza's, tying them together.

However, even if it was a defeat, Naruto had to hold back a grin, ' _I did plan to look for Jellal, I guess this works._ ' After all, what worked better to meet Jellal than making sure he was with Erza all the way?

But, as it came with most plans, nothing came exactly as planned when the girl stared at him, and then grinned, "Your cheeks, your whiskers… are you… a cat?" her eyes turned into freaking pink hearts!

Now was the time he questioned his luck.

He liked to play this as a game and see how things went, but right now he didn't know if he had lost or won this round.

 **XXXXXX**

 **And that's my rap!**

 **Huge thanks to The Lord Of Pages for his help.**

 **On to this fic, a simple plan of having fun before sneakily carrying out a hidden agenda turns into an improvised plan to see Jellal.**

 **If you have questions, here are some answers: Naruto's determined to hide his identity for as long as he needs to in case whatever plans he has don't work. Yes, I skipped the Leo chapter since it'd have been me replaying the canon stuff. Naruto getting caught by a certain kitty girl is partly his bad luck and mostly his improvising because, like it's said before, what better way to see Jellal than latching on to Erza?**

 **And I know you don't see much action from Natsu and Gray, but it's mainly because they are rather one note when it comes to their antics. Sorry, but to me Gray's main antic of stripping lost any comedic value after repeating it so many times, and Natsu acts like Monkey D. Luffy and canon Naruto but the issue I have with that is that Luffy and Naruto have more of a goal to achieve.**

 **Luffy wants to be the pirate king because of a promise made to a man he respected and does so gathering a crew of friends he gets out of ordeals, not because of joining a group. Canon Naruto wants to be Hokage to be respected and you can see him put effort into reaching for those around him, even if it's stretched too much with Sasuke.**

 **Natsu on the other hand just wants to be in his guild and look for his father… who he already met in a rather ridiculous plot twist. I mean, he already achieved his main goal and then goes back to be himself. There were no big changes to his character, he still crashes at Lucy's place while she has every right to kick him out, and never really had much of a reason to fight but his guild.**

 **So, yes, sorry but I don't think I can put much depth to either character or most of the Fairy Tail cast. Give the girls of Fairy Tail this, they each have their drama we can relate to. Cana has issues with a father than always leaves her behind, Levy tries to be up to her guild's standards but knows she needs help, Lucy dealt with her father passing away while she was in a time bubble, and Erza is basically the plot's punching bag to do the "strong female character has to deal with shit" trope.**

Beta's Notes **:** **The lack of any significant change damns Fairy Tail. The time skip lead to a Zeref cult that amounted to all of jack and shit, and Jack left town. And as of now we're dealing with the Army of the DBZ Wizards because that's how far we've sunk on the collective story telling ladder. Best way to make your bad guys de jour threatening according to Hiro Mashima? Why none other than the patented Toriyama method. Make other characters say how powerful they really are and how they're unlike any threat ever seen before. Come the fuck on.**

 **XXXXXX**

-OMAKE-

Breaking The World!

"Oh dear, it seems you've met a terrible fate... having to face me."

Shagotte, queen of the Exceeds and exceptional symbol of power and hope among her people, had the power to see the future if only odd glimpses. Not once would she have ever expected her people to accept a human man after the lies she set for them for their sake, which she regretted. Her followers had been blinded by pride and thought too highly of themselves to the point they endangered their existence at the hands of humans.

And yet, one single human willingly stood by her side, vowed to protect her, showed her concern for her well-being and a shoulder to cry on when needed, and accepted everything from her, even her flaws. But he also showed her power beyond measure used for the right reasons. It was a true man, one who would tell her of her flaws yet accept her and help her fix her mistakes if little by little.

It had been such a case when some unruly mercenaries tried to attack her castle and they met her butler. His hair was golden and pulled back into a short, spiky ponytail. The face the soldiers of fortune stared at was lean and mature, with three odd marks on each cheek resembling whiskers on his natural tanned skin. His blue cerulean eyes usually remained hidden behind seemingly permanently shut eyelids, with his right eye hiding behind a monocle. He was of average height and very thin, near scrawny, but had a decent bulk to make him more than a force to reckon.

If she were being honest, she'd say he dressed quite well, but she had an image to maintain so she'd save her compliments for later. He would be seen in an orange long-sleeved dress shirt accompanied with a white double-breasted vest with golden buttons and a yellow tie underneath said vest. His outfit was finished with comfortable and flexible black dress pants, modest brown and well-polished shoes, and black leather gloves he was currently adjusting in his hands, before pushing his monocle slightly up.

His face, however, was cold and void of emotion. It was like staring at the face of a kitsune statue, unmoving and seemingly dead, yet with cunning hidden behind his face.

"In case you don't know who I am, the name's Naruto Uzumaki Namikaze. I am Queen Shagotte's butler. I answer the door, clean the palace, take out the trash, cook her every meal, prepare her bath and bed, and I also take care of entitled little wastes of space like you." He said in a monotone, not even wasting a second as he approached the men casually with every move calculated, "I'd also hate to dirty this place with your blood, but if you take just one step forward towards the queen... You will be dead in that same second."

Taking his words as an insult the men rushed at him... and soon he was gone from their sight.

Shagotte averted her eyes when all of them fell to the floor with sharp kunais impaled in their vital areas. Naruto simply took out a pocket watch from his vest and hummed mildly bothered, "It seems I should get the tea done now."

As she sat in her throne, Shagotte sighed as her butler, bodyguard and, unknown to anyone, only true friend stood by her side pouring her cup full of a hot special blend he made. She could only stare at the boiling liquid and wonder how such a cold man could be so caring to put that much effort into improving his every cup of tea. He even made the crackers himself without wasting a single particle from the ingredients.

"Why do you serve me, Naruto?" she asked softly.

He gave her a small ghost of a smile, "Why did you save me when I had no one to help me, my queen?"

She closed her eyes, "One with your power is a terrifying entity, and you side with me after all my lies."

His features softened, though it'd take a real closer look to realize it, "I saw a woman that sent her child and many others away to keep them safe. I need no reason to help such a person."

She let a smile grace her face, "I am not a human, you know."

"For starters, you have a human form of your own, and at this time I would rather work for someone I can sympathize with than wander around in this world. I care not what you are, my queen."

She nodded, "What of the king? How's he doing?"

Naruto's already narrowed eyes took a sharper form, "The king is still a buffoon. Why you haven't allowed me to kill him is a mystery at this point, but I shall respect your decisions for as long as it's needed."

She hummed as she grabbed her now full cup, "You'd disobey my orders and take a life… My life is not worth it."

"I beg to differ." He said and stood up, listening to more soldiers coming, "It seems the king is getting more absentminded in his old age, or it could be his desperate attempts at gaining powers. If you'll excuse me…" three kunais popped in between each hand's fingers, "I shall answer the door."

And in a blink he was gone, and already at the door to meet the unruly guests.

He greeted them with his kunais ready, and a good thousand floating over them, "Let us dance… to the end of this life!"

 **XXXXXX**

 **Yami gets to be Dio Brando, so as to have someone equal to him I decided to make a Sakuya Izayoi (From Touhou) of sorts. In comes Shagotte's odd butler, another Naruto that is Yami's opposite as it should be. Where Yami is heated chaos, this Naruto is cold righteousness. And if you want to know what a human Shagotte looks like, picture what you'd get fusing Morrigan Aensland and Felicia from Darkstalkers.**

 **Swordslinger out!**


	9. Chapter 9

I OWN NOTHING

I did say I obviously hated Jellal in the previous chapter, so let me show you how mature I can be about that in this one. Then again, considering what I do here you may be taking that with too much salt.

 **XXXXXX**

Who's the fool?

"I demand freedom! I demand sense! I demand that I at least get a chocolate from this! Seriously, I was in a five star hotel! I wanted to see if what they said about the staff putting chocolates in pillows was true!"

"Here!"

Naruto opened his mouth, relaxing on the lap of the adorable and voluptuous cat girl that had captured him and Erza. Well, it was a slip-off on his part. He had grown confident, but he could still improvise. And so far, he didn't mind his head resting on the brunette's supple thighs with a full view of her growing bust above his face. Oh, she was also feeding him chocolates shaped like cat heads, and they tasted great.

A man could get used to that, if only they didn't know their boss was plotting to kill a gorgeous redhead. Many spineless office workers would look away for a better pay, but the blond embodiment of darkness that prided himself on fucking heads had standards. First, he never sought to harm those that don't deserve it like Levy and her team; secondly, he would steal from thieves to teach them some karma, and third, he would make sure the Fairy Tail idiots lived. The latter if only because he knew they were idiots, but still well-meaning idiots. Even if they were idiots he wanted to crush at times.

The girl, Millianna was her name, petted his hair and tried to work two tufts into the shape of cat ears. Sadly, he was now Erza-less. The redhead had been taken somewhere while he was forced to be the cat girl's prisoner. And that block shaped gunner from before was staring at it all with an arched eyebrow. The polygon man's gun didn't unnerve him, but he had to act the part.

"Tell me, partner." Wally started, "How did you see my partner's card trick? I've been meaning to settle a score with him."

Naruto chuckled, "Well… I'm good at reading some people. It's like a natural talent." And being the embodiment of someone's darkest emotions and thoughts given flesh, "That and someone I grew with loved to flirt with women and always tried his luck to get money. I was just lucky but soon I learned how to play those games. I can teach you, just untie me."

Millianna pouted, adorning his head with a cat-eared tiara, thus making his pride die, "But you're so cute, cuddly and pettable like this. No, you shouldn't leave my room."

Oh yes, he was also trapped in a room where all things save the gunner was practically a cat or cat themed. How could he forget that? Oh wait, he wanted to. The problem was that he was keeping his sexy captor happy. And breaking a girl's heart was one of those lines Naruto didn't want to break. Ok, sure, he could go and mess with a girl's head to make her question her existence and purpose in life, but he couldn't bring himself to making a little girl like the kitty truly unhappy.

It seemed like the best option was to use his "natural charm" on her, "Could we be left alone?" he asked her meekly, "Your friend's starting to… uh… creep me out with that gun of his."

Half a second later and the gun man was kicked out, and Millianna was back to petting the blond, whose smile turned wicked now that it was hidden under her bosom, in which his face rested. She was so busy petting him to notice. Had she a tail, he could picture it wagging while her hands worked on grooming his unkempt hair. Too bad he had to get out.

With not much effort, his right arm tore through her biddings, shocking Millianna into a stunned state the likes of a cat hit by cold water. He knew she'd react just as quickly as one, and brought his hand over her mouth. He made her rest on her back on a large cat cushion. Her slit eyes stared right into his now dark ones, the red orbs in the pools of black told her she was in trouble.

And yet, when he spoke he used a smooth voice. He didn't want to frighten her, she was still a kitten in his eyes.

"It's ok, you don't have to fight, little lady." He tried to make his voice deep, melodious, and he even put on a calm, warm smile, "I can see what you are doing here. You try to turn the place that gave you pain into something more to your liking. Noble in itself, but it's just a mask over what truly transpired in this tower to run from your past, little lady."

"Mmph!" she cried, trying to call her friend.

He inched closer, whispering, "It's all right. I won't harm you. After all, you are a friend of Erza's, aren't you?" he leaned back, smiling sweetly, "I'll make a wager with you, little lady. If you can run away from me, get out that door, and get your friend to help you, I will allow you to put me in a cat suit."

He let go of Millianna, who instantly dashed away from him. She stared at the man seated in one of her chairs, his right foot resting on his left knee, and smiled warmly at her with one of her books in hand. In every other situation, she would have put a fight, especially when everything was so close to working. In this situation, her every instinct told her to get out, that the man she was seeing was no longer the cute and meek office worker from before, but a monster.

She turned on her heels, grabbed the handle to her door, and was about to cry for help. The instant she opened her mouth, its jaw went limp when finding herself seated in a chair, with a coffee table between her and the blond. He rested the elbow of the arm holding her book on top of the table, looking mildly interested at the scrapbook of cute kitten pictures. Even a dark madman had time to appreciate cute things.

Millianna glared, her hands slamming on the table, "What game are you playing at?!" the fact she trembled took out any intimidating factor she could have hoped to use.

"I always wondered what it'd be like to have a pet." He said casually like she asked nothing, "I know it's too much responsibility and I have to move around, but it is a nice thought."

She froze, ' _This game of his… I-I have to get out, now!_ '

She jumped off the table and cupped her hands to her mouth, attempting to call her blockheaded friend. She found a cat cookie in her lips, and her rump back on the chair, "Oh you're just a treat."

Sweating slightly, she turned to the blond and tried to figure out how he was doing this. Despite her airheaded personality, Millianna tried to puzzle out the exact way he kept on sending her back to the chair.

' _He… he isn't moving, so I know it's not a normal kind of magic… He does it and I don't even see it… So, ho-'_ Her eyes shot to a clock in the shape of a kitty, her eyes widening when she saw that not even a minute had passed between each attempt at escape. "You… you-" She started in growing horror.

Naruto clapped loudly and then pointed his right index finger to his head mockingly while aiming his left one at her, "The next thing you're going to say is: You bastard! You can stop time?!"

"You bastard! You can stop time!? What?!" Gasping in horror when she saw him cackle, Millianna knew then and there something was beyond wrong.

He leaned towards her, "Let me ask you something, little lady. Why do you want to kill Erza? Was it because she hurt you? Or was it because… you want to think she hurt you?"

She glared, "She hurt me, she hurt everyone! She took away our hopes and dreams! She… She became our enemy to-"

"Is that what you want to believe?" he asked, keeping his nasty smirk, finding almost as much amusement in this as when he messed with Kaguya, but for far different reasons, "How would you describe the Erza you knew, the Erza you grew up with, the Erza who was your friend, and the Erza that your boss claims to be different from the one you met?"

"I- Wall-!" she tried to call for her friend, but her mouth was stuffed yet again with one of her cookies.

Naruto took his time to enjoy another chocolate, "These are really good, so take your time because I got all the time in the world on my side."

Watching him casually taking a sip of his coffee made the cat girl shiver, but she tried to remain strong, "I… I…" key word being tried with her mind trying to find an answer, "She is… A kind girl who always helped her friends, who always stood for them, and that always, always had my back. She gave me all of her food even when the others didn't share. She was the first to tell me I looked like a cute cat. She…"

"She's nothing like your boss said she is, right?" he asked with his grin lifting on his right side, giving him a mocking look, "Oops, I mean, your friend Jellal said that, right? My, it's kind of a hassle to call him your friend when he's just bossing you around. Granted, friends tend to do that a lot but really… He just seems to enjoy bossing others around."

She glared, "D-Don't speak of Jellal like that!"

He snickered, "Why? It didn't stop you from talking ill about Erza, the Erza that you talked so highly and lovingly of a few seconds ago, now did it?"

Flinching, her cat ears fluttered after the verbal strike, "That's different, Jellal-"

"Is the one that said Erza hurt you, isn't he?" he was finding the rebuttals to be the best sour of entertainment he had since Kyouka walked into his home.

Millianna grabbed her head, shutting her eyes, "He… He's the one that cared for us, that-"

"And look at him, building this place for some odd promise about finding something and even giving you a room and toys for you to keep working in this hellhole… My, my, what if I told you it is all for naught?" her eyes snapped, centering on his, "It's a trick, a farce, a complete and utter disappointment is waiting for you like finding rat shit at the most anticlimactic of finales in your favorite book."

"You're… You're…" her whole body shook.

Naruto took a deep breath, leaning back, "You can't even say I'm lying. Either you trust me, or really, really deep in you there was a feeling that Jellal was lying."

She finally broke, "Why?!" a single question, with tears staining her eyes and mixed feelings of different flavors of pain in her chest: sorrow, anger, despair, fear, madness, loneliness, betrayal. Naruto under his Yami persona could be very cruel, but like he said, even he had limits, embodiment of darkness or not.

A single thumb swept her tears, and on his dark-eyed face a warm smile greeted her, "It's ok, little lady. Let it out, let it all out… Because you know what has to be done, don't you?" she turned to look at him, confusion written all over her face while he worked on taking those tears away from her pretty face, "You can either keep on living on a lie that your boss put you through most of your life, or… you can set things right. What say you, little lady?"

Her arms went to her body, hugging herself, "I don't trust you, but… Jellal was… He was never the same after she went away. I thought it was because she caused us pain, but… At times he told us to hurt people, saying they were bad, and yet it never felt right. Not once. Even fighting her and her friends felt wrong…"

Her eyes widened and she felt her cheeks heat up when he rubbed her head, even scratching his ears while putting on that deep and disturbingly sexual voice he used before, "In nights like this little ladies like you should rest in blissful dreams." A low rumble in her throat forced him to keep a chuckle in his, "Do not worry, little lady. I may hate a lot of people, but girls like Erza and you are a real treasure."

He looked up, grinning at the knowledge that Jellal had to be seeing this.

XXXXXX

"That bastard, so all this time Yami was Naruto… I should have known, though."

"Known what, boss?"

Siegrain, usually a man in fine robes, a messy spike of blue hair and a red tattoo on his face, did a double-take when his meek underling entered the room. He quickly hid what he was watching and turned to look at the man before him, trying to see if what he was seeing was real or not. The blond did pull down his aviator glasses to look him better in the eye, showing concern.

"Naruto… I thought you were on vacation…" Siegrain, actually Jellal, whispered in shock.

The blond pouted, "It'd be delightful, but don't tease me like that, boss. I got enough paperwork here to last me a year of nightmares. Not only that, cute and ever efficient Juvia is gone. And last I heard, Lucy-san invited her friends to some fancy resort. I wish I had the money though, but someone stole it from my account."

"Wait, what?" Ultear was in the room, just as shocked.

The blond nodded, "Why do you think I've been out all day? Didn't you get my memo? The bank called for me after someone took a good chunk of my savings." He looked down, his face that of a destroyed man, "They promised to make it up to me, but… It's going to take them some time and I already tried to control a stable budget..."

He sounded, looked, and slumped completely broken, like someone took his spirit. Jellal growled internally and did a quick check, his eyes widening, ' _Impossible, the one before me is Naruto, but I sense no magic or alterations to his being. And yet Yami on the tower is also Naruto… What does it mean? I can feel pure darkness from the one in the tower, but this one is the same bubbly office worker I've always known. It's like they're the same person but completely different._ '

He could tell that Ultear also knew. The blond before them had to be Naruto Uzumaki, dorky office worker with the courage of a tiny mouse. The man in the tower that had just managed to put a wrench in his plans was Yami, once again acting and looking like the blond before them. But it was like staring at two completely different beings, one of pure heart and little wit, and another of pure darkness and little mercy.

"Anyway, I managed to get my reports done in time." Naruto said tiredly, putting the papers on the man's desk, "If you need me, I think I'll be crying myself to sleep…"

"Wait Naruto." Ultear said, stepping between him and the door, "There's an important matter to attend to at the council and we will need your testimony."

"For real?" the bumbling office worker groaned with a look of utter happiness, "Geesh, you really show great kindness for good little me Ultear-san. I guess I'll go if you're willing to help me get my money back."

She blinked, "I guess that can also be arranged. More importantly, we have seen Yami in a very dangerous place, and there's no telling what will happen."

Naruto would have patted his own back if he could, ' _Your schedule won't last long with me, sweetheart._ ' He put on a worried face, "How bad is it? This guy and his boss, this Kaguya, are a real danger, especially her. That woman is a real nasty one, to say the least."

Jellal could do nothing but plaster a fake smile on his face, meanwhile his thoughts were going a thousand miles a minute as he tried to puzzle out this conundrum, "It's quite terrible Naruto, the Tower of Heaven is a dangerous weapon, capable of reviving even the legendary Zeref." Rapidly he thought to himself, ' _I can't be wrong, I just cannot. He has to be Yami… But what if he isn't?! What if he really is who he says he is and this Yami is a true threat? Impossible, I can't be wrong, I'm never wrong!'_

Looking shocked with such sincerity it caught both of the two conspirators off guard, Naruto worriedly looked around at the thought of Zeref coming back, "Is that true? That dark mage coming back?"

Ultear had a warm and generous smile that belied her doubt about the situation, "Well Naruto-san, it's possible but by no means likely. Zeref has been dead for centuries, and the odds of this tower being able to revive him, when we have the power of Eitheron on our side, it's impossible that he could come back."

The blond shuddered, "There really is no mercy against an enemy, is there?"

Her train of thought was different. ' _Of course he's sealed away, but an innocent lackey like you doesn't need to know that much. Jellal, you fool… are you merely paranoid or just idiotic? This one couldn't even hurt a fly. Master Hades was right, using an unstable slave like you was a mistake… the second your use is over I will dispose of you like he told me too years ago. Naruto… a pity you'll have to have your memories erased and you'll never remember why your boss was murdered. Meredy would've liked to meet you.'_

Eying the unhinged man next to her with a look of distaste that was unnoticed by him but not Naruto whose simpering bowing and worried gnawing at his hands belied his attention to detail, "Should we get going, then? If this matter is as serious as you claim it is… I don't want to think what could happen."

It'd be fun, but it'd be a kind of fun he wouldn't be able to take any advantage of. And that didn't fly with him.

XXXXXX

"I'm sorry, Wally! But… I have to talk to Jellal about what he's doing!"

Said square shaped man could only get muffled screams through his retrains, magical tubes. Millianna looked utterly broken and disheartened at having to betray a friend like this. Yami couldn't be happier to have her working for him at the moment. He was at a point he didn't mind being nice to the gunman.

Once again, he made sure his voice was soothing, "See here, partner. If even the little lady can question your boss at this moment when all of your efforts are about to culminate into a big mess, do you want to shoot her out of spite or would you rather listen?" crouching down to be on eye level with the block man, the blond smirked, "Would you aim your gun at another friend?"

The gunman's struggling stopped, his body going limp while his eyes tried to burn holes into the office worker through his shades, "Please Wally, I don't… I… I never wanted to hurt Erza-chan. I never did…"

Wally completely stopped struggling, and Naruto motioned for Millianna to let him go, "Ok… Suppose I believe you… partner." He didn't like to use the word, but for now he would have to, "What makes you think I'm not thinking you're trying to get Millianna to think what she would never be thinking?"

The dark eyed man chuckled, "Because I know how your boss thinks. I also know how to make things turn around in the world." The moment he said the last two words, time had stopped. The blond sighed with a tired smile, dusted his outfit, pulled a chocolate he had taken from Millianna's room, and stretched his right fist forward, "And so, time flows again."

His knuckles dug into a feathery surface, making the one flying at Wally at incredible speeds stop dead in his tracks. The shockwave of the impact made the man, wearing either a bird mask or something like that, fly back. Naruto arched a brow at the two large tubes on his back, like a jet-pack. Seeing the guy built like a tank and shirtless, he looked like a luchador with the bird head.

Millianna and Wally gasped, the latter forming words, "W-Who was that?!"

Naruto dusted his knuckles on his shirt, smiling cheekily, "One of Jellal's little pet group known as Trinity Raven, Fukuro. His ability is to completely gobble up enemies and absorb their magic, all so he can use it." he walked to the bird headed mage, smirking nastily.

"W-What happened?" the bird mage groaned, nursing a pounding headache.

With a wave of his hand, Naruto was back on his suit, adjusting his tie and looking rather dashing with his raincoat now missing. His smirk grew, "Now you little piece of bird shit, let me tell you something. People like you, assholes that act like gluttony and greed incarnate always carving for more and taking it from others… You do sicken me." He was actually putting on a pair of leather gloves, "Enough to the point I just want to take the trash out myself."

Fukuro growled, "The best you can hope for is to give me indigestion!" he shouted while flying at the blond, opening his beak to disproportionate sizes, making his maw large enough to swallow the blond whole.

Naruto grinned and raised his right palm, "I don't think you'll need those toys." From his back grew a gigantic ethereal arm, made of dark chakra. Fukuro stopped dead in his tracks when the arm moved at lightning speeds and grabbed the rockets on his back. Naruto's grin widened when he balled his hand into a fist. Fukuro cried when his rockets were crushed into scrap metal seconds before the enormous dark arm slammed him on the floor.

"Y-You bastard…" the owl man groaned, before realizing he was unarmed and the man was right in front of him.

An upper-cut brought the large mage down, forcing him to bend over to try to gasp for air. He also tried to open his beak to swallow the blond yet again, but was too slow for the whiskered office worker's hook. With his head snapping to the side and his body unbalanced, Naruto grabbed one of the owl mage's arms to yank him towards a straight solid punch to the bridge of his… beak.

The punch resulted in the bird mage flipping in the air a good seven times before landing hard on it, with Naruto scoffing, "What a waste of time." he grumbled, ruffling his hair, "Anyway, I believe we better get moving to find your friend, little lady."

Millianna, who had been in a trance, nodded and quickly followed after the blond while Wally could only stare at them walk away, "H-Hey Millianna!" he called to her, trying to say something, only to smile, "Take care of yourself, ok?"

She tilted her head to the side, Naruto waiting patiently for her, "You're not coming?"

Wally chuckled, "There's a lot I have to think a-" his heart skipped a beat, "Millianna, watch out!"

The girl watched her friend summon his gun and aim it at something at her side. She could only see Fukuro lunging at her, beak gaping to devour her fully. And before he could register anything, Naruto was right in front of her, watching Fukuro's beak coming down to eat him in one big gulp. She also watched a bright blue orb of pure energy swirling in his palm.

In an explosion of power and raw energy, Fukuro flew back into a wall, crashing right through and finally falling down with his face torn apart. He was still breathing, but it was obvious that he wouldn't be trying that trick in the near future, or any future.

The whiskered blond sneered at the owl man, "In the end he was nothing more than bird shit." He turned to the cat girl, a tired smile on his face, "Let's go, little lady. It's a matter of time before his friends try to ruin your reunion with Erza."

She nodded and followed, but was stopped again by Wally, "H-Hey partner!" the dandy said, walking to the blond, "I don't know what game you're playing, but your life has led you to cross my path!"

Naruto remained silent, waiting for something more for some sort of context, an explanation, or anything remote to a message that the block man could try to give him.

Millianna whispered to him, "I think he wants to come along."

"Oh." Was the only eloquent reaction he had to something other than her words, "It appears we have company…" he grinned, ' _Lucy and Juvia are busy with one of Jellal's pets. King Pinky is headed this way with the one left. And… shit…_ ' his scowl told the two former servants of Jellal bad news, "It appears you friend has taken Erza and he's headed to one of Jellal's other pets. This one's dangerous, even for Erza."

The two mages paled, "We better hurry then." Millianna exclaimed.

Naruto just grinned, and before she or Wally knew it they were left alone while listening to his parting words, "I'll see you at the top."

Wally beamed, "Now that is a hardboiled man."

Millianna groaned, "Let's just meet him. Hurry before Erza gets hurt." The gunman had many questions but decided to save them for later.

Right now, he was betting it all on the whiskered dark man.

XXXXXX

At the top of the tower, Jellal glared at the one before him, "I have to know, Yami… What are you?"

Naruto shrugged, "I thought it was obvious…" he gave the tattooed man a wicked smirk, "I am a Shadow, a mirror of one's own self. But you… you just accepted every little shitty aspect of your being, and decided to cover yourself in that shit. I mean, man!" he clapped, trying not to burst in laughter, "Tricking your friends for a petty goal like this?! Using slaves with lies?! Was it all out of spite for this world or just because?!"

Jellal smirked, "It seems I must end things now before my little reunion with Erza since you're just going to clown around." He got off his chair, not really impressing the blond. "Just tell me one thing and one thing only, Yami. Why do you use that face so much? Now, I don't expect you to tell me whether or not you're Naruto Uzumaki, but I need to know. Someone that claims to be a Shadow can use whatever face they want."

Naruto grabbed his face, "Like… this one?" he changed, turning into Ultear, "Or would you prefer your own? Too bad, though… I hate you too much to disguise myself as you." he changed back to his true self, adjusting his leather gloves, "Truth be told, there's something I enjoy about this face. It was the first one I ever used that hid pain, sorrow, anger, despair, betrayal, loneliness, and hope at the same time. To hide all of that behind a smile to try to make the world think one can do something… What can I say? It's a mask I've grown fond of."

He wasn't lying, and Jellal bought it, "To think Naruto would be that much of a weakling… You made my day a bit better. Now die."

The blond sighed, watching the tattooed manipulator frozen in time attempting to strike him at lightning fast speeds.

However, something was different, ' _What is this?! I… I can't move!_ ' Jellal thought in horror.

"Good, it appears that I can choose what moves in my frozen time besides me." Naruto's right mouth corner lifted itself up to an unnatural angle while his eyes took in the sight with sadistic glee, "I want you to see, feel, know, and thoroughly enjoy what I'm about to do to you. You made others taste Heaven and Hell at the same time just to use them for a simple guess that this would work. You thought that by shooting at the darkness you could get something out of it… Let me tell you, you failed."

From his coat, Naruto fished out three kunais, holding them in between his index finger and thumb by the tip. He grinned when Jellal's eyes widened while the rest of his body remained frozen in time. Next, he threw them, the blades cutting through the air only to stop a few inches from the traitorous councilman's face.

' _T-This is a dream! This is all a bad dream! I can't… I won't… Not like this!_ ' the terrified tyrant was on the verge of tears.

"If time's a river, then I'm the captain of the boat." Naruto started, walking to Jellal's chair with a casual step and a hand on his hip, and turned around, "And this is your stop."

Time flowed again, and Jellal had but a fraction of a second to punch and kick the two nearest kunais, while the third buried itself deep into his right cheek. The cruel mage fell to the floor, clutching his bleeding face and crying in pain. He kicked at the air, trying to pull the kunai out with gritted teeth. It was with a wet squelch and his blood pooling the floor that he managed to take out the blade.

He turned to see Naruto, "Don't worry, I won't kill you."

Jellal groaned and… the pain was gone, "What?!" he tapped his face, the wound no longer there. However, his blood remained on the floor, reminding him that what happened before had been real.

The blond sat down, nearly humming a merry tune, "All of the pain you caused Erza and her friends. All the lies you told the council and the men and women working for you. All the attempts at justifying what you do as a just act when you're spitting excuses out of spite… I want you to feel them a million times over on your own flesh. Do you know what I'm getting at?"

Jellal tried to get out of the room, but found himself frozen yet again, ' _How is this possible?!_ ' Naruto stepped up to the man and grabbed him by the neck. Due to the momentum, Jellal basically choked himself on the dark man's hand which brought him to an abrupt stop.

The blond lifted him so they were face to face, "You're going to have a bad time."

Dark chakra arms popped out of his back and grabbed Jellal. The blond lifted one hand, and they slammed him to the ceiling. He casually waved it to the side and he was smashed through one of the walls. After casually swinging it down the tattooed dark mage was forced to kiss the floor. And with a lazy grin, Naruto flung his hand back, not even watching Jellal smash into his own chair.

Naruto finally sighed, feeling disappointed, "Now, I know this won't really get to be satisfying since you're a weakling, but…" his grin returned, "I won't lie. I am having fun."

"You filthy fu-" Jellal raged at the blond, snapping his eyes to the absolute widest they had ever been. Blood red veins popping over the dark eyes, Naruto laughed insanely as his chakra fists actually ripped out of his back, and started pummeling the blue haired man relentlessly.

"Futile!" Naruto shouted while the tattooed man felt every impact at speeds he couldn't comprehend, "Futile! Futile! Futile! Futile! Futile! Futile! Futile! Futile! Futile! Futile! Futile! FUTILE!"

Every strike was punctuated with a loud cry of futile, Naruto repeating himself rapidly as darkness swirled around him, punching the councilman, "Behold, the power of my world! Time stops as it rotates around me… You see Jellal, everything you have ever done was merely… Futile! Futile! Futile! Futile! Futile! Futile! Futile! Futile! Futile! Futile! Absolutely futile!" Naruto laughed sadistically, before his eyes snapped to the point where he was pinning down the man with a look.

The blond decided to use his own fists and pummeled Jellal to the point that blood shot into the air, the man flying back in a crumpled heap, his body aching in ways he thought impossible. Strutting forward, Naruto reached out and lifted the man up watching how blood poured down his face and body, his eyes lidded in agonizing pain.

"You…" Naruto's words ended there when he stepped back without warning as Jellal weakly reached towards the blond, when a barrage of fists impaled him.

"W-Why… how…?" the blue haired man groaned before realizing he wasn't impaled on limbs, but hair. Pure white hair.

Appearing from behind the agonizing man, was an utterly furious Kaguya.

The woman had seen a few better days, as her robes bore signs of blood-stains, magic damage, burn, ice marks, and more. "You filthy, worthless, useless, utterly detestable BRAT! I have been through many annoyances because of you! You damned boy! You are truly, absolutely, utterly, a worthless spawn of my grandchildren!" Kaguya could barely keep her composure as she dropped the limp, bloody body.

Naruto smirked, "I see you have been hounded since the moment you arrived in this world. Mages from every guild on the planet, even dark ones from the Balam Alliance had been hunting you." with a sardonic smile he asked, "How's it feel to have someone turn your life into misery?"

Truth be told, at first they were just annoyances which she crushed, then they started becoming threats, and by the time she realized what Naruto had truly done to her, every mage in Fiore and beyond knew her as a threat that had to be stopped. The full power of an entire continent ruled by mages considered her a threat worthy of hunting down with all available forces, even unsavory ones considered her a threat.

She hadn't a moment's rest for quite some time, even more so when they started figuring out ways to breach her dimensional barriers, and tracked her through them. To say she was beyond angry was putting her sheer boiling fury lightly, her white eyes were bulging to the point of unattractiveness, her Rinnegan eye was whirling like a literal whirlpool, and her hair raged behind her in a disturbingly living like manner.

Even Naruto was a little intimidated by her sheer rage, although he quickly overcame that when he remembered that he held all the cards, and had burnt Kaguya's deck and pissed on the ashes.

"I will make you pay for this humiliation." She said, about to shift dimensions until finding his hand grabbing her by the lower half of her face and his eyes burning holes into hers.

"You see… I try to keep it cool, Kaguya." He started, with his grip tightening, "But you interrupting my fight puts a wrench in my plans of using this tower to find my old friend."

He punched her in the gut and let her go, allowing her to stagger back, "You insufferable little brat…" she choked out.

He sighed, "If I beat you with my powers, I'd never be satisfied." He cracked his knuckles, his smirk widening madly as darkness swirled around him, "I want to savor this for all of eternity."

It was then that she finally realized she was in for a bad time.

 **XXXXXX**

 **And that's my rap!**

 **And this is what happens when I watch a Genocide run in Undertale. No, I can't and won't ever play one of those mass murdering runs after getting the super good ending and crying my manliest tears.**

 **Next chapter, shit's going to be fucked.**

 **XXXXXX**

-OMAKE-

Meet the inspiration!

Today Naruto Uzumaki's dark self wanted to know the characters that I used to design him, to the point he's holding a kunai against my throat, dear readers.

(Tohru Adachi – Persona 4)

The two skinny suited men stared at each other with Adachi smirking, "Well, aren't you precious? I heard imitation is a form of flattery but really… You are trying too hard."

Naruto chuckled, "Perhaps because there's nothing good to imitate from you. Then again, my creator wasn't a good writer from the start. Kaguya was only mentioned like ten chapters before she was revealed. Your game at least gave some signs of who the real bad guy was."

The skinny cop nodded, a tired look on his face, "Honestly, the world is nothing but bitches and whores if women are the cause of pain in your life too." he sighed, a groan mixing in his breath, "Women right? Can't live with them, can't get them off your back, and you can't even try to murder them without something Lovecraftian coming to bite your ass."

"Amen bro."

(Dio Brando – Jojo's Bizarre Adventure)

"I definitely love your outfit." Naruto wasn't lying as he stared at the towering, overly muscular villain clad in a yellow jacket and pants with a heart motif.

"To think that I, Dio, would find another man with the power to control the world, is like one of those dumb but admittedly entertaining stories I tend to read at my library." The man said in the voice Naruto tried to imitate to seduce- er, calm down Millianna, "However, I find your mannerisms with women lacking, my friend. You rely too much on your power and their fear. You need charisma."

The blond diligently took notes.

(Hazama/Yuuki Terumi - Blazblue)

"Another guy that had his life controlled by an emotionless bitch… I almost feel for you. Almost." Naruto told the green haired man in the black fedora and suit.

The viper like villain smiled, "Is that kindness I hear from you, kind sir? Just allow me to say that your antics bore me. Keeping the morons safe? Really? Are they really worth it or will you get bored without them?"

"I can say the same about you." Naruto retorted.

Hazama smiled, "Touché. And at least you keep a tighter leash on the ladies. Props for that, pal. Just make sure to keep an even tighter grip on the white bunny bitch. People like her just love to shit on one's plans."

"Dully noted."

(Albert Wesker – Resident Evil)

The two blond, shades wearing men stared at each other, both having a hand keeping their sunglasses up.

Naruto was the first to speak, "I heard you like experimenting on people… Any chance you'd be interested in mages?"

The dark suited villain replied in a monotone, but his lips did curl up ever so slightly into a ghost of a smile, "I'd be charmed. I've found current test subjects lacking in potential, and I do enjoy using imbeciles to get a point across."

"Like turning your girlfriend into a super mutant?" Naruto taunted with a smirk.

Wesker didn't twitch at all, "She's a part of the past I'd like to leave behind."

"Just don't turn the ladies I work with into monsters, I do like them to a degree."

"Getting attached, I see. Just like good old William."

XXXXXX

Somewhere else, a certain blond butler smiled as he had a nice tea party with an elderly butler wearing a monocle, an even more elderly butler that smelled like wolves, a gray haired maid that could stop time, and a towering student with a stoic face that could also stop time.

Naruto from Eidolas spoke first, "It's nice to see you, Walter, Sir Valkenhaun, Lady Izayoi, Kujo-san." He finished pouring tea on their cups and handed them their drinks, "I hope you enjoy your stay while I am here. I fear my queen's tea time is coming soon."

The monocle wearing butler hummed a laugh, "Ah, I still remember when Sir Integra used to ask me for different blends between her fencing lessons. Time does fly quickly, does it not?"

The other butler, the one that had the demeanor of a wolf, smiled softly, "Lady Rachel is still picky with her teas. Luckily I always manage to impress her with how I make her desserts."

The maid placed down her cup, "You two are lucky. I have to look after the other servants at my lady's mansion to make sure they do their job, especially China."

The large delinquent-looking youth placed down his cup boredly, "Do you have iced tea?"

Naruto had placed one in the blink of an eye to others, but to the student and the maid he didn't fool them. He stopped time to get the most perfectly cold drink to his guest.

Shagotte smiled in her throne room, happy that her loyal servant was having a good time.

 **XXXXXX**

 **The guests to butler Naruto's party are Walter C. Dolnez from Hellsing, Valkenhayn from Blazblue, Sakuya Izayoi of Touhou, and Jotaro Kujo from Jojo's Bizarre Adventure.**

 **Swordslinger out!**


	10. Chapter 10

I OWN NOTHING

Watching bits of the genocide route on Undertale gives me a better grip on how to make truly twisted people pay for their sins. You could say… it's in my bones!

Beta's Notes: _**Basically just did a lot of editing work here, and threw in the big epic scene near the end, also with the dialogue.**_

 **XXXXXX**

Weight of sins

"B-Boss!"

Back at the council room, the meeting was stopped when the members and a shocked Naruto watched Siegrain disappear. The blond had to force his act to remain intact. So far he knew that the one in the tower would have had some fun out of Jellal by beating him within an inch of his life. If Jellal remained conscious through it all, his double would remain in a relative piece. But to see it vanish in thin air meant bad news.

Ultear spoke to him, "Naruto, I need you to look into Siegrain's office. I believe that must have been a clone. If that were the case, something important must have happened to him."

She was also shocked, but deep down they would hold on to their cards tightly in the middle of the chaos.

Back to the tower, Naruto was casually dodging Kaguya's strikes with his hands in his pockets and a winning smile, "Come on, batter, batter! Come on, batter, batter! Swing!" he sang while leaning to the side, watching one of her projectiles fly past him, "Did you think you were the only one that could cheat in this game, Bunny-chan? You may have broken my newest toy, but that just means I get to play with you now."

The woman cringed at his words, knowing that with his nasty smirk taking nearly all of his face that it wouldn't be pretty, "You grow arrogant, child!"

When she tried to strike him with her hair turning into a storm of deadly spears, Naruto dashed to the side with his hands still in his pockets and a knee up. Kaguya stared at the odd pose, but realized something. That right there hadn't been him stopping time, she had seen him dash away from her strikes to stand by her long white locks. He then extended his gloved left hand forward, using his thumb and index finger to make a perfect ninety degree angle in front of his face.

"Locked on!" he sang as two enormous chakra arms erupted from his back, each carrying an orb of heavily concentrated chakra.

Kaguya opened her portals the instant Naruto let loose the blast, opening another set behind him, hoping to evaporate the man with his own attack. The blond merely let out a maniacal laugh when he flipped over the dangerous blasts of pure energy. Everyone who were looking at the tower from a distance would have seen two beams of light cut and pierce the heavens towards the stars.

His smirk was growing tiring, "What are you even playing at, brat?! I've seen your power before, and I know of it now that I've studied this world to make sure that you, the only obstacle between me and ultimate piece, crumbles under my heel."

Naruto sighed, ruffling his hair with his right gloved hand while keeping the other in his pocket, "See, Bunny-chan, you're boring. I've dealt with two idiots at the very least that think like you. One of them is the moron you skewered to ruin my good mood. And the other was this forgettable prick called Jose. Man were they unoriginal. All about their ambitions, their power, and how they stood above all others… Seriously, Bunny-chan, give me some new material to work with."

She growled, "I am a goddess!"

Naruto sighed again, tiredly, "And I'm the one that beat you before and the one that'll keep doing it for as long as it's fun." He stared at her and smirked, "So make it worth my time while you can last here."

Currently in his suit and with his black gloves the blond felt like a hitman, and he did admit to himself that he liked the look when he took some time to adjust his gloves. However, he didn't want to kill Kaguya. Oh, she had made his life miserable from the start just because she wanted some twisted vision of peace to come to fruition, and he was giddy at the idea of stomping that dream with big boots.

The problem was that he still had morals, so he'd set himself for destroying her pride, sanity, perhaps her mind, and dreams. Maybe he'd have fun humiliating her like he was doing, dodging her attacks and coming up with little witty quips to irk her. His enjoyment was obvious the moment she attempted to switch dimensions but got herself frozen in time.

With a casual stride, a hand on his hip, and the other wagging a finger at the time-frozen rabbit goddess, Naruto really had to ponder what to do. Sure, he had all the time in the world since he had stopped time itself. But to have the woman at his mercy after all the grief she caused him… A moment like that had to be savored and fully enjoyed, like a fine champagne you saved several months' worth of payment for a date with a true beauty worth life itself.

He settled himself for grabbing one of her hands and jamming her index finger up her nose, "Augh!" and thus leaving her open for his knee to greet her gut. The goddess bent over in her need for air while wiping her finger on the inside of one of her sleeves, feeling her cheeks redden while Naruto chuckled childishly.

He grinned, "You can wish and try to make different, Bunny-chan, but I'll be right here to meet you in this game of ours. And I'll always hold the best deck."

She glared, "You don't hold all the cards."

He arched a brow, "That's an awful lot of confidence in your situation…"

He stared at her hand, and then down.

His tie wasn't around his neck, but in her hand, "Surprised?" she asked with a mocking smile, "You may have rose to power and made sure to hunt me down, but I knew how dangerous you were, so I made sure to know how to counter your power by learning. And what I learned is that there is a special magic…" she raised her hands, orbs flying over her palms, "Time magic."

Naruto stared at her wide-eyed, for a good two seconds. His smirk returned, nastier than before, and one could almost feel the violence that wanted to erupt from the man, "Well, you just made me playing with you that much more interesting… I have to wonder, though. How could one like you wield magic?"

She smirked back, "Do not try to put on a tough boy act, brat. I know you understand how much of a threat I am to you now. And it's been worth it. I had to find the proper mages and then assimilate their powers into my body after taking their lives."

Naruto whistled, "Well, that'd be impressive if it were, you know, impressive." He chuckled, making Kaguya's good mood die, "I'd have been worried if for one reason… You can only move in my frozen time for a very short period of time. But little me? I can stop time… for as long as I want."

"Does that matter when I can still move in your stopped time boy? It only takes one second to kill you. And you don't know how long I can either." Kaguya pointed out, making his smirk turn into a harsh sneer, his eyes flashing darkly before he disappeared out of Kaguya's vision.

Her head whirled around as he was now atop a spire, his eyes staring down at her and his arms crossed, "Not bad, you were able to follow me after two seconds had passed in my world."

"But how long can you really move in stopped time? Three seconds? Four? Five? Maybe six?" He seemed to teleport from place to place, his body being completely impossible for her to follow.

But the fact remained, her eyes did track him, which made him play it safe.

Didn't want his plans to fail because he got too cocky though, his eyes focused on her entirely, while she grit her teeth.

He was… too good. He was probing her, poking her with thrown bits of rubble, testing the limits of how much she could move during stopped time.

And in a split second, her blood froze when seeing him pull out a dozen kunais from his pockets after taking his tie from her and having it neatly back in its place. With one more time-freezing, he threw all of them at her. The woman watched the blades stop in the frozen times inches from her body while Naruto circled around her. He threw more at her sides, back, and every square inch of her body. Three of them were perfectly aimed at where her pupils should be. And to top it off, he made sure that she were surrounded by a veritable rain of knives.

She would have gulped if she could, ' _If I strike, I won't be able to get them all even if I use all my time… But if I don't…_ '

"Let's see how long you can last with this." Naruto said, pulling out a pocket watch and letting time flow for it.

With gritted teeth, Kaguya lashed her hair at all angles, stopping as many kunais as she could while Naruto watched, ready to stop time for the watch in his hand once she were done. Next she swatted aside those near her face, while trying to save herself from more, but she couldn't. There were too many and even if she wanted, he wouldn't let her escape. Next she finally brought her arms up to take the incoming pain.

Naruto pocketed the watch, "Nine seconds… I am honestly impressed you can move that long." He said while her body firmly froze in time, "I always wondered if time mages would be a problem, but I can tell you've killed and assimilated enough so that their magic helps you like this. Well, I knew of one, but to know I still have the advantage is kind of… a downer, really. I was hoping to have more fun."

Time moved again, and the kunais nailed her kimono. She thanked having it made so resistant that it managed to halt the blades from reaching her skin. It didn't mean it stayed in one piece or that she was completely unharmed by the barrage of blades. When it was all over and her body had sustained enough injuries to be brought to her knees, she could only breathe raggedly while Naruto inched closer.

"W-What do you plan to do with me?" she hated hearing her own voice trembling even if she forced it to calm down.

Naruto sighed and pulled his hair back with one hand, "I wanted to use this tower. It needs a big load of power, which I have in stride. It also needs a live sacrifice. You see, I planned to use it and see if I could bring my dear friend back, but now…" he looked down at her and leaned down so both were face to face, her heart stopping for she feared the worst, "Now I see it's a waste of time."

"What?!" her shock couldn't be any greater.

He shrugged casually and stood up, confidently turning his back on her but letting her know with the aura of danger around him that she'd be stupid trying to attack him, "You can try and strike me now, I don't care. Though I will beat you up yet again. I have more important matters at hand, though, after you just decided to mess my plans. But at this point I'm not even mad, just disappointed." He turned around, his eyes flashing, "And absolutely furious!"

Four enormous chakra arms at least twice the size of his body each shot from his back, summoning familiar spiraling shurikens of pure energy, "Shit!" the goddess cursed, uncharacteristic of her until this point.

She watched the deadly projectiles being shot at lightning speeds, cutting through the floor and slicing everything in their part into a clean trail of destruction. Her heart sunk when they flew past and over her, cutting into her kimono but not her flesh. Said large robe sported two cuts that exposed her shoulders, and another pair that opened her sleeves from the elbow to the wrist.

Out of the tower the explosion of pure raw energy could be seen illuminating the ocean.

With that done, Naruto adjusted his suit, dusted it, and put his sunglasses up the bridge of his nose.

Then he smirked, "Ok, plan B it is." He walked to her, "Create enough chaos that the council will follow Jellal's plan, and then, use all that power for future experiments."

She was beyond words, "W-Why…?" she finally choked out, "You said you needed to sacrifice someone… So why not use me?"

Naruto smirked, "Did you really think that after everything you put me through…" great dark power erupted behinds his shades, showing his dark eyes glinting with glee, "that killing you would be enough to pay for your crimes?"

Kaguya gulped.

XXXXXX

"Oh dear! Oh dear! Oh dear!"

Back at his office, Naruto pretended to panic before a slightly shaken but mostly collected Ultear. The woman watched him grab his head and run around, like some chicken attempting to keep his noggin connected. The man threw his raincoat away, and started digging files at maximum speeds. Ultear had to stop and watch some random trash fly out of his desk while he looked for something.

"Naruto, calm down. Whatever is happening, I am sure Siegrain had a plan. The council is considering even more to follow his idea and end that tower with-" she was cut off when he pulled out a worn out book.

"Ah, here it is." He said, flipping through the pages, "Let's see… Zeref… Tower… Need… Sacrifice…" he closed the book shut with an echo bouncing in his office's walls.

Ultear stared in disbelief at what he had, "Where did you get that?"

He sighed and put the book in his raincoat, "I have some free time if I work well, and I bought some books about magic to learn more about mages. This is one that caught my attention because it looked ancient and valuable. Who'd have thought it really is?" he chuckled weakly, "Ultear-san, we have to-"

And she appeared right in front of him, her hand over his mouth, "Sorry Naruto. I would have liked to spare your memories, but at this point your kindness will get you nowhere. I'll admit, for a man as cowardly and humble as you, there is some great bravery, honor and chivalry to you. Perhaps in another life I would have sided with you."

"How about you side with me?" said a sultry female voice behind Ultear.

She was turning around, unable to notice her shadow shifting beneath her feet. It gave Kageyama the perfect chance to emerge from the darkness and upper-cut the woman. Once his boss was free, he smirked and stood before him, protectively, "Sorry lady, but I'm not the one you should worry about."

A chill ran up and down Ultear's spine when a claw trailed on her cheek, "He's right. You shall provide me some fun, won't you?" and before she knew it, a shock of pain so unspeakably painful coursed through her body in a flash, making her fall unconscious and still alive.

Naruto sighed, "Sorry Ultear-san, but I can't let you go to your boss while I have work to do…" he turned to Kyouka and his lackey, "Kage-chan, I want you to watch over Ultear-san. If Kyouka tries anything funny, you will report to me. And Kyouka, if anything Kageyama says is a lie, I will know…"

The man gulped, but decided to trust the dark man before him. Kyouka merely put a claw to her face, giggling in delight, "You take this game so seriously… How long will you keep this act?"

Naruto chuckled, "For as long as I need it to go until I find my old friend. Now, I would enjoy your beautiful company some more, but we have business to attend to."

She smiled, "I will be sure to make time for you later on…" Kyouka added with a sensual smile, briefly licking her lips, and took the woman in her arms, bridal style.

Kageyama followed, giving the blond a thumb up in awe and admiration.

Naruto sighed, "This office will be lonely without good old Ultear-san, but I guess that's the price to pay to stop her master."

The black haired, horned woman he met before arrived, holding her book close, "Kyouka-sama has a great regard for you, Naruto. Do not disappoint her." She said in a monotone.

Waving dismissively, the blond put a hand on her head, and soon Sayla was turned into Ultear, "I know, I know… That bastard of Hades will have to pay for what he wants to do to his own guild. But for now, stick close to me. It's been a while since I've done this, and it works better if you're within my radius."

The bookworm blushed but did as told, remaining otherwise emotionless once the heat on her cheeks calmed down, "Such concern for such an odd guild. I bet they'd be worthy demons."

Naruto sneered, "Don't even think about it, Sayla-chan. Oh, you can try and see where you can go with that idea, at your own risk."

She watched an aura of pure darkness ripple around him and managed to keep her composure before turning her eyes away as she calculated her next words, "Such power… I can now see why Kyouka-sama finds you… interesting. Mind you, I hold her above all else, so even if you woe her, I won't lose."

Naruto snorted, "You're awfully cute when you're jealous."

She turned at him with an emotionless stare, and the two moved forward to keep their act, "I'll stick to my part of this charade, just tell me, is this plan really going to work?"

Laughing would have been a good enough answer, but he resisted, partially, "Heh, those idiots at the council are too stupid for them to mess this up, if it makes sense."

Sayla nodded, "This should be quite… an exhilarating experience." She looked at where Kyouka had been, "After exchanging information on Hades and his plans, what will be your next move?"

He shrugged, "I thought it'd be obvious…" his eyes flashed with darkness, "I'll make sure he knows what Hells is like for traitors like him."

She could now see why her voluptuous lover saw in him, and couldn't really blame the woman.

XXXXXX

"I don't know about you, but I'm having a ball."

Saying that while eight enormous chakra arms fired small and more concentrated Bijuu Damas was one of the few joys the blond had. Kaguya managed to hold her own firing her own projectiles in the form of ethereal chakra fists, but Naruto wasn't trying to use fully powered Bijuu Damas. If he did, the tower would be no more, so he settled for firing beams of pure energy with the diameter of a basketball.

The goddess panted hard and her legs wobbled, making Naruto pause, "Was this all a game to you?"

Naruto smirked, "Bunny-chan, it's been a game ever since I was born." He snapped his fingers, his chakra arms summoning Rasenshurikens, "I'm just giving you some extra time for this round."

She ground her teeth and summoned a dozen magical orbs, throwing them at the tower on all sides. Naruto watched the time magic that Kaguya took from whatever poor mage she killed rapidly aging the structure. He stopped time right there and then, and could see her eyes right on him. Knowing she could move and how long gave him an advantage, but that wasn't the reason why he stopped time.

The sound of footsteps reached his ears, and knowing how things could be, he dashed right at Kaguya. She watched him and waited, seeing his fist sail right at her face. She countered, moving as fast as she could in his stopped time. And Naruto grinned, knowing he had won.

When Natsu, Erza, and the other mages arrived they found Jellal's body impaled to one of Kaguya's hands. The blue haired mage grunted, blood dripping from his lips and consciousness fading. Even after being beaten by the blond and severely wounded by Kaguya he remained alive… but the look on his face said he'd rather not with the pain he felt.

The woman grunted, realizing her mistake, "Damn you..." she swung her arm to the side, throwing Jellal off before flicking off his blood with a look of anger and disgust.

Erza stared in horror, "Kaguya Ootsutsuki…" her pupils shrunk when her mind had finally accepted whose blood had coated her hand.

Said woman turned around, sneering, "I'd ask who you are, but I'm in no mood to care about your existence."

Erza, currently in a revealing samurai outfit, readied her katanas while the others got ready to fight, "When Millianna and Wally told me there'd be something dangerous going on here after coming to my aid, I didn't expect this to happen."

Naruto had also told the redhead's two old friends to keep quiet of who he was, so they didn't give her the details.

"You're not leaving…" the blond said, seated on Jellal's place with his right foot on his left knee and his hands knitted together, "I'm afraid I have to cut our game short, Bunny-chan, especially if you're willing to harm these fools."

"What is going on?" Sho, who had been rescued by his friends after Erza engaged a dangerous assassin woman in battle, was trying to understand the situation at hand.

"Name's Naruto Uzumaki, I'm someone that was shunned most of his life because of what he was, a child branded as a monster because of the woman before us." He said with a sneer, before pulling off his shades, "But now, you may call me Yami… I am the darkness this woman created into the hearts of many… and I shall be what destroys her ambitions."

Kaguya scoffed, "How long will you go on and on about that?! You're not the only child who had it rough! You were a proper sacrifice for a great dream to come to fruition!"

Naruto chuckled mirthlessly, his smirk twisting his face into a truly terrifying sight, "Congratulations, Bunny-chan…" his voice could have frozen a demon's blood with how icy it became, "You've pissed me off."

The room grew chiller, and Kaguya felt her past shaking her spine for a moment.

This time Naruto wasn't playing.

Snapping his fingers, the blond summoned all of his chakra, making it take form over him. Eyes grew, empty sockets of pure darkness staring at nothing. A large, jagged maw appeared, smiling crookedly with bloodlust. Strange spikes grew at the top of the figure, acting like horns, or more like ears, fox ears. In a second that moved like time crawled at a snail's pace, a demonic fox head appeared under Naruto's command.

It was haunting, but not as much as not knowing what the blond planned to do.

However, something unexpected, even to him, happened, "W-What're you doing, Natsu?!" Lucy called the pinket.

Said lad glared at the blond, "Hey faker, why are you still using that face?" he snarled, "Take it off!"

Naruto's smirk threatened to split his face, while the air around him grew even colder, "I don't want to hear that from an idiot like you too absorbed by his own guild to have a goal of his own… Move. Don't you get what's going on here? Or do you think boasting about your guild will give you all the answers you need?"

Natsu took his stance, "I may not know what you're about to do. But I'm stopping you here and now! And then I'm going to beat up that rabbit boss of yours for what she's done here and to the real Naruto!"

Kaguya was confused, but something triggered in her head, ' _Is Naruto playing with them, or is there something I'm missing. Either way, this is my chance…_ '

"I promised myself one thing, Natsu Dragneel…" the blond started, moving forward with his hands in his pockets and the ethereal fox head looming over him, "That well-meaning idiots would be spared, that any ignorant who tried to do good even if they failed to see the truth wouldn't lose blood, that your guild wouldn't be harmed so long as it had some use… Do not make me break that promise, because otherwise, buddy… You'd be dead where you stand."

With the aura of hatred surrounding the blond it was a wonder the room wasn't freezing, for his anger was calculated, cold, and far more dangerous than any normal explosive rage.

It was the fury of someone who wouldn't even blink remorsefully through whatever violent act they planned to commit.

The ice mage stood by his fellow Fairy Tail mage's side, "After all you've done, you owe us some answers and we're getting them out the hard way."

Lucy looked confused, but steeled herself, glaring at Kaguya, "The same goes for you…" she shakily said while being by Erza, knowing she would need said redhead's help.

Naruto saw Millianna ponder what to do, to help him or fight Erza again. He pulled down his shades and looked everyone in the eye as he pocketed them, telling the cat girl with a glance wat she needed to know, "Then I recommend those of you willing to fight to step up… Because at this point they may put enough of a fight to stall for their deaths."

"Are you…" Juvia started, moving closer to him, "Do you really embody Naruto-sama's darkness?"

"No, like I said to others before you, Juvia-chan… I am a Shadow." He grinned at Natsu, showing he had completely lost it now, "Thanks to Bunny-chan here, I am the hypocrisy and lies everyone keeps hidden, including that of Naruto Uzumaki! Do you know how much I've longed for this day?! How badly I wanted a grand finale to defeat this bitch?! How long I had to use a mask to hide what I really am deep down?! Naruto, Natsu, Lucy, Erza, even you, Juvia… It doesn't matter what face I use, I am here because the woman you're preventing me from beating up decided I was a tool fit for her goal! But you, Fairy Tail, a guild of idiots with some actually innocent ladies in it, reminded me of how hard this mask I have was used to hide loneliness, sadness and immeasurable anger… And now you're giving me a reason to break you all."

"Like we'd lose to someone that looks only after himself!" Natsu shouted, rushing at the blond.

Naruto caught the offending limb by the wrist, keeping a tight grip that stopped the fist from connecting with his face. The fire mage lost his breath then in the metaphorical way, followed by the more literal way when Naruto slammed his other hand into his gut, delivering a palm strike that stunned the pink haired lad. Gray for his part had the blond surrounded by ice maces all falling down on him. The always half-nude mage watched the dark being backhand three, shattering them out of his way, before casually side-stepping the others.

"You're not getting it yet. Your friendship can only get you so far if you don't actually put your own effort into doing something." He said while walking towards Kaguya, but stopped and snapped his head back to glare at Natsu who had just grabbed his tie to try to punch him.

"Don't look down on us!" the young mage shouted.

This time Naruto flicked the pink fire mage, making him stumble back before focusing on the Rabbit Goddess yet again. This time Erza, with dual katanas, blocked her path. She swung them as one, dancing gracefully in the wind like she were Mother Nature summoning the deadly gales that'd put any normal enemy down. Naruto was no normal enemy, which was shown when he leaned his body to the side to avoid her attack. She growled and lashed again, only to see him shift his shoulders to get in between both blades, having them pass by his sides.

"I'm not letting you pass, not when you want so much destruction!" she shouted, swinging her swords and missing him.

He snorted, "Like Jellal did before me? Was that what you were protecting or something else? What do you even fight for, if I can tell with great ease you'd have taken your own life to stop someone that betrayed you?" his words made her pause, and something he saw in that made him snarl.

Before she could try to strike him again, an enormous chakra arm launched itself from his back right at her. The redhead was ready for any incoming attack, but watched in amazement how the dark limb blocked Kaguya's own strike of massive chakra fists sailing to get her and the blond. Said white haired woman bit her lip in irritation while Naruto kept approaching her.

"Do you really care that much for these ants?" the goddess sneered, summoning a large amount of chakra to blast him with.

"You still fail to see the bigger picture…" he stated, "I shall be nothing like you."

"Foolish, foolish… Foolish!" she moved forward and watched him stop time, approaching her at a carefree pace. The energy she used remained where it was, and when she saw her chance to strike she gave it her all in the small span of time she had. Even as she felt her body freeze, she unleashed all of her power into one attack.

Naruto saw orbs of time magic fly around, striking the Fairy Tail mages much to his annoyance. "Wh-What happened?" Lucy asked when she noticed the others frozen in place.

The blond grit his teeth, ' _She used whatever magic she stole from the mages she fought to allow these idiots to move in my frozen time… No, that's not just it. She must have something planned, but what?_ '

"Fire Dragon's Roar!"

He barely had time to roll away from the large blast of fire that would have severely wounded him, ' _Dammit! I grew too cocky! I let Kaguya know I wouldn't harm them, thinking I could beat her!_ '

Juvia stepped forward, "Whether you are Naruto-sama or not, Juvia knows he cares too much about this guild, so she will protect them even if it's against her beloved boss!"

Lucy nodded, "Whatever you're doing, I don't care. If you're willing to play with others like this, then I have to stand here and now, even if I can't win! I have to fight you here and now!"

This time his eyes changed, back into the blue orbs he once possessed before accepting his darkness, "You two… are the only ones I really don't want to hurt, so step aside." He said coldly, his eyes turning back into deadly dark orbs, not once stopping his movements, "I did enjoy trying to break the news to you about what kind of cage you lived in, Lucy-san. You're free to attack me and hate me for it. The same goes for you, Juvia. Your boss does care about you enough. When he says he doesn't want you to be with someone that could make you unhappy, he's talking about you meeting fellows like me."

Kaguya chuckled darkly, making Naruto feel uneasy, "Hmph… you fools talk too much. Naruto… No. Yami! I have learned more about your precious trick than you could ever hope to keep from me! Mark my words! You and everything here will be mine!" the blond whirled around to see her slowly getting up, blood leaking from her ruby red lips and staining her teeth red as she smiled awfully at him.

"You're not getting away." He growled and kept advancing.

She ripped open a hole through the dimensions even when he stopped time, making his eyes shrink in pure rage, "Your new world will be mine just as your life will be! Yami! I will make you into my plaything!" With a final taunt she escaped him even as he raced towards her.

But just as he reached her, someone else appeared, Jellal. The dark mage grinned as he fired a magic projectile in the blond man's stopped time.

' _When did she-_ ' realization hit the whiskered man, ' _She used her magic on him when I was busy with Fairy Tail._ '

"You won't… win… so easily…" Jellal laughed with a cruel smirk, but his strike wasn't aiming at him, but at someone else.

Erza.

"Shit!" Naruto cursed, quickly using his power to move right at Erza and swat aside the projectile while Kaguya still made her escape.

Cursing the tattooed mage in his head, the blonde gave chase once again while time was still frozen… But he forgot Kaguya had aided more than just Jellal until Natsu and Gray were right in front of him, the first breathing another massive jet of flames while the other tried to crush him with ice yet again. Naruto dashed around them and tried to reach the woman, his fist only managing to tear a section of her robes away, the white cloth mocking him just as much as the bunny woman did.

"She…" the dark being gasped, "She fooled me… All because of-"

He was brought out of his thoughts when Natsu appeared, kicking him square in the chin after catching the blond off guard. "Eyes on me, jerk!" the pink lad shouted with a proud smirk, happy that he finally got to hit the blond.

Time flowed again… and Naruto didn't even flinch from the kick. His head was thrown back, but he didn't move or twitch much after the strike. He didn't fall…

He was too damn mad to fall down, "Damn you… Damn you! You worthless, useless, shitty, fucking trash! I had her! I had the whore right where I wanted her!" His hands twitched uncontrollably like spider legs. He stuffed the cloth into his pocket before he whirled around, his chakra fists punching Natsu and Grey in their faces, the resulting double Yami Rasengan's he blasted into them sending them spiraling back.

Erza gaped before he grabbed the two elemental mages by their heads, breaking the ground beneath them with his hands slamming their skulls hard enough to break the concrete. She ran to their rescue and tried to strike him with her blades, only to watch one of his chakra arms smash them to pieces with a backhanded slash while he towered over her friends, blood flying from their mouths as he stomp kicked them into a wall which crumbled upon impact.

"Ugh… we… really pissed him off…" Gray groaned while trying to get up on shaky legs.

Naruto was about to strike again until his eyes flashed and he stopped Juvia in her tracks just as she was about to pierce him with a water spear. Walking past her in the stopped time he dragged his hands down his head and scratched it relentlessly, blood pouring from it when time flowed once more, and the Fairy Tail mages got up weakly to see him furiously punching Jellal's body.

"Damn you! Damn you! Damn you! Damn you! Damn you! Damn you! Damn you! You fuck! You worthless fuck! Wasting my time!? I had the bunny bitch! I had her sweet ass in my hands, right at my fingertips! Damn you! Damn you! Damn you!" He punched it until Jellal was little more than a sack of broken bones and meat.

And then, after stopping time again, Jellal was fully healed and facing the man that had left him within an inch of his life a second ago.

"N-No!" the dark mage tried to cry, but Naruto was beyond furious.

"I won't kill you, Jellal… I'm at a point where I can't kill you, because I'd never be satisfied killing you just once."

He stopped all of a sudden, his eyes widening before he dropped Jellal, his face turned into a twisted snarl as he muttered to himself, "Those assholes… Really. Ruining my fun, the old fucks…" He kicked the dark mage out of his way and turned his back to the group.

Erza reaching in vain for Jellal and cursing to herself, pain, rage, relief, and sorrow mixing inside of her heart as she stared at that dark being's back.

Darkness covered his entire form like a shroud, shifting, warping, distorting, and aligning his features until he resembled an abomination. Pure dark chakra took over his body, giving him a more feral look. Still humanoid, he was covered in an armor made of pure demonic energy, a cloak. Half-way human and half-way fox in appearance with two long arms perfectly capable of punching with the speed and force of bullets and nine tails swishing behind him like a cape.

" **It seems the time for games is over, Fairy Tail. The Magic Council has declared this tower to be a target of the Magical Satellite Cannon, Eitherion. I'm going to send my message to the world, that I alone will break this shitty stalemate that we've been finding ourselves in.** " he finally spoke to the one that needed to hear him most, **"Erza. I am not sorry I came here with the intent to destroy Jellal, I only am sorry I didn't let you drive your swords through his heart yourself.** "

Planting his feet firmly into the ground, the claws dug in deep as each of his nine tails splayed themselves out in a fan. Huge black Rasenshurikens formed around them and were consumed with dark chakra.

" **It doesn't matter how long it takes, I will erase this world's lies!** "

High above him, Eitherion locked onto the tower below, a beam charging up, multiple magical gates forming around the epicenter of the blast. A thin white light shot down to the earth below piercing the clouds, the atmosphere, and leaving explosions in its wake. Yami stood against the embodiment of the Magical Council's might, the greatest weapon they had next to FACE.

Combining every single attack into one massive black sphere, bladed rings made it appear almost like a planet, were it not for the fact that all light was being absorbed into it. Punching it forward, the attack shot up and started to push against the beam.

Holding each massive hand, as well as his chakra fists against the beam, he howled his frustrations to the heavens above. Piece by piece the tower shattered until the massive crystalline innards was revealed, cracks forming over every single inch of it due to the sheer pressure Naruto was placing upon its surface.

Alone, he stood, and alone he defied what many considered to be a force of God. Pushing the beam back, his fists begun pummeling the ball he was sending towards Eitherion, until each fist shattered, and then one arm broke, he howled and punched the ball with his one good arm, sending it piercing through the blast and knocking Eitherion out of orbit.

"That much power… There's no way he's human…" Sho whispered, the card mage trembling at the sight of such power.

"Heh…" they heard Naruto chuckle as his body returned to normal as the chakra cloak shattered around him, vanishing like dust in the wind. He took a deep breath, pulling his hair back, "Well, at least the plan is back on track."

"What?!" Erza and the others had just noticed what he held in one hand, an orb of pure magical power.

"I guess this will be enough." He sighed tiredly, looking at the magical sphere, "Eitherion's power and this tower… Together they could bring someone back to life, but…" With a snap of his fingers, Kyouka appeared along the rest of Tartaros, "I think I could do something better."

Jackal whistled at the sight of the destroyed office, before lifting Jellal up by his collar, "What do you want us to do with this guy, Yami? Didn't you want to capture him?"

Naruto had already handed Mard Geer the magical orb, letting the demon amuse himself with it before making sure it remained safe, "Do what you want. Just keep him alive and locked up, I am not done with him." the blond said before turning to the leader of the demon guild, "Will that work?"

The demon smiled, "I think your dream will come true, my friend."

"Skip the formalities, please. Just look at this mess. Even if things worked, I could use a break." Naruto said, adding his next words calmly, "After all, I did my part, and I expect you to keep your end of the deal."

Kyouka giggled, "We could give you a bonus if you wanted by taking care of them." She said while eyeing the girls.

Naruto shot his arm in front of her not a second later, "Don't even joke about it, Kyouka-chan. Even I don't have that kind of sense of humor."

The woman sighed but gave in, after all, the blond had done an excellent job.

Mard Geer bowed, "Thank you for your cooperation, Fairy Tail. You've been, as my colleague likes to call you, delightful to play with."

And with that they left the confused mages behind.

 **XXXXXX**

 **And that's my rap!**

 **Before you ask… did you really think Kaguya would spend years twiddling her thumbs knowing Naruto could beat her?!**

 **If so, slap yourself.**

 **Kaguya here is actually someone Naruto can't get cocky with. He may overpower her, but that doesn't mean she won't try to pull tricks out of her sleeves. As for her getting time magic, the process in which she acquired it is something not even the blond would do, to give you a mental image you should not dig deep into. It's basically stealing someone's soul but less Mortal Kombat and more Lovecraftian horror.  
**

 **I hope you enjoyed the chapter even if not everything went according to Naruto's plans. At least he got what he wanted, the power of the Eitherion and some fun out of beating Jellal up, and trust me, like he said killing Jellal is not enough for him.**

 **XXXXXX**

-OMAKE-

Sweet reward

"I am such a lucky devil…"

"Do not let it go to your head, I just found myself craving something more into your taste."

"Kyouka-chan, you're making me a far too happy man."

"Fufufu… Is that a compliment? Have you forgotten I like to be… on top of things?"

"Have you forgotten I like a good challenge in this kind of… games?"

"As amusing as your jokes may be to a little kid, I believe you have work to do."

"Oh, I thought I already earned this, I am oh so hurt…"

"Do not be playful and claim what is yours."

"My, now that is one delicious pair of buns…"

"And they are all yours."

A red faced Sayla opened her lover's bedroom door… to find her at her bed with Naruto on top of her with his head on her thighs and the demoness sighing pleasantly as she gave him something sweet to eat. Naruto gently munched on the pastry that Kyouka herself cooked for him while resting his head on her lap and having one of her claws caress his hair. After having Millianna do this kind of thing to him, he decided to ask Kyouka for the same treatment. She was more than happy to oblige to have him at her mercy, and to have his warmth slipping into her flesh.

"Excuse me." Sayla said, carefully closing the door and walking away from the room with her face now bright red, her usually stoic mask broken after what she saw.

"About me playing with those girls…" Kyouka started, running a claw on his cheek.

He smirked, "Keep dreaming, Kyouka-chan… Only one that can mess with them is me, remember? And I have limits. Speaking of limits, I think I could use more sweetness."

She held his face with both claws, "Do you have something in mind?"

He forced down a cackle, "You, for starters."

"Flattery will get you only so far…" she had quite a pleased sultry smile as she said that, though.

He grinned, "How far?"

She ran a claw down his body and cut off the buttons to slowly and sensually expose him.

That wasn't a silent night for them.

The next morning however, was extremely awkward as he stepped out into the demon guild's main area, and realized an important all-consuming fact that made his eyes shrink with pure horror.

"It… IT… IT WAS A SALE ON RAMEN INGREDIENTS DAY! GODDAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"

His scream was one of pure agony, for his night of pleasure with Kyouka, he had lost the once a year special ingredient sale in Fiore.

He had no ramen ingredients and he must scream.

 **XXXXXX**

 **Swordslinger out!**


	11. Chapter 11

I said this before and I'll say it again... I shouldn't write fics driven by my own anger or else I'll end with a fic like this where Naruto's motivations make no sense, I don't have him finish off the unlikeable bastard because I want to think something worse than death but the idea never comes and... it's just not fun to read it.

Sorry, sorry, it's just been unpleasant to write this fic when I think about it. I dislike the plot twists in Fairy Tail that build up just for Deus Ex Machina where, as the trope implies, everything is solved by something we never heard of before like some act of God. Anger fueled this fic and with that kind of mentality it was only a matter of time before I had to stop. I don't want to keep getting mad at a story I know isn't good, I want to have fun exploring some new ideas!

Again, I apologize but thinking on it... everything was unpleasant. Naruto plays everyone for fools like any other Fairy Tail villain even if I tried to put more personality in him. Everything amounted to him making fun of them and preparing to pull out a plan I now realize was way too complicated to be worth the time. All I was building up made me basically turn Naruto into a Fairy Tail villain with more plot armor than Jellal or Natsu.

When realization finally hit me, it was too late, I had written ten chapters of a fic made out of spite instead of being made to have fun. You know what's that like? A chore. I was forcing myself to do something I disliked like it was a job, like I had to do it, not because I wanted to enjoy myself.

So, on that end, I am sorry but I will have to cancel this fic. If any of you wants to continue on this idea, do not do it out of spite and please try to not make the same mistakes I did. At the moment, I do have a few ideas on how the concept of Naruto working in the shadows to make fools out of the bastards in Fairy Tail could work, but it's just a concept.

Sadly, this will never redeem what I've done here and what I've done to myself by making a story to vent out my anger instead of trying to have fun. I know I can't stop myself from making this kind of mistake again in the future since I'm human, but what I can at least do is try to make better stories instead of focusing on failures, and I mean mine too.

Fairy Tail may be a mess now with every little plot twist to give more power to Natsu, but there's a reason I look up at heroes like Naruto: even if the world is shit and their goals may be just plain stupid given how much shit the entire world throws at him, he still tries to be stronger and earn his strength. And I want that, I want to be like that, to earn the satisfaction of making a good story fun, not because all of us are bitter and angry that a manga's creator needs to check if there's a screwdriver stuck in his skull.

Ok, I need to stop ranting.

Once again, I apologize deeply. I hope all of you enjoy what you do in life, even the little things, and that you keep trying to improve. The good thing of trying to be better every day is that you'll always be the best version of yourself, so you don't have to look back at yesterday.

Swordslinger out!


	12. Re-written version is out

Look for "A charming jester" which I'll be posting now. I keep things more in line there, so I won't make a big a mess as in here without any idea of where to go.


End file.
